List

My friend D and I made a list of things we'll never have, via text message:

1. a tattooed toe ring

2. a Buick Riviera

3. a wig

4. a ficus tree

5. a navel ring

6. love handles

7. tap shoes

8. anything amputated

9. hair extensions

10. an Eames chair

11. a house in the Hamptons

12. syphilis

13. season tickets for any sports team

14. a boob job

15. a perm

16. a decorative wreath

17. a dancing Santa

18. simple chronic halitosis

19. a boat

20. my portrait carved on my gravestone

21. one of those big wicker chairs

22. the nerve to streak

23. pasties

24. a gold front tooth

25. a BMW

26. a country album

27. diamond stud earrings

28. fake fingernails

29. colored contact lenses

30. an infinity pool

31. a jacuzzi

32. a personal masseuse

33. weekly floral delivery

34. membership to a wine of the month club

35. or a fruit of the month club

36. a top ten record

37. a litter of kittens

38. a gun