why it may be impossible for me to ever appear in a Sartorialist photo, part one of what may/could become a series

photo by The Sartorialist


Imagine, if you will, me, waking and readying myself for a day in town.

Gosh, it's warm...I think I'll wear that loose-fitting shirt dress thing...the brown one. Wait. Is it too wrinkly? Ack. Looks pretty wrinkly. Maybe if I sort of splay out the collar like this - kind of spread it open over my shoulders...is that too much neck? I don't know. I don't like my neck all open like this. It looks less wrinkly now, though, right? I think it needs a belt. A leather belt? I don't know, it's so hot out. Who can wear something belted when it's so warm?! Where's that hemp-y looking belt? Did someone, HEY, did one of you make some kind of Star Wars costume with my hemp belt? Okay, maybe not REAL hemp, fine, but do you know where it is? Geez. It's kind of big on me...I know, I'll tie it in a Jaunty fashion. Who am I kidding? If you looked up Jaunty in the dictionary you would not see me with this belt fucking TIED around me. I don't think my messenger bag is going to go with this outfit. I'll look like an actual goddamned messenger, what with the shirt dress thing and that bag. I need a clutch. So, that means I can carry my phone and a lipstick. I'll put my keys in one of these pockets. No? Damn.
So, boots with this? No? Uh...I know...it needs an animal print. SHUT UP, it does NOT look like a zoo uniform, this is a very chic ensemble. But I think I might need a turtleneck under it. Too neck-y. Oh! There are those leopard strappy sandals from that wedding a few years ago. They'll be the perfect addition. What? I know! A Lion Tamer! Yeah? So what? Tights? Do you think it needs tights? I think it needs tights. And a slip. And an undershirt. If I wear boots - wait, what's the temperature out there? 90? Okay, no boots. Okay, nearly ready. I just have to make it look like I didn't wash my hair.