the Survivors

I know you are expecting me to run through the bios of the Survivors and give you my profound thoughts on their professions and favorite cereals, but guess what? I have no time to dissect their personalities and peccadilloes. You cannot be shocked to hear this. Hell, I'm working full time, I have a BeautyHacks post due and I'm leaving for Italy in a week!
I did go to the CBS website and will now spit back my favorite sentence from each bio...are you ready?

Ashley once moved to San Diego for a relationship that did not work out.
That's something, isn't it?

Ben Browning is a transplanted country boy helping to run some of the most successful bars and restaurants in Los Angeles.
How many successful bars and restaurants can there be in Los Angeles? I think there must be hundreds. What a job!

Betsy feels her skills as a cop will help her stand up to the possible jerks and alpha-males she could run into during SURVIVOR.
Nice attitude.

Brett’s flirtatious behavior with women could be his biggest asset in the game or it could be his biggest hindrance.
Looking forward to it.

"Danger" Dave Ball grew up in a family full of preachers but don't be fooled because he is not your typical "son of a preacher man."

“I’m not sure I’m going to tell people where I went to school or that I'm an attorney.” (Elizabeth)
Isn't it interesting what people feel they need to be secretive about? Secretive is a nice word. I mean LIE.

Proud womanizer, Erik claims that he can date four to five women at the same time without any issues.
My prediction? He'll have issues.

Named “Mr. California” by Cosmopolitan magazine, Jaison is also an avid sports lover and enjoys basketball, football and hiking – he has even scaled the top of Venezuela’s Angel Falls, the highest waterfall in the world.
Wait...what? Did you say something about sports?

Being a rocket scientist probably will not hurt his chances either. (John)
For real? Because I plan on sitting on my couch shouting: IT AIN'T ROCKET SCIENCE a lot if that's the case.

As homage to her outlook on life, she has chosen to place fairly permanent markings on her body that represent some facets of her personality and life. (Kelly)
Do you think they said "fairly permanent" because her mom doesn't know her tattoos are real?

Similar religious and political beliefs, as well as the fact that her daughter had a child at 18, has Laura referring to herself as a, “fit version of Sarah Palin.”
I, honestly, didn't realize that Sarah Palin was out of shape.

I won’t have to fight tooth and nail for everything, if I just had a little bit of money. (Marissa)
I don't have anything snarky to say about Marissa. She's pretty too.

At 33 years old, this Idaho import is a resident anesthesiologist at UCLA who takes great pride in his intense occupation. (Mick)
...and his abs.

At 62 years old, he has been preparing for his experience on SURVIVOR by working out with a personal trainer on a daily basis and has lost over 30 pounds in preparation for his chance at the million dollar prize. (Mike)
Note: braided and beaded beard.

Exotic looks, in addition to intellect, have landed her a wide range of jobs, such as a clerk position at a well-known investment firm, as well as a position playing a theme park Pocahontas. (Monica)
She's versatile.

Natalie will not waste any time changing her game plan if needed. “I’m observant and flexible, not to mention smart enough to know how to adapt to my surroundings."
Like a chameleon, right? Or a gekko? Some kind of lizard.

Russell Hantz’s personality speaks for itself when he proudly displays a missing tooth that he refuses to fix!
I swear. It's the first line of his bio. I can't write that well.

At 5’11” and 220 “semi-solid” pounds, this attorney spends his working hours suing companies and individuals who violate environmental laws. (The other Russell)
That's pretty much the way K would describe me, too. Semi-solid.

Shannon Waters is proud to be the first female Marine Sergeant to play the game of SURVIVOR.
It's sort of obscured by the bandanna, but I think Shannon's rockin the mullet to end all mullets.

Yasmin Giles is nicknamed “Sassy Yassy” and is ready to show everybody how she got this moniker.

Welcome to the team of hair stylists, lawyers, chefs and pharmaceutical salespeople. It looks to me like the perfect distillation of all the past teams and there are MORE of them than ever before (I think). I can only assume that someone gets sent home DURING the opening credits.

And now I'm excited.


Anonymous said…
"Some kind of lizard." hahahahahahahah

Anonymous said…
I have never cared one bit about Survivor and even I am a little bit curious now.
The Coffee Lady said…
I will never see any of these people but they sound GREAT

Anonymous said…
Oh how I love to hate Survivor! Cannot WAIT until next Thursday.

RW said…
oh and we are getting cable again on Monday.
Anonymous said…
It's that time of the year, again.
One week to go ... !
Anonymous said…
and I will get to watch it with you for the first time in forever.

Anonymous said…
I don't watch this show, but always enjoy your commentary. Today was no exception.
jenny said…
The previews show one guy who lies about being right in the thick of things during Hurricane Katrina. Already I'm loving this season...
ThirdCat said…
it started here last night, so I can follow along with you...awesome