rules for Spring
Gosh. Who would have thought that yesterday's post would have worried so many of you?
I guess I should have prefaced it all by saying that the blogs of which I spoke belong to NONE OF MY REGULAR READERS. Now everyone is scrambling to look at their headers and make sure they don't whine about their lives too much.
People: don't take me so seriously. Really.
So, the last topic I mentioned sitting in draft was about spring and fashion. I'm pretty sure I've written about this before, but as the temperatures rise my list of rules comes to mind again.
These rules, in my head, do not necessarily apply to you unless you are in very flagrant disregard of them. If you have extenuating circumstances such as incredibly long gorgeous legs or you live in California, I may let some of them slide. For example: women who live in California can wear white jeans and a fur coat in February. California is beyond the realm of sensible rules. And, at the same time that I covet these guidelines, I often feel women should do whatever feels comfortable with clothing and fling rules, of any kind, out the proverbial window. Except for yoga or sweatpants. There is no reason any woman should be walking around in either - unless they are going to yoga or sweat class.
Anyway.
Past rules (and perhaps some redundant rules) can be found here.
Don't get all panicky (like yesterday). Chances are I have never seen any of you in real life and I probably won't. Also, I tend to be more judgemental here, or in my head, than if we were out to dinner someplace - in which case I would never say a word about your outfit.
Maybe I can continue this critical role tomorrow when I plan on smacking those of you with locked profiles and no email addresses. How am I supposed to reply to your comments if your profile is locked and you have no email address registered with blogger?
Shutting up now.
I guess I should have prefaced it all by saying that the blogs of which I spoke belong to NONE OF MY REGULAR READERS. Now everyone is scrambling to look at their headers and make sure they don't whine about their lives too much.
People: don't take me so seriously. Really.
So, the last topic I mentioned sitting in draft was about spring and fashion. I'm pretty sure I've written about this before, but as the temperatures rise my list of rules comes to mind again.
These rules, in my head, do not necessarily apply to you unless you are in very flagrant disregard of them. If you have extenuating circumstances such as incredibly long gorgeous legs or you live in California, I may let some of them slide. For example: women who live in California can wear white jeans and a fur coat in February. California is beyond the realm of sensible rules. And, at the same time that I covet these guidelines, I often feel women should do whatever feels comfortable with clothing and fling rules, of any kind, out the proverbial window. Except for yoga or sweatpants. There is no reason any woman should be walking around in either - unless they are going to yoga or sweat class.
Anyway.
- Pleated skirts are, generally speaking, ridiculous on anyone over 26.
- Pantyhose and sandals are never okay, even with a nude toe, but socks and sandals in the right setting can be cute.
- If you are wearing sandals, get a pedicure. It's $7 and if you put extra topcoat on your nails it will last for weeks.
- I don't mind leggings. WITH A SKIRT OR TUNIC. I'd better not see your butt.
- 16 year olds are the only women permitted to wear tops which expose their mid-section.
- If you aren't living in a commune, shave your legs.
- Sleeveless tops are not appropriate in some offices. I don't want to see your armpits.
- Forever 21 is called that for a reason. If you are over 40 you might want to steer clear.
- Ditto Urban Outfitters.
- (leftover from winter) North Face jackets are for rap stars, teenagers and mountain climbers.
- Try not to over-accessorize. A scarf is nice. A scarf and a bracelet are nice. A scarf a bracelet and big earrings are too much.
- Trends like bright yellow, animal prints and that green are best left to small doses in the case of grown up ladies.
- IMO no one should be wearing any kinds of pants with words on the ass.
- Hooded sweatshirts are not the same as cardigans.
- There is a time and place for cleavage.
- I'm not talking about butt cleavage.
- I think sneakers/trainers/jogging shoes are for sneaking, training and jogging and not for casual wear.
Past rules (and perhaps some redundant rules) can be found here.
Don't get all panicky (like yesterday). Chances are I have never seen any of you in real life and I probably won't. Also, I tend to be more judgemental here, or in my head, than if we were out to dinner someplace - in which case I would never say a word about your outfit.
Maybe I can continue this critical role tomorrow when I plan on smacking those of you with locked profiles and no email addresses. How am I supposed to reply to your comments if your profile is locked and you have no email address registered with blogger?
Shutting up now.
Comments
I like your rules very much. I tried on a pleated skirt in my recent shopping frenzy and felt jettisoned back to 1988 when a black watch tartan box pleat skirt was my school uniform. Hideous.
I'm in the clear!
But.. sometimes cleavage can't be helped.
We really have to do something about all the damn companies still selling and MAKING the jeans that no matter what style, size, shape you are or get you end up with the butt cleavage!
I couldn't agree more.
I am trying to learn that less is more - the old "take off one thing" rule.
