open letters

To: Most of the boys in my house


I'm sorry, but no matter how many gadgets you have/bring home/hope to own, you will never be James Bond.


your wife and/or mother

Dear Mash,

I adore your soda - especially the pomegranate blueberry flavor. Why so expensive?




Attention Weather Gods:

We're ready. Please send Spring.


With all due respect,


K Dear,

You make the tastiest wontons EVER.

K use



Dear J Crew:

You've wormed your way back into my good graces. I've purchased some staples for my new wardrobe from your store (though your sales associates don't impress me) and I'm considering a couple of pairs of lightweight pants for the coming warm weather.
Frankly, though, your April catalog cover ticks me off a little.

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There is no doubt that the model is beautiful, but I find myself aggravated by the Slumdog Millionaire reference as well as her weight (and J Crew often features models with more realistic bodies) and the fact that I can't tell if she's wearing a shirt.
Call me prudish (though I tend not to be) but her emaciated frame - blouseless, causes me to rant. A little.

I'm done now,


Dear Rachel Ray,

I've been thinking: what's up with the voice? With all the work you're getting right now, maybe you should have a professional check it out?

Really, I have your best intentions at heart -


To: Master Foods/Mars
From: bb
RE: Twix

Thank you.


Anonymous said…
You are right on with Rachael Ray. She is actually getting some help with her voice and they are teaching her how to use it so she doesn't lose it completely. She needs to go on complete vocal rest but she won't do it because of her work. I had a friend in college who was a voice major and she had to do that for awhile. It's not easy for anyone!
Sadie said…
Actually, Rachael Ray was going to have surgery on her vocal cords around Christmastime, but then her doctor decided to have her undergo some sort of intensive therapy first, to see if surgery was really necessary. But I'm sure she appreciates your concern.
smalltownme said…
The gadgets? Remends me of our pile of remote controls.

That jacket is WAY too small.
Anonymous said…
ohh, I see my cup and salad in the background of your Mash. I know where this was taken!
Anonymous said…
Dear bb,

Love the open letters. I hope you send more.

Anonymous said…
So I know EXACTLY what I'll ask for next time.
This assuming there will be a next time, of course. ;)
Anonymous said…
Smiling here in Wisconsin.
Mary said…
Dearest bb

Thank you for you.


Anonymous said…
I don't know, bb. I think Middle COULD be Bond. It's early days.

Terese said…
Dear bb,
your blog was the first I ever wanted to read more than once... through your blog I have been introduced to so many other blog writers and blog writing styles. I have also experienced the intensity of loss and joy that online correspondence brings. The comments columns are only something I write in occasionally - nevertheless I am reading.

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