I've been to the Pain Management Doctor.
I like him well enough, but I'm not sure he gets me.
You might remember that I resisted pain management, claiming I was managing my pain pretty well.
Then I learned that we were supposed to be managing pain I wasn't even feeling yet.
Look, I can't really explain.
Around the time I was taking three (neuro) pain management pills a day (we aren't talking about narcotics here) I found myself crying for no reason. I did that for a couple of weeks and decided it might be best to stop taking that mid-day pill just in the nick of time.
I told the doctor about it and mentioned my ultimate goal is to discontinue the medication completely and, although he wasn't too pleased, he agreed to a plan for phasing it out slowly. It sounds to me as though he feels I will be in a great deal of pain without this stuff and I don't know why I disagree, but I just do.
So, this week I only took one pill in the evening. I do seem to feel my hand more, it doesn't feel great, but it doesn't exactly hurt.
I'm doing my exercises and working hard to regain some strength in my arm and shoulder.
I feel better...and, strangely, I can see better.
Yes, it seems that, aside from making me feel like I was all alone in a dark hallway, my vision was impaired.
I still feel like it's November but I'm working on it.
And what of life beyond the medical?
I am workingworkingworking on a corporate event and huge trip my boss is taking on Wednesday.
A thousand moving pieces, countless calls/emails/IM's with my priceless travel agent, and dozens of bits to fret over. Cars, trains, passport issues all vex me but I think it has come together. One more hurdle to clear on Monday and it should be settled.
I'm going to take a long weekend or two off in March.
I'm going to London in April and there's some planning around that to be done. (Alice! Dinner!)
AND, I am amazed to tell you, though I adore the snow, even though my Bogs are the very best and most wonderfully safe footwear I have ever worn, even while I love piling on the sweaters and scarves, I am STARTING to want to wear fewer, clothes.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not itching for spring. I think I'm just getting bored with my five stand-by outfits. The tried and trues of keeping warm when it's 6° are getting a little stale.
I've done what I'm known for doing: I wore a couple of outfits better suited for 40°, hoping they would re-kindle my wardrobe creativity, but paid the price as I shivered on the subway platform.
There is at least a foot of snow outside my door.
It's fine for now.