how to wrap a gift

1. Purchase a sheet of very expensive flocked paper.

2. Marvel at the color of the flocked paper. Perfect for a petulant 16 year old.

3. Purchase 6 yards of assorted black ribbon.

4. Cut paper to size. Leave lime green flocking dust EVERYWHERE.

flocking sheds

5. Marvel at the weight of the paper as you try to fold and crease it.


6. Discover that cello-tape does not hold paper in place.

7. Try to secure paper with trippy smelling household cement normally used for porcelain.

8. Discover that cement does not hold paper in place.

9. Glue son's fingers to paper with Crazy Glue.

10. Discover that Crazy Glue does not hold paper in place.

11. Start rifling through kitchen drawers in search of powerful adhesives.

12. Rule out spray adhesive.

13. Consider spray adhesive for Middle's hair.

14. Have and AHA moment upon finding glue gun languishing in drawer.

I have a gun and I...

15. Don't wait long enough for glue gun to heat.

16. Glue fingers.


17. Glue paper.

glue application

18. Apply full body press to hold paper and glue in place.

full body press

19. Discover that hot glue succeeds in holding paper in place.

20. Announce, several times, to everyone in house, that you are about to: WRAP THIS PACKAGE LIKE A MOFO.

21. Say mofo a few more times for fun.

22. Arrange ribbons as is desired.

evening out the ribbons

23. Have middle child hold ribbon in place.

24. Discover that a touch of hot glue could help here too.

oh! we'll glue the ribbon!

25. Tie bow.

26. Try not to be too smug whilst middle child phones recipient of gift to talk about mother's wrapping skillz.

27. Go ahead. Be smug anyway.



MsCellania said…
Ah, very pretty!
Yes, very snazzy, even.
I hope your handiwork is much admired.
I had a messenger diaper bag in those 2 colors, come to think of it...
willam said…
do the same kind of post about securing a wig to a head. it would be great fun!
Joke said…
All you need to be a badass is a holster for the glue gun.

Badger said…
Um. Well. That's not how I wrap a gift. But you go, with your mad wrapping skillz! And whatnot!
Bec said…
Awaiting post detailing steps required by recipient to UNwrap that mofo.

Chuckling, while waiting...
Anonymous said…
ohmigod woman, are you serious? You are INSANE. But resourceful.
Anonymous said…
Cool paper! Now there's a design that is begging to be reproduced in quilling - let me at it. :-D I think the Japanese have a way of wrapping presents without using any adhesive at all - the twine, ribbon, whatever does the work.
Anonymous said…
Well done.
Anonymous said…
wow, impressive!! and very very pretty :)
did we share what was in said package??
--erica said…
i'm impressed.