you don't want to be at the beach with me

Oh, I won't bother you with a loud radio, or sand throwing kids.
I'll sit quietly staring out to sea - or at you.
And I will judge you - not really...but I will critique your outfit (not that I care, and, in fact, I applaud the idea of wearing whatever you are comfortable wearing on the beach - truly), comment quietly on your child rearing techniques or take mental notes regarding your hair.
So - if you are sensitive, click away...if not, join me for my day at the ocean.

Some of the things I'll mention I wasn't able to photograph - you'll have to trust me.

The setting:

the beach

Gorgeous beach. Low tide...
There were signs for a children's olympics set for that day -
and lo and behold, just after Youngest found his spot for playing in the surf, the games began.
It was great fun to watch -
there were races and feats of strength and digging!
(There are strong laws, you see, on the digging of holes on the beach as about 8 years ago two small boys were killed when a hole they had dug was washed over by the sea and they were drowned.)
So yes! Holes must be knee deep only and so there was a contest to dig a hole, put your leg in it and bury yourself up to your knee.
Medals were given to all who participated and it was truly adorable.
view of Youngest
The crowd, of varying sizes, made it slightly difficult to keep an eye on my surf loving boy...
(he is the smaller figure in the wetsuit - to the left of the arrow)
and, you see, I must keep an eye on him as he is fearless and I need to be able to spring into action at any moment to save him from the obviously raging sea.


I have no clue where Youngest is in this photo.
I was very distracted.
And that nice lifeguard there in the red trunks? I could ask him to save Youngest from the big waves, couldn't I?

view left

The view to my left.
I was there first.

tattoo family

Tattooed family.
Tattooed family? I get your whole tattoo thing, your whole, oh we're so european that we can just let our children wander the beach speaking Dutch and getting lost and we will just sit and read and smile and nod thing -
but Tattoo family?
Why? Why must you put your toddler in the blow up boat and bring him out into the crashing surf and ignore his pleas to return shore?
It was a pitiful sight to witness and it made me hate you, Tattoo family.

Perhaps they had taken a cue from the chap who dragged his tiny one on a boogie board through the tidal pools - which was sweet, but then had the bright idea to fling the boogie board around by it's cord thereby flinging her not once but three times into the sand and puddles. She wasn't too happy either.

muscle man

Don't show off too much around me.
I'll talk about you - and it may not be the way you want me to.
This ain't Venice Beach, buddy.

large format camera man:jerk
Oh Large Format Camera Guy -
no good can come of this.
Sand in a Hasselblad?
Not good.
And I am not impressed with your equipment - you are no Patrick Demarchlier.
Also, you are wearing shorts and a tee shirt in the water and you look dumb.

We had an epic day -
the water was warm and clear and we sat and talked or played for several hours.

Today we head to town.

Oldest has survived the crawl -
there are hysterical pictures to prove it.
Your birthday wishes were well appreciated -
oh, and Middle? is home with his dad and brother.


Anonymous said…
great day at the beach. i loved it. who needs a vacation when you have blackbird. and no sand in the creases!
Sinda said…
OK, I've had to open an additional window so I can comment as I read along.

I also have that dichotomy of being critical of other people's (clothing) choices, yet supportive of their ability to where whatever they want to wear - or do, etc.

That woman in the bikini? Is scaring me. "Varying sizes" indeed!

Yes, I can see why you might be distracted.

Put it away! Mine eyes!

It is so hard to watch events like that (poor child who wants to get out of boat) and not intervene.

It looks lovely. I'm glad there is a real summer out there, somewhere near Tuvalu. Here, it's HOT HOT HOT and we're back in school.
Poppy B. said…
Ha! Shorts in the water? What a piker.

I would be standing there in clam diggers. Even if I wasn't digging clams. The water in NH is so cold that I go in up to my ankles. No further. So I keep my clothes on at the beach.
Anonymous said…
Maybe I should share my beach/boat could be fun!!!
THEN, you'd see a LOT of those lifeguard type's scaringly full around here.
Glad Oldest survived, maybe we coudl share the shots? I am SURE they are amusing...probably something you will want to threaten him upon his first important date!
So, you're back from your little vacation...
BabelBabe said…
oh, my eyes, my eyes!

And yes, I would be hard-pressed to keep out of toddler-tormenting family ways....grrrrr.....
--erica said…
you've killed me!!!!

isn't this just EVERY beach? yes! it is!! lol
Betsy said…
this is hilarious! i have never thought of keeping a photo log of my critiques... my favorite is the family who doesn't watch their kids...nice.
Badger said…
Oh! I will look at these pictures again tonight. While I drink a slushy rum drink. It's every bit as hot and humid here now as it was during our beach vacation last year, and I don't like to actually swim in the fish toilet anyway, so maybe I can fool myself.

I hope Oldest isn't hurting too badly today.
Anonymous said…
When I close my eyes, the image of the man's crotch is burned into my brain. And there it will reside, forever, haunting me.

Please make the lambs stop screaming.
celestial opus said…
I can't wait for the crawl pictures. Purty please post them!!!

I can't get past the first photo with the bikini woman. Love that she's wearing a bikini and is comfortable, love that she isn't trying to hide the celluite (because we all have it), but am very sad that she didn't bother to keep the top straps on. When your top doesn't leave anything to the imagination what's the point of having it on?

And I love how the female lifeguard in this picture is looking at you like she knows exactly what you're doing. Hee!
Anonymous said…
Is there a rule that all beach goers have to have horrible posture?

Although the show off guy had a nice butt.
Suse said…
Oh god why do men have to lie like THAT on the beach?!

(And I like that the pic of the one hottie on the beach is kind of blurry. Were you all of a tremble, dear?)
Anonymous said…
I wish i could wake up to posts like this every morning! Absolutely fabulous.

Would you really want an empty beach? What would you think about?
Jess said…
The wearing of shorts and t-shirt in the water? I didn't blink at that. I can't think of the last time I, or anyone I know, wore just a swimsuit at the beach. The water is too cold here in our raging Pacific.