video hits one

I watched some VH1 yesterday.
Whilst ironing.
And I took notes.

First I saw a video by the delectable Outkast, featuring the adorable Andre...


Andre is shirtless and cute and strumming away on an acoustic guitar -



and even though he has stupid facial hair and appears to be short (you know how I feel about short guys) I am just in love with him. Have I mentioned how cute he is?



So.
He's strumming away and singing his cute little heart out and heeeeeyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaahhhh,
no, um, actually, he's all bluesy. And people are getting down all around him -



and fish are jumping, and water is swirling and rising, and mama's cookin chicken!



And aside from the hurricane/flood imagery, which I may not be terribly comfortable with, it's a great video. Dark and grimy looking.




You can almost feel the heat in the room and you just want to dance.
And the fish swim around...



and there's water everywhere and there's some sassy stuff



and even babies get the blues...



Okay.
Next I saw The Pussycat Dolls.




Did I spell that right?
Is pussycat one word?
Whatevah.
Full bodied girls. Singing (I guess), but mostly shaking their asses around.



I think in my next phase of life I want to be a Pussycat Doll.
And I told Oldest about it.
Imagine, I said, You could say to your friends, yeah, sure, Dave's mom is hot, but my mom is a Pussycat Doll.
He looked up at me from the couch when I said that -
and said: just shut-up right now, mom.
which really isn't very polite, is it?
I guess the Pussycat Doll scenario just didn't work for him.
I liked the outfit with the turtleneck best.

Next I saw that Fergie girl.
She's all over the internet, that Fergie girl.
And, it turns out, she is not the Duchess of York.
Nosireebob.
She's kind of a pig, that Fergie girl -



and her London Bridge is falling down,



and she dresses like a lady but acts like a -



well, you know.
I don't think she's a very nice kid, that Fergie girl - and I think she's probably Oldest's age and I really think he shouldn't hang around with girls like that.
Plus she totally looks like she could beat the crap out of him.

Diddy was next.
See how smart I am, that I know his name? Cause I know he has changed it a few times.
So, Diddy is sleeping and this sultry lady (and I use the term lady loosely) is answering his phone and snuggling him and I cannot help wondering, is he married?



He canoodles with an awful lot of ladies in this video and I know, I know, it's not real or anything...



but still.
Also, there is something freaky in his grill.



I saw a video after that with some fellow lying down in odd places.
He was reclining at the top of an escalator, which made me totally nervous.
He was lying right on his back on the floor of the subway which just CANNOT be clean or safe, and he continued to take a little rest throughout the song.
I didn't catch who he was or what he was singing even, I was too caught up in wishing he would stand up.
And when I went to google 'guy lying down at the top of an escalator' I got some interesting results, but none of them were the video I saw.

It must have become Indy hour or something because the last video I saw was this everything in black or white video.



With this lady who was not especially gorgeous or anything,



whining and whining and whining.



But she got to hold hands with the cute boy at the end, and, as it turns out, that's all that matters in videos anyway.