the pirate movie

When I got home from the supermarket on Saturday afternoon K said that the boys had expressed some interest in seeing the pirate movie. The Pirate Movie.
Not Oldest - he knew full well that there was no way he would be able to sit through it. He's nothing if not self aware, that boy.

Youngest was especially excited, and I was excited because I thought I might get a chance to sit with Middle. I hardly ever get time with Middle.

And so, off we went.
We went to the big theater. The one with the cushy seats and headrests (which I am SURE give you lice). I smuggled in some popcorn, green apple Twizzlers and Hershey bars. K bought drinks. Drinks which cost more than a decent bottle of wine.

I won't give anything away here - save for the fact that if you want to see the real END of the movie you'd better stay through ALL of the credits. Youngest was smart enough to know this.

I haven't really seen the other pirate movies. I've seen bits and pieces of them.
Johnny Depp is wonderful in all of them, but at times in this one he almost looked a little tired of it all. I can't blame him. Hasn't he been this pirate guy for, like, five years? That's got to be a little tiresome.

K and J

He looks damn fine though. I had plenty of time to study his costume etc. and I love all of it.
Keira pretty much made me crazy. She does a lot of yelling and screaming and acting with her teeth in this one. Her costume for the last half was wonderful.
I guess it's pretty obvious what I look at - but, really, it's because the plot was inscrutable.

But a lot of it revolves around this lady...

mystery woman

whose accent was often inscrutable.
Several times she made prophetic statements


which would leave the pirates bereft and Middle and I would look at each other and yell: WHAT?!
And it was possible to yell to each other, nay, necessary even, as this movie is SO DAMN LOUD.
It couldn't possibly get anymore epic-al (YES, that is a word).
Just when we thought it couldn't get any wilder, there was a MAELSTROM!
I tell ye, it was exhausting watching it.

I'm not giving anything away by telling you that Keith Richards is in it for a few moments, am I?
I will give this away: they should have just left him the hell alone.
He's a fine looking pirate just on his own -


but they tarted him up. It even looked as though they filled out his face with some latex. Not so good. He does a good job, but, it's funny, he's less Keith Richards than we expect because we are so used to seeing Depp overplay him.

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I have no real fondness for Orlando Bloom.
I'm too old I suppose.
My nieces are crazy for him.
And that other guy just looks like he has terrible breath.
I'm sorry, that's all I can think of when I see him.
He has a pain-in-the-ass monkey too. Two strikes.

It's all a good ride.
Lots of action. Too much maybe.
(I could be a professional movie reviewer, don't you think? SO COHERENT.)

There's a good pirate meeting -

pirate meeting

and somehow a bunch of Asian pirates get involved -

Singapore guys

but most of them have open sores on their faces.
I'm not kidding.
I can't even LOOK at that Davey Jones Squidhead Guy. He just freaks me out.
And then, it turned out that he was very well played by the guy who was the aging rock star in Love Actually - one of my FAVORITE MOVIES. Of. All. Time.


Love in the ruins.
It doesn't turn out well. Sort of.
I smell a sequel!
How many times do you think Johnny Depp will DO a pirate movie?

on beach

In summation -
good art direction
and pirates!

I think I'd better work on my reviewing skills as I have been tapped to review that Kitchen Confidential series which has just been released on dvd.

Guess what we're doing next week? It's 13 episodes.


Anonymous said…
Johnny Depp. After that, nothing else matters. Howcome Johnny Depp never came to Adelaide?
BabelBabe said…
pls tell me depp gets the girl and not wussy Orlando.

Bill Nighy. Whom I adore. That's Davy jones and Rock-star-dude.
jenny said…
this is a movie I hope to NEVER see.

I'm not a fan of that Keira Knightly...although I don't know if I've seen her in anything else...too screechy and she DOES act with her teeth - perfect.
Anonymous said…
Oh yes: ships crashing, bodies overboard, throats slit, ladies screaming and lots of [i]Ahoys[/i].
What's not to like about this pirate movie?

I'm just jokin'.

You really got me when you said it was LOUD. I know that kind of LOUD. And that in itself is enough to make me run from this pirate movie as fast as I can.

