every waking moment

I'll tell you (and who else would I tell?) I'm having a hell of a time right about now.
I'm working my ass off, K has five irons in the fire, Oldest's girl has left him (Oldest is an incurable romantic), Youngest is wandering his way into Junior Year and Middle, well, Middle always keeps me wondering.
It's a particularly busy time at my workplace where I am celebrating the anniversary of my second year of employment. I am still learning my way! Why do we book my boss into that mingy hotel in Germany each year? Awful! Must he attend the Thursday morning meeting? No! That time may be better used elsewhere!
Plus, I had forgotten how emotionally wrenching K's freelance world can be. Why would G hire him again? Why wouldn't he? Who can speculate on these things?

I was so melancholy at dinner tonight. I sang a song, in Japanese, that my dad taught me and was telling Oldest how angry I am that my dad died on Halloween because a Halloween store has opened near my office. I tried to explain how Halloween seems to mock my sadness, all these years later. I tried to tell him (the only grandchild who knew my dad) how irked I am that his death and Halloween have been inextricably linked for all this time and he gave me new perspective.
Don't you see? he said, it's totally hardcore that he died on Halloween. It's like he's saying bring it on Halloween, I can outdo you!
And, even though that's just bullshit, I cheered up a little.


Poppy B. said…
I hear you. Today was really, really rough. I even ordered my son not to have any problems, because I was used the fuck up.
Anonymous said…
I didn't even click the link, and I have the damn song stuck in my head. thanks.


I hope Oldest's heart isn't very broken.
Duyvken said…
I'm glad it cheered you up, even if only a little bit. Poor old J has his birthday always tied to my dad's death. Dad died 4 days before J was born and I can't imagine a time when we won't think about them as one event.
2 yrs back at work? Amazing!!
alice c said…
It is all very well having a rollercoaster life but it is not so much fun when you are dragging yourself up the slope to the top. You just have to remember how amazing the high speed parts of the ride are.
Paola said…
I'm with Oldest. Even if I only met him for a minute I always thought that under the tough shell he seems to be wearing he must be a romantic.

Dear Alice,
you always have the RIGHT words, perfectly put together.
I am waiting for a high speed ride here ...
Scot said…
Is everybody having a shit week? It feels like Monday Part 5 over here.
Try this:

Like Duck Sauce? I wondered if you'd like the fingernails. I like the chair/hate kanye west!(luckly, he doesn't even open his mouth here!)
Apparently that's NOT a drag queen! I think the guy with the hat dances pretty well. Is that the guy from Vampire Weekend? and of course the white guy qets it wrong...
You'll figure it out...just try some Duck Sauce! Caution though, it gets under your skin in about 60 seconds.

Badger said…
Oh dude. My great-grandma died on Christmas Eve, my grandpa (my dad's dad) died two days before my dad's birthday, and DH's niece, whom I never knew, died on New Year's Eve. It's like there's some law in my family that you have to die near a significant holiday. (I pick: Yom Kippur, 2066.)

I worry about Oldest, you know. Not that anything bad will happen, because I really don't think it will, but every now and then I get a little vibe that he is going through a rough time. It's good that he has you, K and his brothers around to keep him grounded.
robiewankenobie said…
• this week really is ass. and maybe a half.

• i wish there was a way to fix things for kids instead of this standing back and letting them make their own way bullshit.

• freelance sucks

• it's my first my dad is dead but it's his birthday day on the 2nd of October.

• i can hook you up with some hotel recs. for the boss, iffin' you like. i've got peeps, yo.

• the end.
RW said…
the week is proving to be hard slogging.

it is good to have each other.
Amy A. said…
Oldest is awesome. :)
Unknown said…
I'm sorry it's been such a crappy week for you. At least it's now officially half over!

The good thing about being an incurable romantic is that it means Oldest will fall in love again and the pain of this current heartbreak will recede.

I think it's lovely that any heartache he may be feeling didn't interfere with his attempt to comfort you. It's good to be loved--for the entire bb family.
Anonymous said…
i read your post today, didnt see it coming and cried. i sent you an email, this year on halloween, i hope to be away.
Miz S said…
I love that your job has turned out to be such a source of joy for you.
Hilary said…
I so can relate to the Halloween store. My dad passed away 22 years ago, in early September. As soon as Labor Day nears, and I hear about back to school, I get so sad. I guess I always will.

hang in there....