six spring trends I cannot abide by

I get a lot of email pitches. I get a few newsletters. I like to think, living where I live, that I have an idea of what might be fashionable. I don't usually dress with any particular intent beyond what I find comfortable, and by comfortable I don't mean yoga pants. I have my own kind of uniform that I alter with the addition of accessories.
Herewith: six things I won't be doing this spring.


#1. The Arm Party.
Flattering to no one, this looks like a display at a yard sale. Even the term makes my skin crawl a little, and believe me, I know plenty of beautifully turned out ladies who know how to wear a charm bracelet with a couple of gold bangles. That's not an arm party.


#2. The White Suit.
Do you remember that time Celine Dion wore the backwards white tuxedo to the Oscars? And you see how this suit looks? That's how it would look on me. And where am I wearing the white suit? Exactly.


#3. The All-Over Floral.
This is a two birds one stone situation. The pattern is bad AND it is printed on the same fabric they use for wetsuits. Sounds a little sweaty, doesn't it?


#4. The Romper.
There is one demographic for this garment. Four year-old girls.


#5. High-Waisted Jeans.
These would probably hit just beneath my bra-line. I am trying not to imagine what my butt would look like.


#6. The Patterned Nail.
I have a headache from looking at the picture. Who is doing this?

In my neck of the woods, when spring settles in we like to wear a little sunblock and put away the woolens.


Lover Lady said…
"In my neck of the woods, when spring settles in we like to wear a little sunblock and put away the woolens."

hahaha. exactly.
Anonymous said…
AMEN !!!!
I agree with all of those. Once I put on 3 bracelets and immediately said "oooh too much".
Lover Lady said…
I would like to add "peasant tops" to the list. Those don't look good on anyone. Even peasants.
Jen on the Edge said…
Amen. I intensely dislike every single one of those trends. Luckily, since they're trends, they're fleeting and we won't be seeing them for long.
I love the romper comment! And arm party?? Gross
Scot said…
I think one SHOULD wear a white suit when reading Moby Dick, or selling ice cream or fried chicken. Maybe Chloƫ Sevigny is related to Col. Sanders!
--V said…
I welcome the return of high-waisted jeans, and for this reason: I have have seen far too many strangers' underwear and/or bottoms.
Paola said…
Crazy patterned fake long nails are all the rage here ...

Yuck, so 1984 along with crazy high hair!
The Coffee Lady said…
They drag out the white suit every so long, just to make normal people who drop jam down their chests feel inadequate.
Anonymous said…
Amen X 6.
raych said…
I have high-waisted orange jeans and I own two pairs, I love them so much, and they are the antithesis of all you stand for but OH GOD THEY ARE ORANGE AND THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY and also my ass doesn't fall out the back when I bend down to scoop up my baby. They are my mom-jeans.

Also, I have been known to enjoy a good arm party, but one more slightly low-key than pictured here.

Otherwise, yes, we are in agreement.
Amy A. said…
I agree with most. Enough with the patterned nails! But I think a nice solid romper in a reasonable length might be nice. I don't think they exist though. I am interested in your "uniform" and would like to see how you change it up. This seems like it would be easy for me in fall and winter but not so much in spring and summer.
Susie Sunshine said…
Around here the big thing is women getting designs painted on their big toenail (like a flag or flowers or palm tree).

I call it the Thomas Kinkade pedicure.
Pamela said…

This is not a look anyone should endorse. Even the skinny models look like they are just showing off how thin they are -- they don't actually look good in them. Just skinny.
alice c said…
Arm party with patterned nails AND highwaisted allover floral jump suits...bring it on...why make me choose?
robiewankenobie said…
"thomas kinkade pedicure" ftw.
Nice list. I especially hate high-waisted jeans.
Anonymous said…
bb....hope you are okay.

KPB said…
1. An arm party - clearly for those who never need to, you know, sit at a desk and do some work.

2. I adhere to the rule that if Chloe Svenginy is wearing it, no one else should. Period.

3.The Scuba skirt - this is what happens when my generation grows up. Clearly someone watched St Elmo's Fire way too many times.

4.The last time I wore a romper was 1977. I was four. It was terry toweling and it was bright yellow. Feel free to use this as a supporting case for your argument.

5. Ahhh, the high waisted jean. The perfect garment to perfect your camel toe and soccer mum arse. WINNING!

6. Nail art is for skanky hoes. The end.
KPB said…
I think you could just add "ugly foral" to your list.