Skip to main content

I love McSweeney's, a continuing saga

CORPORATE TIME EQUIVALENTS.

BY 



"Just a sec" = 5 minutes

“Just a minute” = 10 minutes

“Pick your brain” = 17 minutes or, in rare cases, 90 seconds

“Quick chat” = 48 minutes

“No more than five minutes” = 1 hour

“End of day” = 2 hours after the delivery guy brings dinner

“Quick meeting” = 3 hours

“Deep dive” = in the time it takes to eat half a bag of baby
carrots

“Exploratory” = only the intern knows for sure

“Brainstorming session” = the entire afternoon, but everyone involved gets to sneak out early

“Could use a hand” = 1 week

“Could really use a hand” = 1 week + the weekend

“Onboarding” = 3 weeks that felt 3 three years

“Stint” = 2-3 weeks

“Gig” = 3-4 weeks

“Boondoggle” = 1 month of hotel food and daydreaming at strange buildings

“Pitch in” = 1 month here and there

“Help out” = 1 month + 2 harrowing weeks

“Assist on” = 3 months + 1 month plotting an escape

“Build-out” = why those tech people make shitloads of money

“Ramping up” = must happen before the end of the fiscal quarter

“Gearing up” = really should happen before the end of the quarter, but don’t hold your breath

“Strategize” = don’t ask, don’t tell

“Cool little project” = 6 endless months

“Wonderful opportunity” = 8 months

“Interesting opportunity” = 2 years

“Immediate need” = still hasn’t been resolved

“Got my start at” = too long or too short to fully explain

“Job” = holy shit, has it really been X years?

“Current job” = 1 more year and then I’m out

“Career” = 15 years trying + 5 years coasting + 15 years wondering if all that trying was worth it + 5 years just sitting there, collecting a paycheck, fondly reminiscing about the coasting

“Let’s revisit this later” = never shall we speak of this again

“Loop back” = 50/50 chance we shall speak of this again

“ASAP” = unquantifiable

Comments

Paola said…
I shall adopt "let's revisit this later" as of now.
kmkat said…
Back in my auditing days, we used to estimate how long it would take to accomplish something. Partner would say 5 minutes. Manager would say 1 hour. Senior would say 2 hours. Actual time to complete: 8 hours.
Hilary said…
"let's take off-line" - indefinitely….

Popular Posts