I said I'm cold

Brother L and I try to speak on the phone a couple of times a week - sometimes we end up calling each other every day, but, for the most part we talk twice a week.
He lives about 40 minutes from here, nearer to Kulia.
Anyway - he's damn funny, my brother L, and our conversations are often halted by one of us laughing too hard - or, shouting at a child (M! do you see this macaroni shaped thing? next to my ear? it's a telephone! leave me alone and I'll help you move your Legos in a minute.)

Today, for some reason, he interjected constantly with: No soap, radio! causing us to wonder aloud, what the heck does that mean, and where is it from?
The origin has been lost to me during the process of typing this up, but I do have this:

Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first one says, "Pass the soap." The second one says, "No soap, radio!"

A foreign man is flying in an airplane. He points out of the window at the unfamiliar countryside below and exclaims, "No soap… radio?"

A penguin and a polar bear are sitting on an iceberg. The penguin yells, "Radio!" They both jump in the water.

Two elephants are sitting in the bathtub. One elephant says to the Other, "Please pass the soap." The elephant replies to the other elephant, "What do I look like, a radio?"

Slightly different is Two strawberries are in the shower. One says to the other, "Will you pass the shampoo?" The second replies, "What do you think I am, your typewriter?"

There seems to be a common water theme going on. I don't know what that means.

So we spent a while, on the phone, laughing and I couldn't keep up - I need to Tivo you, I told him as I wiped my eyes, to which he replied:

I said I'm cold, WHAT ARE YOU DEAF!!!!????

I had the kind of day, yesterday, wherein you just keep moving forward, doing your thing and it all just goes to hell around you.
And you can bet, you captive audience, you, that you are going to read about one of the highlights.
After early morning errands to the post office and library I drove 20 minutes or so to the schmancy supermarket with big plans for upcoming meals.
The market did not disappoint.
I assembled my cart to overflowing, I remembered my green bags - it was all going pretty well.
But it's a big place and I had noticed upon entering that they were remodeling the floors.
Each aisle had plywood taped down or bare cement and tiles half ripped up - but after a little while I stopped paying attention and was completely transfixed with my list and the selections on the shelf. TRANSFIXED I TELL YOU.
And that's how, in the double wide freezer aisle, after I noted bales of wire on the floor near me, I pushed my cart, with groceries nearly as tall me, OVER A PIECE OF WHITE ALUMINUM. I know! It sounds innocuous, but, believe me, it wasn't. Apparently it was part of the lighting system which the electricians were installing two stories over me on scaffolding.
I had no clue. And I guess they thought I couldn't hear them because they proceeded to bitch and moan and discuss me and point at me for the rest of the aisle, and the next.
My reaction to this was, of course, to try very hard not to cry.
Clearly I should have gone to the manager and complained, but I blanked out.
I felt like I was six years old.

And that sort of set up the tone for my day.
And I kept walking through it.
Annoying phone calls, the doorbell constantly ringing, Oldest dissatisfied with his job, with HIS LIFE (he is very dramatic), the neighbor babies needing my help to get their ball out of a tree, lots of driving.

It ended with me, with a nice glass of Pinot at my lips, INHALING instead of DRINKING.
(I've never really had a problem with this.)
I coughed and choked and sputtered for half an hour.
And then I went to bed.

At 4:54 am my comments got spammed with 5 PAGES of information regarding the apocalypse.
No one was being mean - (thank you to all my well wishers)
it wasn't my troll -
and I'm fine.
But I don't feel like moderating 5 page comments right now.
I have ironing to do.


Heather said…
I did my ironing last night, until my phone a friend pointed out that it's a waste of time to iron and then pack. Better to pack and then let my mother iron, no?
Alice said…
I'm proud of the wine... I'm would have done straight for the gin with that kind of day.
I'm proud of you for keeping your cool in the store. I probably would have said quite a few regretable things to the rude electricians.
Robbo said…
I always post anonymously because I don't blog, just like reading yours.

Suse said…
Ooh babelbabe got that huge apocalyptic comment too. I know because I arrived straight after and it was SCARY.
KPB said…
I'm almost counting days to when I can inhale a good pinot once more.

I am kinda jealous of your relationship w/ your brother. Because I don't have what you'd call a relationship with my brother. Our conversations are so painful you can almost hear the air particles dying as words come from my mouth. It's not that we don't like each other or that we had a huge falling out or anything of that nature. We are just two very different people who really have absolutely nothing in common with each other. It's actually quite fascinating if it wasn't so sad.

And I would have felt like I was 6 too - although with the current hormonal rage coursing my veins I probably would have given them an earful that would have made them blush to their toes and apologise to me.

And spam. G'ah.
KPB said…
And was it me? your Australian visitor who was dropping by all the time and not commenting? You see, I have this bad habit of commenting in my head and just forgetting to actually put finger to keyboard.
Saoirse said…
the sock thing: it IS a big deal. I picked up socks for my son the other day (thinking I was doing him a big favor). It was like I was asking him to cross-dress! Apparently, the ones you mentioned are the ONLY type of socks any self-respecting man/boy between 13-23 will wear now. The rest, who knows?
Anonymous said…
Maira Kalman has a new book coming out??

Worth getting out of bed today just to find that out!

Very bad spammers out there. No fun!
Sarah Louise said…
ooh, I got the apocolypse guy too. GAH.

Oh, and I heart Maira Kalman--I still sort of want her do-up of Elements of Style.

My brother can be that funny when he's less stressed than he is right now, but I've never heard of the no radio joke before...

Why is everyone on the blogosphere ironing right now?

I would have blanked out at the store too and walked out and come home to drink.

there, there. Can I offer you a pair of $48 shorts? Or some socks?