I've threatened long enough
The time has come for me to discuss the SkyMall catalogue.
I'm sure you are aware of the SkyMall catalogue.
There you (or I) are, squished between a man who has made a pretzel of himself and gone to sleep and a barrel chested lawyer with a few thousand documents to read - in the very last row of the plane. You've (I've) already read your magazine as the flight was delayed two hours and the laptop is out of juice. Whilst trying to remain patient awaiting the Waitress Of The Sky with the miniature bottle of Chardonnay, I reach for - The SkyMall Catalogue.
Maybe it's hysterically funny because of the situation - trapped 30,000 feet above the earth, going really fast (I don't know air speeds) eating miniature food, or maybe it's not funny at all.
Herewith, my favorites:
Coolers are so damn heavy. Especially when they are full of beer. I wonder if you can be pulled over for drunk driving on the way home.
I'm contemplating purchasing four or five of these and inviting my bloggy friends for a long weekend. Doesn't it look comfortable?
I know someone already loves this - it's marked at my flickr photostream - but IMO, if you like the edges of brownies SO much that you spend $40 on this pan I think you need to rethink your priorities.
Scary, I know, but I think I might want this. Not for the floor cleaning potential but for my showers and range hood. Gross. I know.
This is the x-ray picture of...
And I'm telling you now: if you buy it? you won't be 'traveling' with me.
LET'S SAY IT TOGETHER. THE SLANKET.
I'M LAUGHING TOO HARD TO TELL YOU MORE.
PLEASE LET THERE BE NO PICTURE PLEASE LET THERE BE NO PICTURE PLEASE LET...
I'm wondering if it can be used on other things...drool? vomit?
Not only are they helpful, they are attractive too.
Unfortunately, the thought of them at their filthiest leaves me queasy.
This brings us to the medical section of the SkyMall.
Do a lot of people have foot problems? Who's buying all this stuff?
Special note: putting a lower case i in front of product names is very groovy.
Based on the selection in the magazine, I'd say there must be an awful lot of people with plantar fasciitis. They sell more than one kit.
Why does this look so scary to me?
Does it electrocute the infection? Is it bullshit? Does it hurt? Why is it $99.95?
It creeps me out.
I prefer low-tech.
And I might even order this. I have a tense, tense neck.
I heard someone discussing these the other day -
apparently, when removed, they are BLACK WITH THE TOXINS they have sucked out of your body and through your feet.
Just THINKING about this whilst hurtling through the ether with a miniature bottle of chardonnay at my side is enough to SHIT ME TO TEARS.
I'm sure you are aware of the SkyMall catalogue.
There you (or I) are, squished between a man who has made a pretzel of himself and gone to sleep and a barrel chested lawyer with a few thousand documents to read - in the very last row of the plane. You've (I've) already read your magazine as the flight was delayed two hours and the laptop is out of juice. Whilst trying to remain patient awaiting the Waitress Of The Sky with the miniature bottle of Chardonnay, I reach for - The SkyMall Catalogue.
Maybe it's hysterically funny because of the situation - trapped 30,000 feet above the earth, going really fast (I don't know air speeds) eating miniature food, or maybe it's not funny at all.
Herewith, my favorites:
Coolers are so damn heavy. Especially when they are full of beer. I wonder if you can be pulled over for drunk driving on the way home.
I'm contemplating purchasing four or five of these and inviting my bloggy friends for a long weekend. Doesn't it look comfortable?
I know someone already loves this - it's marked at my flickr photostream - but IMO, if you like the edges of brownies SO much that you spend $40 on this pan I think you need to rethink your priorities.
Scary, I know, but I think I might want this. Not for the floor cleaning potential but for my showers and range hood. Gross. I know.
This is the x-ray picture of...
And I'm telling you now: if you buy it? you won't be 'traveling' with me.
LET'S SAY IT TOGETHER. THE SLANKET.
I'M LAUGHING TOO HARD TO TELL YOU MORE.
