an open letter to the women of my city

Ladies,

I have some friends visiting from near and far next weekend and I wonder if we might make a concerted effort to look our best whilst they are in our busy little town.
I realize summer was a long time coming and we are all thrilled to pare down our wardrobes and bust out those breezy little dresses. I understand that the heat (as it has year after year) can sometimes sap your creative energy, rendering you incapable of formulating complicated outfits.
But outfits are not my issue, city people, outfits are not my bone of contention.
I need to speak to you today about your underwear.
Each year, as soon as the mercury reaches 85° you seem to lose your senses when it comes to underwear and I must remind you again and again that panties might be a good idea.
Just because I'd spend the entire day pulling a thong out of my...well, you know where, doesn't mean I don't understand the usefulness of such a garment. But I am tired, kind gentlewomen, of watching your adorable jersey mini dress becoming trapped in your crack when you stand. It is not a flattering look, either, to have so much of ones buttocks prominently highlighted under your maxi dress while you walk briskly down 7th Avenue.
Please note: I am not, in any way, suggesting that my friends are provincial. Far from it. Our visitors are stylish and contemporary. But I cannot imagine they will make a game of it (as we do), by deciding, as you stroll past them in your platforms and dress which barely skims your bottom, if you are wearing any underpants at all.
Underpants, ladies. Underpants are not a bad thing.
If, however, they are against your fashion religion, how about a slip?
Wait. Let me guess: you don't know what slips are, do you.

Let us all put our best foot forward! Or, at the very least, cover our asses.

best,

bb

Comments

As a fellow dweller of said city, I thank you for this public service announcement. But I might add that they are, I think, aware of slips. They just call them "dresses" and they wear them to the office with no apparent sense of irony. Nothing makes me feel like an old fogey like summertime.
blackbird said…
Harriet is right about the slips!
In the office, with no shoulder/armpit/side boob coverage or with visible bra straps!
kmkat said…
Thank goodness that, when I work, it is in an accounting firm in the Midwest. We accountants are by nature a tad conservative so all boobs, etc., are fully covered and underwear is always present, as far as I can tell, and that is all that really matters.
Wonderful!

Anthropologie sells slips, but they make it ambiguous about whether you are supposed to wear them under something or not. I haven't worn a slip since my first communion, when I was seven.
My daughter the student teacher bought a slip because she wanted to wear dresses to teach. She thought it would be more professional. She also invested in a bunch of cute jackets and cardigans to wear with sleeveless dresses.
Yay for my sensible girl. I hope it rubs off on the middle school girls.

Bum exposures could be a drinking game.
Paola said…
Oh honey ... have you forgotten what you have to see around here?
It's a race to see who bares the most! I have women constantly wearing thongs in my GYM CLASS as well.
And the sights ot the tiny streets here are hilarious to say the least.
You said it well and nicely for all of us. Thank you.
Crazy Mom Tats! said…
Ah, slips. I find much virtue in a nice slip. In fact, it can preserve one's virtue.

And a half slip works nicely too.

But NO THONGS.
Eliane said…
Even trapped in the crack can be beautiful:
http://www.fashionising.com/industry/b--fashgasm-24-6-12-25738.html
Hilary said…
Harriet is so right... but, to make it worse,then they complain the entire day about being cold....
Anonymous said…
Hope you have lots of fun with your visitors and hope nothing bums them out (get it, haha) while they are there.

jbhat
Suse said…
Heh.

That is all.