men are TOAST

TOAST has sent me their new catalogue. It's the debut of their men's line.
And, so, I present to you, The Men Of Toast.

the men of TOAST

The Colonel, Little Jimmy, Rattcliffe and Young Will.

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No one had told poor Rattcliffe that he should choose: one either goes with the Hipster Fro or the High Drama Facial Hair. Not both.
Never both.

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Adding the wingtips only compounded the problem.

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Young Will was outstanding in his field, but he was always perplexed...did he use the right fertilizer?

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And had he chosen the right place for the driveway?
He was on his way to town to find out.

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Young Will was an artist. A complicated artist whose work was often mistaken for, well, walls of speckled cement.

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Though the ring never fit, he always wore it, because, in his world, all that really mattered...

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was the cleaning schedule.

Little Jimmy thought about the cleaning schedule as well.

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Alas, he had larger issues.

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He could often been seen, wandering, murmuring, three buttons? four?

It was The Colonel who held it all together for them.
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And not only with his vast collection of string.
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Nor was it the lint that he had amassed over decades and painstakingly catalogued that would make a difference.

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It was the burned clay-ware and pipes that would save them all.
They were worth a fortune to countless store display teams across several continents.
And The Colonel knew where to find more...

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NorahS said…
Brilliant. Bravo!
RW said…
I laughed so hard... am still laughing. Do you think you could make any money with such a wit?!

I thank you.
alice c said…
Mmmmm...the Colonel and his lint collection is the man for me. Check out that stern but moody stare - the Colonel is Red Hot.
barbra said…
You have such a sharp wit! Thanks for the fun read today.
Scot said…
FINALLY, a fashion post that I can identify with!
Several weeks ago you wondered about MY sense of style. Well, if I had the money I would dress like the Colonel. Except I don't like suspenders and I'm not all that crazy about collars. I do like that sweater but not in yellow. Ugh. I also really like their scarves. The Colonel and I even share the same facial hair, although I don't have the wry mustache. I may be twisted but my mustache isn't.
One more thought - these guys are idiots! You don't get all dressed up in fancy shmancy just to sit/stand around in dirty places.

Hey, my secret password is cheepots! Well I guess that about says it all!
eurolush said…
Strangely attracted to the Colonel and his natty beard.

Were he to see the inside of my dryer, his lint dreams would take flight.
Unknown said…
Bravo, indeed! I needed that laugh today! Thank you!!
Paola said…
Once again it's early morning an dmy day starts on a happy and light note.
You have no idea how I need that.
Miz S said…
I Ell'd, Oh, Ell'd.
Ali said…
See, when they sent me that catalogue, I immediately hid it at the bottom of the recycling box. Any bucks spent at Toast are allocated to MY wardrobe. Also, I don't want 'him indoors' getting any facial hairstyling ideas from it.
Why is my tall, thin, scruffy man child working as a bouncer in a club where people get stabbed on a regular basis? He could be a model for TOAST!
Anonymous said…
These catalogs need to hire you as a copywriter.
Caron said…
Catalog living may have captions, but, you - you have story lines!!!!
You're killin' me with these posts!

J Perelman you should work for!
Terese said…
Ha, Ha, Ha you have a future as a rom com writer, LOL!!!
Anonymous said…
Okay, this was really funny. (That colonel does have a moody stare, doesn't he? He cheered up when he took off the yellow sweater, though. It reminded him too much of his yellow slicker -- he's really the Gloucester Fisherman Guy in disguise!)
DTM said…
Hilarious, love it :-)
:) awesome as always. :)
Jackie said…
I love it.
I read a blog post on a mens fashion blog recently (only because they'd pinched some of my Harris Tweed photos) where a commenter had actually asked how many times he could get away with wearing the same jacket to the office this winter.
And he was serious.
He should have read the toast catalogue for alternatives....
By the way, do toast do baby clothes?
I'd love to see those photos.