open letters
Ed: Despite these mostly cranky letters, I am doing better.
To The Asshole Who Left His Blackberry On The Train, Twice,
Dear Asshole,
I know life is very very busy. Believe me, I do. And I'm sure it's hard work checking a blackberry and a cell phone constantly during your 30 minute commute. I noticed you managed to check your stock portfolio on your iPad too. You are a genius. So, when you left the blackberry behind I realized how important it was and brought it home. Youngest noted it was the very same blackberry we rescued last year. Then you stood us up and we scrambled for 24 hours, babysitting the thing as we awaited your return...in your big black Range Rover...with no concern for our time or priorities. So, you're welcome, Asshole. Next time (and there will be a next time) I'm bringing it to Lost and Found.
Good luck.
Dear Campbell's Soup,
I don't think anything seems more disgusting than soup in a pouch. Adding people's faces to the packaging only makes me scratch my head. Why do they look so goofy? How does one extract the soup? What's wrong with a can? Does the pouch go in the microwave? I was too scared to look.
I guess selling soup is a tough racket.
Good luck.
Dear Pinterest,
Don't, don't, don't, do not choose pins for me based on what else I've pinned. Sometimes I'm in an odd mood when I pin something. Sometimes I've had a brainstorm. Sometimes I'm just being nice to someone - we needn't build a board around it. Sure, I've pinned How To Clean Your Refrigerator but that doesn't mean I want to know the 50 Things Peanut Butter is Good For. A helpful internet friend advised on how to undo the setting.
Good luck.
Dear Red Juice,
You are vile.
Best of luck.
Dear Fried Eggs,
I love you.
bb
To The Asshole Who Left His Blackberry On The Train, Twice,
Dear Asshole,
I know life is very very busy. Believe me, I do. And I'm sure it's hard work checking a blackberry and a cell phone constantly during your 30 minute commute. I noticed you managed to check your stock portfolio on your iPad too. You are a genius. So, when you left the blackberry behind I realized how important it was and brought it home. Youngest noted it was the very same blackberry we rescued last year. Then you stood us up and we scrambled for 24 hours, babysitting the thing as we awaited your return...in your big black Range Rover...with no concern for our time or priorities. So, you're welcome, Asshole. Next time (and there will be a next time) I'm bringing it to Lost and Found.
Good luck.
Dear Campbell's Soup,
I don't think anything seems more disgusting than soup in a pouch. Adding people's faces to the packaging only makes me scratch my head. Why do they look so goofy? How does one extract the soup? What's wrong with a can? Does the pouch go in the microwave? I was too scared to look.
I guess selling soup is a tough racket.
Good luck.
Dear Pinterest,
Don't, don't, don't, do not choose pins for me based on what else I've pinned. Sometimes I'm in an odd mood when I pin something. Sometimes I've had a brainstorm. Sometimes I'm just being nice to someone - we needn't build a board around it. Sure, I've pinned How To Clean Your Refrigerator but that doesn't mean I want to know the 50 Things Peanut Butter is Good For. A helpful internet friend advised on how to undo the setting.
Good luck.
Dear Red Juice,
You are vile.
Best of luck.
Dear Fried Eggs,
I love you.
bb
Comments
jbhat
Mr Blackberry is obviously one of my "favorite" kind of people. The ones who think they are really special.
i love your blog. your posts delight me.
norahs
You are a treasure.