open letters to the patrons in the library, 9:43 am
Dear Elderly Couple Sitting Next To Me:
Do you come to the library every day? To read the Chinese newspaper? Maybe it's Korean.
I love that you are here together, that the librarian said good morning to you and that you are quiet. (Sometimes the people in the reading area do not respect the quiet rules.)
I love your outfits too. Sensible shoes, fine cardigans. In short, you are adorable, especially when you point out articles to each other.
Thanks for sitting near me.
Best,
bb
To The Library Staff Who Man the Front Desk:
This is a freakin LIBRARY, people.
What's up with the full volume voices? And the clunking?
We, here in the reading room, like silence. We would, perhaps, accept the
occasional clunk of a book being re-shelved, but I think I can speak for myself and this old couple sitting next to me when I demand that you stop with the loud voices.
Yours,
bb
Dear Guy In The Reading Room With the Incessantly Chiming Cell Phone:
First of all, that's an annoying ring tone. You probably saw "chimes" and thought it would
be tranquil, but I'm telling you it's not.
Did you not see me shoot you the look of death when it rang for the third time in ten minutes?
You can't be that important and be hanging around the reading room of the library on a Thursday morning.
shut it down,
bb
To The Bird Chirping On The Library Patio:
Thanks.
I appreciate it.
Love,
bb
Attention: PERSON SCREWING WITH THE ALARM DOWNSTAIRS.
Subject: WTF
It's not like this place is open 24/7. In fact, the building is closed for half a day on Wednesdays.
You couldn't have screwed with the alarm system yesterday?
Emails may be addressed to blackbirdmail@mac.com
WARNING TO THE HOMELESS GUY WITH THE INFECTED SORES:
DO NOT COME OVER HERE AND SIT NEAR ME.
DON'T .
DO
NOT.
Dear Sweet Old Man Who Left That Plastic Bag Of Stuff On The Floor Near The Table:
Is that a bomb?
Why would anyone want to bomb the Tuvalu Public Library?
It looks like gym clothes.
Why did you leave it there? Are those your car keys? Are you just very comfortable here
or maybe a little senile.
Oh, you were off buying stamps somewhere?
I didn't know they sell stamps here.
Hey!
Where ARE you going? You are making me nervous.
Sit down and read. Just look at how nicely the couple at my table are behaving.
Really,
bb
Dear Librarian In The Biography Stacks:
My GOD those are gorgeous eyeglass frames. You've got a real Carrie Donovan thing going on there and I appreciate what you've done with what must be a 40 year old skirt.
The hair is good too. Very chic.
You are probably living my fantasy life.
hugs,
bb
Do you come to the library every day? To read the Chinese newspaper? Maybe it's Korean.
I love that you are here together, that the librarian said good morning to you and that you are quiet. (Sometimes the people in the reading area do not respect the quiet rules.)
I love your outfits too. Sensible shoes, fine cardigans. In short, you are adorable, especially when you point out articles to each other.
Thanks for sitting near me.
Best,
bb
To The Library Staff Who Man the Front Desk:
This is a freakin LIBRARY, people.
What's up with the full volume voices? And the clunking?
We, here in the reading room, like silence. We would, perhaps, accept the
occasional clunk of a book being re-shelved, but I think I can speak for myself and this old couple sitting next to me when I demand that you stop with the loud voices.
Yours,
bb
Dear Guy In The Reading Room With the Incessantly Chiming Cell Phone:
First of all, that's an annoying ring tone. You probably saw "chimes" and thought it would
be tranquil, but I'm telling you it's not.
Did you not see me shoot you the look of death when it rang for the third time in ten minutes?
You can't be that important and be hanging around the reading room of the library on a Thursday morning.
shut it down,
bb
To The Bird Chirping On The Library Patio:
Thanks.
I appreciate it.
Love,
bb
Attention: PERSON SCREWING WITH THE ALARM DOWNSTAIRS.
Subject: WTF
It's not like this place is open 24/7. In fact, the building is closed for half a day on Wednesdays.
You couldn't have screwed with the alarm system yesterday?
Emails may be addressed to blackbirdmail@mac.com
WARNING TO THE HOMELESS GUY WITH THE INFECTED SORES:
DO NOT COME OVER HERE AND SIT NEAR ME.
DON'T .
DO
NOT.
Dear Sweet Old Man Who Left That Plastic Bag Of Stuff On The Floor Near The Table:
Is that a bomb?
Why would anyone want to bomb the Tuvalu Public Library?
It looks like gym clothes.
Why did you leave it there? Are those your car keys? Are you just very comfortable here
or maybe a little senile.
Oh, you were off buying stamps somewhere?
I didn't know they sell stamps here.
Hey!
Where ARE you going? You are making me nervous.
Sit down and read. Just look at how nicely the couple at my table are behaving.
Really,
bb
Dear Librarian In The Biography Stacks:
My GOD those are gorgeous eyeglass frames. You've got a real Carrie Donovan thing going on there and I appreciate what you've done with what must be a 40 year old skirt.
The hair is good too. Very chic.
You are probably living my fantasy life.
hugs,
bb
Comments
What could you possibly be typing over there? All the time with the clack, clack, clack. Is that really necessary? Some people are trying to read in here, you know.
Signed,
Just Kidding
P.S. I am alarmed by the snowball update photo. Is it gone already? Or is that an extreme closeup? Is there a photo set on flickr for that sucker? And why am I so anxious about it all of a sudden?
Co-signed,
Needs A Xanax
Elderly Couple sound sweet.
And our librarians also use their outdoor voices.
http://jmeg.typepad.com
And the snowball looks more like a hairball now.
Your posts make me smile every day. I adore your commentary on the ordinary and the way you see the extraordinary. You raise blogging to an art form.
Your Admiring,
Green Girl
In fact, it might have made my top ten favorite bb posts.
How do you manage to make life's ordinary events so beautiful? I love that you let us get a glimpse of how you think. It's a great way to BE in the world. It helps me start off my day, every day.
Thanks for being you.
my favourite library place is the Reading Room of the State Library, Macquarie St Sydney. It has such atmosphere,stained glass windows and a pattern of griffins in a bas relief around the ceiling. I go there to write and sketch the scenes in my plays.
I ratted him out and the police came and took him away.
It was gross-slash-funny.
i LOVED IT! TOO FLIPPIN' FUNNY!!!!!
It's lethal...
he he
bring me some of those lasagna rolls for lunch, and I'll give a stern talking-to to the patron with the noisy phone, investigate the elderly gentleman's bag, and tell my staff to pipe down -- sorry, I don't have any cute vintage skirts or cool eyeglasses, but I'll do my best there, too