an open letter to the women of my city

Ladies,

I have some friends visiting from near and far next weekend and I wonder if we might make a concerted effort to look our best whilst they are in our busy little town.
I realize summer was a long time coming and we are all thrilled to pare down our wardrobes and bust out those breezy little dresses. I understand that the heat (as it has year after year) can sometimes sap your creative energy, rendering you incapable of formulating complicated outfits.
But outfits are not my issue, city people, outfits are not my bone of contention.
I need to speak to you today about your underwear.
Each year, as soon as the mercury reaches 85° you seem to lose your senses when it comes to underwear and I must remind you again and again that panties might be a good idea.
Just because I'd spend the entire day pulling a thong out of my...well, you know where, doesn't mean I don't understand the usefulness of such a garment. But I am tired, kind gentlewomen, of watching your adorable jersey mini dress becoming trapped in your crack when you stand. It is not a flattering look, either, to have so much of ones buttocks prominently highlighted under your maxi dress while you walk briskly down 7th Avenue.
Please note: I am not, in any way, suggesting that my friends are provincial. Far from it. Our visitors are stylish and contemporary. But I cannot imagine they will make a game of it (as we do), by deciding, as you stroll past them in your platforms and dress which barely skims your bottom, if you are wearing any underpants at all.
Underpants, ladies. Underpants are not a bad thing.
If, however, they are against your fashion religion, how about a slip?
Wait. Let me guess: you don't know what slips are, do you.

Let us all put our best foot forward! Or, at the very least, cover our asses.

best,

bb