And I cannot be doing with animal prints in fashion OR decorating. Both are absolute 'keep to minimums' for me (apart from the fact that I look disgusting in brown anyway) and case anyone thinks differently I have two words of dire warning for you.
Donatella Versace.
'Nuff said.
heh. just shitting you. i still think leggings might just be the devil, and that padma can still get away with belly shirts. that woman is unreal.
I'm supposed to reply to comments?
You reply to every single comment?
No wonder you don't have time to join Facebook.
Please go some on those guilty no-reply people because I have 110 no-reply emails sitting in my inbox and I don't know what to do with them - it feels wrong to delete with replying.
And capri pants really don't look good on everyone.
I have opinions, too.
I knew I was middle aged when I became appalled at women who allow their daughters to dress as strippers. Do we all blame Britney for this trend starting back when?
Other than that, NO COMMENT.
I can't get a pedi ANYWHERE 'round here for $7...or I'd be there once a week! What am I missing? What's the key to finding a $7 pedi?
I will tell you I ONLY saw it on very big butts and NEVER on a cute girl who could have really worn it.
And I see a lot of capri pants with socks and (fake) birkenstock around here...not pretty at all.
Stirrup pants and red pumps. I had to literally stop my car to discuss the wrongness of that act with my 13 year old daughter.
Your minions will be hyperventilating if you keep this up.
No $7 pedicure in my hometown or I'd be getting more than once every few months.
I agree with the showing of bra straps and the not wearing of lingerie as day-wear.
And, if the bra strap shows please, please wear a clean bra.
I am wearing socks and sandals. right now. I guess I am hoping I am cute.
b
Although I'd like to add that I love the pedi in the summer, cool colours, fun, but and it is a big BUT, polish will NOT stay on toes in crocs for the days when not kicking around in cute sandals. Crocs rub the polish right off!
So sorry in advance if you ever see my poor naked toenails. Ewwww. that actually sounds nastier than I meant.
A $7 pedicure !!!!! Good lord, I would be willing to FLY to Tuvalu for that ;)
Pedi's around SoFla average around 40 bucks....and those are the cheapy walk-in places.
Besides, when I wanted to tell you something I just sent an email. And you wrote right back. I was excited. Doesn't take much.
~There's a reason why pleated skirts are used as private school uniforms. They aren't attractive on anyone much older than that crowd.
~Didn't I start enough of an argument on Tertia's blog when I commented that if people were going to show me their toes, they should at least be well manicured? Either way, I TOTALLY AGREE. That being said, it doesn't need to be a professional manicure but at least trim, file, and CLEAN them before showing them. (I get $10 pedicures in NY where everything costs more. The rest of your readers must be driving right past those little cheap mani/pedi places, right?)
~I haven't seen a butt that looked good in leggings. Ever.
~Re: Exposed mid-sections: A muffin-top doesn't look good on anyone of any age. If it hangs over, cover it.
~Armpits and toes don't belong in any place of business in which I'm paying for services of any kind. In some cases, it has caused me to take my business elsewhere.
~I think the sneaker thing is all I disagree with you on. With the right cut of jeans and a casual top, sneakers work, IMO.
I think I'm one of the people you may want to smack with the locked profile. (blush) I spent an incredible amount of time earlier figuring out how to unlock mine. Then I realized I've been using the URL to my Relay for Life page anyway. (duh.) At least now it's unlocked for when after Relay is over.
How far is Tuvalu from Long Island? You and I need to sit on a park bench and play Fashion Police together. (Quietly. So as to not offend anyone, of course.)
1) I live in California. Of course, it's Napa Valley California, up where the grapes grow sweet. Right now I'm wrapped in a blanket and wishing I could turn on the heat as it's 63 degrees in the house, but I swore that I wouldn't spend money on heat after the first day of Spring. Damn spring.
2) You can get $7 pedis on Haight Street in SF. Just watch out because you might get one of those nasty infections that the local news crews have been gleefully reporting.
3)There's a difference between cute, clean tennies and a fat, dirty white marshmallow sneaker. I have an employee that wears these oversized grayish pillows every Friday because I told her she could wear jeans. I never told her she could wear horrible athletic shoes.
4) What about shirts with words across the front? I had another employee who thought it was okay to show up to a professional office wearing a pink cropped top with sparkly words that proclaimed her to be a "Lil Ho!"
Lil Ho was sent home to change.
5) Flip flops are for the beach. Or the locker room to get to the shower. That's it. Not the office. Never, ever the office.
6) Dani--it is impossible to offend Long Islanders. As a former girl who believed "the higher the hair, the closer to God" and that pleather purses were a good idea, I guarantee you--if they're born and bred on the Island, they won't take offense. They'll just spit on you and tell you to go to...well, you know.
Yes, but you would be thinking it in your head. And we would KNOW you were thinking it. And we would be very, very afraid.