six spring trends I cannot abide by
I get a lot of email pitches. I get a few newsletters. I like to think, living where I live, that I have an idea of what might be fashionable. I don't usually dress with any particular intent beyond what I find comfortable, and by comfortable I don't mean yoga pants. I have my own kind of uniform that I alter with the addition of accessories.
Herewith: six things I won't be doing this spring.
#1. The Arm Party.
Flattering to no one, this looks like a display at a yard sale. Even the term makes my skin crawl a little, and believe me, I know plenty of beautifully turned out ladies who know how to wear a charm bracelet with a couple of gold bangles. That's not an arm party.
#2. The White Suit.
Do you remember that time Celine Dion wore the backwards white tuxedo to the Oscars? And you see how this suit looks? That's how it would look on me. And where am I wearing the white suit? Exactly.
#3. The All-Over Floral.
This is a two birds one stone situation. The pattern is bad AND it is printed on the same fabric they use for wetsuits. Sounds a little sweaty, doesn't it?
#4. The Romper.
There is one demographic for this garment. Four year-old girls.
#5. High-Waisted Jeans.
These would probably hit just beneath my bra-line. I am trying not to imagine what my butt would look like.
#6. The Patterned Nail.
I have a headache from looking at the picture. Who is doing this?
In my neck of the woods, when spring settles in we like to wear a little sunblock and put away the woolens.
Herewith: six things I won't be doing this spring.
#1. The Arm Party.
Flattering to no one, this looks like a display at a yard sale. Even the term makes my skin crawl a little, and believe me, I know plenty of beautifully turned out ladies who know how to wear a charm bracelet with a couple of gold bangles. That's not an arm party.
#2. The White Suit.
Do you remember that time Celine Dion wore the backwards white tuxedo to the Oscars? And you see how this suit looks? That's how it would look on me. And where am I wearing the white suit? Exactly.
#3. The All-Over Floral.
This is a two birds one stone situation. The pattern is bad AND it is printed on the same fabric they use for wetsuits. Sounds a little sweaty, doesn't it?
#4. The Romper.
There is one demographic for this garment. Four year-old girls.
#5. High-Waisted Jeans.
These would probably hit just beneath my bra-line. I am trying not to imagine what my butt would look like.
#6. The Patterned Nail.
I have a headache from looking at the picture. Who is doing this?
In my neck of the woods, when spring settles in we like to wear a little sunblock and put away the woolens.
Comments
hahaha. exactly.
Yuck, so 1984 along with crazy high hair!
Also, I have been known to enjoy a good arm party, but one more slightly low-key than pictured here.
Otherwise, yes, we are in agreement.
I call it the Thomas Kinkade pedicure.
This is not a look anyone should endorse. Even the skinny models look like they are just showing off how thin they are -- they don't actually look good in them. Just skinny.
xo
jbhat
2. I adhere to the rule that if Chloe Svenginy is wearing it, no one else should. Period.
3.The Scuba skirt - this is what happens when my generation grows up. Clearly someone watched St Elmo's Fire way too many times.
4.The last time I wore a romper was 1977. I was four. It was terry toweling and it was bright yellow. Feel free to use this as a supporting case for your argument.
5. Ahhh, the high waisted jean. The perfect garment to perfect your camel toe and soccer mum arse. WINNING!
6. Nail art is for skanky hoes. The end.