Middle's take thus far

I don't do a lot of talking with my kids about school.
They are old enough to not want to talk about it very often and I don't push.
I do ask who they've had lunch with, over dinner each evening, in the hopes that it will spur further commentary regarding their day.
Last night I got lucky.
Middle was in the mood to give me his thoughts on his teachers.
It should be interesting to compare what he told me with what I see next week at parent's night.

In English class they are reading Inherit The Wind. Aloud.
While he was quick to point out that reading a play aloud is mucho embarrassing, I cannot imagine anything more BORING. It turns out though, that his teacher has a mysterious speech impediment that keeps him awake and fascinated. He tried to duplicate it but we were eating and the laughing caused us to choke.

His Earth Science teacher is unremarkable save for the fact that each day she gives them a wee factoid. Just one oddly interesting bit of information to start their engines...he couldn't think of one right at that moment so I suggested that if all the people in the world did not swallow their saliva for an entire day, and spit it into a glass and poured it into the sea, the Pacific Ocean would rise one full inch. But, again, we were eating, and the tea started to go up into his nose.

so we moved on...

The actual Global History II teacher is out on medical leave. The substitute Global History II teacher reportedly looks exactly like Pat Sajak. And yesterday, he wore a bright, kelly green, jacket. Middle said that he stood in front of the class (Pat Sajak) and was tossing a dry erase eraser back and forth in his hands and and asked with a certain glee: Now when I say France what do you think of? And Middle, being the good little Tuvalan he is, thought: cheese? The Eiffel Tower? Berets? NO! King Louis! said Pat Sajak and Middle settled in for a thrill ride through the monarchy.

His Math teacher "sounds like H.I.'s wife from Raising Arizona." We haven't wasted our time with this child's cinematic education, have we?

His Art teacher is "a psycho, mom. When someone pisses her off, she gets really really pissed. And we are doing kindergarten art. Seriously! I'm using pastels and drawing a vase, and there is a kid in my class who seems okay but who has an aid with him and so you just know that something's going on or not right even though the kid seems fine and I walked past his desk today and he's, like, doing the freakin MONA LISA in pastels and IT'S AMAZING."

Gym is "you know, GYM. They make us run around."

"And Band is pretty much just BAND. Except last year in band we all just kind of played what we were supposed to play and no one thought too much about it. And this year I have this kid who sits next to me, and I'm first chair, and he's all, like, I practiced sax every day this summer! and I'm all like, OH REALLY ? CAUSE THIS IS REALLY ONLY JUST BAND."

So, there you have it.
Sophomore year.


Bec said…
I double-dare you to piss off the Art teacher at the parent-teacher night next week.

Because, whatever psycho action she wreaked upon you, you surely earned it by sharing the spit in the Pacific Ocean factoid!

Ours are still little enough to enjoy telling us about their day, but if necessary we resort to High-Low-Happy to get things going...
Badger said…
Everybody down here sounds like H.I.'s wife.

And Middle is first chair? Woo! I like how you just slipped that in there.
Carol said…
great...does this mean that I'll never get any info out of my kids? They're little now and don't tell me anything - soon they'll be big and then it's all over.

Oh - and just to slip it in - I was first chair clarinet for six years.

In case you were wondering.

But it's just BAND!
--erica said…

oh. and tonight is THURSDAY.
Anonymous said…
as a former band geek, I snorted aloud at the "it's just band"

and I think that some investigative reporting on that art teacher is in order.
Anonymous said…
this post gives me perspective and helps me deal with "not pretty" stuff I'm going through at Sean and Will's school right now.

in two weeks Will got beaten up by a boy, bitten by a girl and today he fell and has a big red bump on his forehead. and the school principal does not seem to care. at all.

it worries me a bit.
robiewankenobie said…
you have such a great relationship with your boys. it gives me hope. they are such sweetpeas right now, and i've been dreading the teen years. if i still get hillarious dinnertime conversations every now and then, and can sit on the couch once a week and steal their popcorn...well, that ain't bad.
Anonymous said…
Yeah. You gotta keep your ears open. It used to be that holding them captive in the car would be enough to get them talking, but now not even that works.

And when I do ask a question? One that I could not possibly know the answer to without being a mind-reader? I get an answer that implies that I must be some sort of moron for not knowing it already.

13. Yeesh.
Amy A. said…
When I ask my little ones about school, they say 'practically perfect' and 'excellent'. So cute. Such joy.

Gotta dig with the older ones. But I'll take your advice and not push.

I agree with Kathyr. 13 is very yeesh-y.
Anonymous said…
Too funny. I like the clear images I get of these people, just from his descriptions.
Joke said…
You HAVE to love the factoids.

Paula said…
Oh, how I miss those times.
MsCellania said…
*waving hand in air, straining out of chair* (since this is, you know, a school post and all)

Is that HI character the Frances McDermott character?! Too lazy to go look through our old video collection. I do believe Raising Arizona was the first video I ever purchased.

And, as usual, totally worth turning in to Life In Tuvalu.

And is Middle's Speech Impedimized teacher a la Wallace Shawn?
Anonymous said…
I have to agree with PJ. Meal time chats are always the most informative.