video hits one

I watched some VH1 yesterday.
Whilst ironing.
And I took notes.

First I saw a video by the delectable Outkast, featuring the adorable Andre...
Picture 1

Andre is shirtless and cute and strumming away on an acoustic guitar -

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and even though he has stupid facial hair and appears to be short (you know how I feel about short guys) I am just in love with him. Have I mentioned how cute he is?

Picture 5

He's strumming away and singing his cute little heart out and heeeeeyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaahhhh,
no, um, actually, he's all bluesy. And people are getting down all around him -

Picture 3

and fish are jumping, and water is swirling and rising, and mama's cookin chicken!

Picture 4

And aside from the hurricane/flood imagery, which I may not be terribly comfortable with, it's a great video. Dark and grimy looking.

Picture 5

You can almost feel the heat in the room and you just want to dance.
And the fish swim around...

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and there's water everywhere and there's some sassy stuff

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and even babies get the blues...

Picture 7

Next I saw The Pussycat Dolls.

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Did I spell that right?
Is pussycat one word?
Full bodied girls. Singing (I guess), but mostly shaking their asses around.

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I think in my next phase of life I want to be a Pussycat Doll.
And I told Oldest about it.
Imagine, I said, You could say to your friends, yeah, sure, Dave's mom is hot, but my mom is a Pussycat Doll.
He looked up at me from the couch when I said that -
and said: just shut-up right now, mom.
which really isn't very polite, is it?
I guess the Pussycat Doll scenario just didn't work for him.
I liked the outfit with the turtleneck best.

Next I saw that Fergie girl.
She's all over the internet, that Fergie girl.
And, it turns out, she is not the Duchess of York.
She's kind of a pig, that Fergie girl -

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and her London Bridge is falling down,

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and she dresses like a lady but acts like a -

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well, you know.
I don't think she's a very nice kid, that Fergie girl - and I think she's probably Oldest's age and I really think he shouldn't hang around with girls like that.
Plus she totally looks like she could beat the crap out of him.

Diddy was next.
See how smart I am, that I know his name? Cause I know he has changed it a few times.
So, Diddy is sleeping and this sultry lady (and I use the term lady loosely) is answering his phone and snuggling him and I cannot help wondering, is he married?

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He canoodles with an awful lot of ladies in this video and I know, I know, it's not real or anything...

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but still.
Also, there is something freaky in his grill.

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I saw a video after that with some fellow lying down in odd places.
He was reclining at the top of an escalator, which made me totally nervous.
He was lying right on his back on the floor of the subway which just CANNOT be clean or safe, and he continued to take a little rest throughout the song.
I didn't catch who he was or what he was singing even, I was too caught up in wishing he would stand up.
And when I went to google 'guy lying down at the top of an escalator' I got some interesting results, but none of them were the video I saw.

It must have become Indy hour or something because the last video I saw was this everything in black or white video.

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With this lady who was not especially gorgeous or anything,

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whining and whining and whining.

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But she got to hold hands with the cute boy at the end, and, as it turns out, that's all that matters in videos anyway.


lazy cow said…
I think you've just summed up the last few years' style of video clips. And why I no longer watch MTV, Video Hits or any music show. And why the kids and I were singing along to the Dixie Chicks and Doris Day this evening.
I'm off to watch more Buffy on DVD. Now THAT is classy entertainment ;-)
islaygirl said…
you know, i think oldest is safe, as fergie is actually in her 30s. which makes her behavior even more reprehensible. imdb says she was born in 75, but i've read that she's actually older. whatevah.
--erica said…
VH1 makes me glad we don'thave cable! lol :) Love your take on it though!
Paula said…
Youngest gave me an Outkast cd for my birthday one year. I enjoy listening to it from time to time, especially when I'm groovin' along in the art room.

Tell Oldest he can't poke out his minds eye!
BabelBabe said…
I hate the James Blunt video where he takes off all his clothes. Plus, I HATE that song.

But otherwise, I cannot remember the last time I watched videos, and you have reminded me of WHY.
Veronica TM said…
You are so funny! I love the report and makes me happy that I don't have cable!
Joke said…
You mean there's something on VH1 beyond "I love the 70s" and "I REALLY love the 70s" and "No, I love the 70s!" and "Shut up! I loved the 70s WAY before you loved the 70s, so go [bad word] yourself, you poser!" ?

Anonymous said…
that last video is regina spektor. she sings songs about how sad she is, and then about how great life is. she's like an emo kid on happy pills, but not enough of them.
MsCellania said…
Laughing at what oldest said to you! Don't you know boys don't ever want to think of their mamas in a sexual light?! Oldest told me to button my shirt up this weekend - and I was wearing a camisole under it! And he's SIX.
And I agree; Isn't VH1 just I Love the 70's (or 80's)?
Caterina said…
Oh how I hate the pussycat dolls. I tell my husband that they have no talent whatsoever. They're just cleaned-up hookers who can somewhat carry a tune.

I loved this post. Really enjoyed it. And laughed LOUD. Thanks!
Anonymous said…
My husband needs a grill like Diddy. Seriously. He would look so hot. Also, I believe any of us has the chance of one day becoming a Pussycat just have to BELIEVE.
jenny said…
oldest made me laugh out loud.

fergie is a creepshow, isn't she?

i was surprised to see that mtv was still doing the video music award show...i mean, they don't even show the videos anymore.
Anonymous said…
a pussycat doll, indeed! don't you love grossing out your kids? i could never be a normal and "pc" mom--its too fun to shock them!
Anonymous said…
Hmmm, think I'll see what my two oldest think about my chances of becoming a Pussycat Doll.
Hearing me sing "Jenna's mom has got it goin' on" about myself has lost its effect.
Yes, I like to freak them out like that. I probably need help.
Kim Carter said…
Fergie is at least 31. (she looks a hellva lot older though). Even if oldest doesn't like The Pussycat Dolls music, I imagine he probably finds them pretty hot, and moms are not supposed to be hot ;o)
Anonymous said…
The weird randomness of life.

I have recently fallen for Regina Spektor, thanks to my friend Lisa (Barlyru) and our local NPR DJ, John Aielli. So I was on her site just now, ecstatic at having picked up tickets for a show next month, and happened to click on the link for videos. One starts playing - Fidelity. Hm, I think, those shoes look familiar. Didn't Blackbird post about this B&W video.

Yes, yes she did - so I say to you, her music seems to strike some primal chord in me (and Jesse too) (and Lisa and Kristina) - give it a chance, you may like it.

Nuff said - thanks for the visuals!
Anonymous said…
That video is Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. My wife was trying to find it too.