Although Depp looks wonderful. Methinks. Really wonderful. Haven't seen a better looking pirate in I don't know how long.
And I love the threads, the colors.

As for your television week ahead, in between your viewing of Kitchen Confidential, I know you'll want to make time for the [i]first[/i] in this Jack Sparrow pirate trilogy, "The Curse of the Black Pearl," which will air on the USA network in it's entirety [b]FOUR[/b] times this week, Thursday thru Sunday. Check your local listings.

It seems one can run from the pirate movies, but one cannot hide.

(unless an interesting clothing influence comes out of all this, sort of like it did with [i]Out of Africa[/i]).
Anonymous said…
Put some Tea Tree or Lavender Oil in your hair before going to the movies (or on a plane, a theme park, etc) Lice do not like strong smells. Or you can go full on paranoid and take a beach towel to lay over your seat. I've done both.
Unknown said…
Just came home from seeing Pirates 3. I'd give it a "meh" on the 1-10 scale. It wasn't as good as the first, probably a bit better than the second, and very very predictable. Not enough Johnny Depp, even in triplicate. Too much Orlando Bloom, who I find tiresome. Kiera... she's beautiful but so annoying. And I have to agree with you, her outfit as King was stupendous. I was loving it too.

We did not stay for the end of the credits because I had to pee. Sorry, it's a long movie. Can you email me and tell me what I missed?

Keith looked just like Keith. I wish he had a bigger part.

Didn't get what happened to Calypso. She turned into crabs and then what?

And what was the deal with the peanuts? I didn't get that.

Agree about the horrid SquidHead Davy Jones, who totally grossed me out, but I like Geoffery Rush (Barbosa) and thought he did a great job in this one.

I have to admit, the entire movie I kept thinking about going to the dentist. The teeth.... how gross.
tut-tut said…
Frankly, no movie needs to be this long. Where, oh where, is the film editor? This is a role that needs to be expanded in movieland, not reduced.
Alice said…
I agree with Oldest on this one and will NOT be attending this lengthy/expensive movie fest...
Anonymous said…
Well, Daughter just called. She took her Eldest (age 6) and his friend to see this pirate movie, and the votes are in: Daughter got a headache from all the "action" noise, said Keith is a spook and how could I ever have liked him and Jagger and the Stones (i love her but she has no taste),and she loved the bland Bloom.
All in all, pirate 3 was what she expected, but louder, said she.
More importantly, her young Eldest and his friend of the same age LOVED IT, LOVED IT to death, and her now her Middle (who is too young but fearless and persuasive) wants to go to see the pirates with DAD and his brother, who is ELDEST, and would like nothing better than to see it again.

Clearly, Disney still knows how to attract the children in large numbers, and that's not a bad thing. And kids have always loved pirates (think: Captain Hook in Peter Pan)...and as long as I don't have to see it, I think I'm all for Captain Jack Sparrow and his motley crew.

It could have been worse, as far as a summer movie is concerned. Since I don't have to see it, especially.

PS: Daughter was told by her 6 year old Eldest that they had to stay past the credits...must have been the subject of much talk around the drinking fountain in kindergarten.
Caterina said…
"...cushy seats and headrests (which I am SURE give you lice)."

Ewww, thinking about it now, I don't think I'll be returning to the movie theatre any time soon.

I missed Pirates 2, can't remember any of Pirates 1 (except perhaps Depp, yum) the chances of me seeing Pirates 3? Slim. Even more slim with the lice issue. Double ew.
KPB said…
Johnny Depp does it for me on so many levels. So many. Levels.

I can't stand Keira or Orlando - is that they are the generation below me and I find most of them highly irritating for their mere existence not to mention the inflective they have in how they speak. EUGH.

Geoffrey Rush - the one who you think looks like he would have bad breath is Australian so I won't hear a bad word.
~ej said…
i will see the movie this weekend. jd must be viewed on the big screen ;)
haha, and orlando too (he's young, but so what). i think this is the last one tho....
HATED the monkey...
Brokemom said…
Good grief, I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants at your description of the 'other guy just looks like he has terrible breath'. Because that just describes it exactly.
Anonymous said…
Love Actually! Best. Movie. Ever. Rock on!