why I watch All My Children

You can make fun of me all you like, but I watch All My Children.
And I'm going to tell you why....

Sure, there are dozens of studies covering this topic - I know, I've googled them, but then I was too lazy to draw parallels so you'll just have to go with my reasons.

First of all, no one has a real job on All My Children. They have jobs that we all would love; modeling or running a cosmetics company or being a private investigator, but, what I mean is, no one actually GOES TO WORK. No one has to crawl out of bed to shower, shave and trudge off to the train. People actually only shower if there is a chance someone hot can walk in on them and lather their back.

People don't have to make lunches and put the kids on the bus or drive to school ten times a week either. Children are either adorable moppets, used as props, or perfectly dressed teens talking about stuff writers pretend teens talk about. The children on AMC never interrupt their parents on the phone, never need a ride anywhere and never wear tee shirts with stupid sayings on them.

Everyone is perfectly coiffed, all the time, on AMC. Their clothes are always freshly laundered and no one ever has static cling or dog fur on their hem. Plus, everyone dresses as though they are going to a cocktail party EVERY DAY. Imagine spotting me in the supermarket in my black strapless chiffon dress? Wait, I don't think anyone GOES to the supermarket in Pine Valley.

And, can I talk about Pine Valley for a minute?
Pine Valley is supposed to be in Pennsylvania. I know a little about life in Pennsylvania but I didn't realize they have an OCEAN there. And Pine Valley is 15 minutes, by car, from New York City. I'm thinking that's not true either.

Finally, I'm pretty sure that no matter what happens here in Tuvalu, no matter what trials we face, we'll never have to deal with K's ex-wife, who we thought was dead, coming back and kidnapping one of our children, because she believes the child should be hers because her embryos were destroyed in a black-out, and driving off a cliff in a horrendous accident which leaves our child stone deaf but with no other apparent injuries. And, even if that did happen, we would just have my ex-husband, who owns casinos and a multi-million dollar organization, with no actual products or employees, hire someone to pose as her long lost psycho brother and torment her until she leaves town. And this, my friends, is a great relief to me.