PLEASE LET THERE BE NO PICTURE PLEASE LET THERE BE NO PICTURE PLEASE LET...
I'm wondering if it can be used on other things...drool? vomit?
Not only are they helpful, they are attractive too.
Unfortunately, the thought of them at their filthiest leaves me queasy.
This brings us to the medical section of the SkyMall.
Do a lot of people have foot problems? Who's buying all this stuff?
Special note: putting a lower case i in front of product names is very groovy.
Based on the selection in the magazine, I'd say there must be an awful lot of people with plantar fasciitis. They sell more than one kit.
Why does this look so scary to me?
Does it electrocute the infection? Is it bullshit? Does it hurt? Why is it $99.95?
It creeps me out.
I prefer low-tech.
And I might even order this. I have a tense, tense neck.
I heard someone discussing these the other day -
apparently, when removed, they are BLACK WITH THE TOXINS they have sucked out of your body and through your feet.
Just THINKING about this whilst hurtling through the ether with a miniature bottle of chardonnay at my side is enough to SHIT ME TO TEARS.
Comments
I do not like the edges of brownies, so I don't get the Edge Pan at all.
The rest is just ridiculous and goes to show that some people will buy just about anything if they are bored or drunk enough.
Kinda reminds me of the stuff they peddle on late night TV.
A friend just sent me the link for the edge pan. I think i could need that. mmm, chewy.
and i saw an info-mercial for those foot patches ... something about how they're Korean or Chinese (i'm sorry, i don't mean to be ameri-centric. let's just say Asian) medicine. I can't imagine how they're supposed to work. I bet they just have something in them that turns black when it comes in contact with the sweat on your foot. ick. but then, i'm a cynic.
Also, plane delays? I now start reading a 900 page book as soon as I get to the airport. I also have a book of NY Times crossword puzzles. And enough water and snacks to last 24 hours.
'Nuff said.
And the micro-slippers, in my house, would instantly be covered in layer upon layer of dog hair.
and that neck thingy? It looks like a suicide device!
I'm wondering how the travel vest is bulge-less while carrying all those items.
I swear I could shop for my entire family from just the bits you've posted. That ride on drink cooler has my Dad's name all over it.
Second--the foot pads do remove toxins. FROM THE SKIN ON YOUR FEET. Are you going to place them all over your body? How 'bout you slice open your neck and stick the pads on your lymph nodes?
And I imagine too much of the silver-shooting gun will turn you blue.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/12/20/nblue120.xml
I'm just sayin'.
The rest? Hysterical.
http://pinecurtain.blogspot.com/2007/12/tis-season.html
And why is that poo freeze thing so scarily like "Vapoorize?" (Did you see Envy?)
1. just where would you go cruisin on your cooler?
2. that inflatable bed looks more comfortable than my real bed.
3. That edge baking pan is just weird. I mean, over here we fight for the inside bits...
4. I can picture exactly the type of man who'd wear that travel vest (as only a man would wear such a travesty) and he would be sitting next to me on the plane because that is how it always is
5. I want a slanket for every member of the family and I am also going to try and work it into everyday speech. Even the model looks embarrassed.
6. I now want a bottle of poop freeze to try the next time one of the kids vomits everywhere. Can you imagine - no mopping up, just a spray and peel. Noice.
7. If I used those in this house I'd be gagging at how filthy they were after about four steps. I mean, why make them in white!?!
8. that leg squeezer creeps me out
9. I can't believe you found something with plantar fasciitis in the title. Chef self-diagnosed his plantar fasciitis and has secretly been doing exercises to deal with. I'm not kidding. Apparently his feet feel much better.
10. anything with the words 'derma' and 'septic' together needs to be avoided at all costs. By the looks of it it simply deals with cold sores which make me feel all squicky at the outset.
11. a self traction device - noice.
12. are those foot patches like those little adhesive things you put on your nose to clean your pores? Cool.
13. I'm so proud of your commitment to utilising the shit to tears lexicon. It makes me so proud.