Blood Bath and Beyond

That's what we call it at my house - and that's who sent us a circular last night when we were way too tired and giddy to peruse it. (Do people still say giddy? Or even type it?)
Anyhow - I know you'd like to see my favorite items, wouldn't you?

Fine.

You have the added benefit of seeing my ten-o'clock-at-night-wine-labored-scrawl. (I know, I seem to be somewhat incoherent now as well!)

duvet

Can I just say? That duvet is heinous.

There's two things I have to say about this next one:

space bag

1. Obviously, the previous incarnation of SPACE BAGS, with only ONE zipper? Proved to be a problem. I am overjoyed that they've corrected the situation.

2. How happy are we that the TURBO VALVE sucks out air 35% faster? We're happy. Middle and me are thrilled! Because, if there's one thing WE don't want to spend more time doing, it's vacuuming out our SPACE BAGS. 35% is exactly how much FASTER we need them to BE.


cutting board

Who could have imagined a cutting board made of flax seeds? There's so much I could say but I will restrain myself and simply point out that it is also available in green.

shower device

Sure, the rack is great! GREAT! But, the real tip here is the bottle storage. Upside down! For 35% faster shampoo delivery! Stop wasting time squeezing bottles which have been stored upright. YOU FOOL. (Clearly, I do not know how to spell that word.)

rocks

Don't those rocks look SO REAL? You would never even KNOW they ARE rocks, would you?
I mean, aside from the giant solar panels and the hugeass lights? Nah. Perfectly natural looking. (As an aside: is there anything wrong with having a light fixture in your garden that actually LOOKS like a light fixture? I didn't think so.)

Oh, and, off to the side of that page was the Yankee Candle scent of the month. You know how I feel about Yankee Candles, right? Sadly, this month's scent, Pineapple Cilantro, leaves me feeling just a little WTF.

bugs, I said bugs

Yep. Bugs, NO. More. Bugs. Anywhere. Got it? (Also, who's spilling stuff all the time? This catalogue had a dozen things for dealing with spills...what's up with that?)

hair

I may have to call bullshit on this product. I think anyone who has fashioned a "hooking device" from one of those dry-cleaner hangers and gone at a sink clog will tell you that you have to remove the stopper and that that tiny wire is not going to do the job. Glad it has a storage hook though.

wallet

I'd have to see this IRL. It *could* be okay. Not sure, but I do love the whole organizer thing. Let's ignore the fact that we can wear it on our belt, shall we?

seat cover

Don't most of us have a tacit agreement that we aren't going to discuss or even consider the filthiness of airline seats? Aren't we all, in fact, flying on the Great Airships Of Denial?
Yes. Yes we are.
Enough said.


table stuff

Go ahead.
Cover it all.
Cover everything with shiny, pink, satiny, loveliness and...I'm going to stop now.
I feel a little lightheaded.

Comments

Elizabeth said…
that's brilliant. it's a total waste of time but its brilliant.
how could they print so much mistakes and stupid things in one magazine???
my mum always calls them " things no one ever needed which cant do what you need them to do"

who needs a frankie the fish or the clean seat cover??(thats a bit like monk^^)
Crazy Mom Tats! said…
I got the same circular. The sink clog thing is soooo nasty....

Pass.
Island Mom said…
Way, Way Beyond!! However "Ingenious" is perfectly acceptable to your devoted Canadian readers. As is harbour and neighbourhood!
Dusti said…
I've heard the little drain un-plugger things actually work. They have stuff kind of like the hook stuff of velcro on them. No idea how you'd clean it though...
bunny said…
Those drain cleaner thingys TOTALLY work, but I get the really cheapo plastic version at Walmart. It's called Zip It. Go here, watch the video: http://www.zipitclean.com/

I have long, thick, naturally curly hair and it really works. Gross, but works. Easy, no chemicals.
Candles. Slatkin. Bath and Body Works. Seriously. The Best.
kmkat said…
I am gobsmacked that you did not see fit to comment on poor Frankie the Fish (aka Billie Bass, who sings "Take Me to the River").
alice c said…
I am also gutted about Frankie the Fish. How could you crop his photo? I think that you are taking your blog anonymity obsession to new depths.
Paola said…
Just ... WOW
There is simply not enough pink satin in home decoration.
Karen Dietrich said…
I always love your ad analysis posts! By the way, I saw those previously mentioned brown Nine West wedge sandals while shopping at Marshall's yesterday, but I didn't know your shoe size! :)
Anonymous said…
Now I feel like an asshat because I have rocks that aren't really rocks but look like lights in my garden.
Amy A. said…
I can also attest that the drain snake (walmart version) totally works! And with four girls with lots of hair in our house it is an absolute necessity.
Grandma Cebe said…
The rack to store shampoo bottles upside down is great unless your absolutely favorite shampoo and conditioner doesn't come in bottles that fit in the holes or have enough space between the two shelves that your shampoo bottles won't stand upright. So this rack thing won't help me AT ALL!
jenny said…
The drain de-clogger is giving me the dry heaves. Then again, so is the pink satin dining room...
Priscilla said…
I know I know but I love this crappe. I have space bags and la la love them. Also, I have been looking for that turbo snake thing everywhere.

I'll let you know how it works.
Anonymous said…
I am a huge fan of the space bags, they really do work and the second zipper IS an improvement - even more spacey!
Anonymous said…
Some fun new commenters on this one. Blood Bath and Beyond Belief didn't send me a mailer, so this was very helpful. I now know that I am not missing anything.

jbhat

PS) we say punchy instead of giddy for that feeling of being so tired that you're sort of crazy. Giddy is for when I am brimming with glee/ anticipation/ excitement.
barbra said…
I was going to comment about the space bags and the upside-down bottles and the snake-thing-that's-always-on-TV-right-now, but then I was paralyzed by PINK. SHINY. DINING. SET. Um?
My retinas are still burning from that pink satin dining room. GAH!
Julie said…
Tell me that you ran out and used your 20% coupon at the back of the circular to buy Frankie the Fish!!
Anonymous said…
That store gives me the heebie-jeebies! So full of useless junk, such high shelving.
The turbo drain thingie DOES work. Got mine at the hardware store for 6 bucks. The commenter who said that cleaning it would be the issue is right...but it's better than Drano.