My friend D and I made a list of things we'll never have, via text message:

1. a tattooed toe ring

2. a Buick Riviera

3. a wig

4. a ficus tree

5. a navel ring

6. love handles

7. tap shoes

8. anything amputated

9. hair extensions

10. an Eames chair

11. a house in the Hamptons

12. syphilis

13. season tickets for any sports team

14. a boob job

15. a perm

16. a decorative wreath

17. a dancing Santa

18. simple chronic halitosis

19. a boat

20. my portrait carved on my gravestone

21. one of those big wicker chairs

22. the nerve to streak

23. pasties

24. a gold front tooth

25. a BMW

26. a country album

27. diamond stud earrings

28. fake fingernails

29. colored contact lenses

30. an infinity pool

31. a jacuzzi

32. a personal masseuse

33. weekly floral delivery

34. membership to a wine of the month club

35. or a fruit of the month club

36. a top ten record

37. a litter of kittens

38. a gun


Anonymous said…
sounds like what you would get with Bad Santa + Annie + Dolly Parton + Desperate Housewives?

am I close?

alice c said…
My mother in law had à wig in case someone knocked on the door before she had done her hair. I think you should consider it.
Poppy B. said…
I'm with you for most of it, but I already have an Eames chair. And love handles.
Terese said…
I will never say never however if it comes down to it - it is likely that I will be a full time politician
Adventure Otaku said…
First, I am pretty sure there is an old boat in your front yard. second, a lot of the time you don't have an amputation choice. Im just sayin. sometimes things just have to be amputated. The way you write it, it's like 'hey, it's tuesday, I think Ill have my foot amputated.'

Duyvken said…
Oh Alice C, that is fab. And the love handles might arrive uninvited. Sadly, not wanting them does not ensure that they stay away. Of course, you two are probably sensible enough to do the work required to avoid them. Love this list :-)
Scot said…
Seriously? I mean even I want a diamond stud earring! ...and no, I don't have any piercings, but someday I'm gonna do it.
Paola said…
Only Alice's mum could come up with a brilliant idea. Genius.
I was born with love handles, SIGH.
izzyt said…
Don't underestimate the joy of wine showing up right at your house without you having to lift a finger.
Suse said…
I love my tap shoes.

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