Saturday morning television
Between packing and running down to the beach the other day, I sat down and ignored the view for a few minutes (NOT EASY).
Here's what I watched.
The opening credits to:
Love Fever - or FEVER OF LOVE - or One Life to Live...or SOME AMERICAN SOAP OPERA. Skillfully dubbed. Sadly for me, it was not All My Children. So I clicked the channel.
What's this?
A man. A woman. A man and a woman IN LOVE.
A baby.
A man and a woman IN LOVE with a baby.
A what? A STROLLER.
A man and a woman IN LOVE WITH A BABY AND A STROLLER.
If you love your baby you'll love this stroller.
(You know I don't speak Italian, right? Aren't you impressed?)
Click.
The Rowenta Pro Perfect steam iron is amazing.
I think, if I am understanding this, all you need to do is: press the steam button...
and a cloud of steam resembling a god or goddess floats down over your room and every garment you have ever owned magically prostrates itself, perfectly pressed, on your bed.
One button, I'm telling you.
Click.
It took me a little while to figure out what these chefs were doing. Chopping? Dicing? I had to check the view for a minute but when I turned back I saw:
they were dropping whole roasted chickens on to aluminum foil which was stretched across the room and DID NOT BREAK. Miraculous Italian Aluminum Foil!
Click.
AHA! I didn't tell you that I was stone-deaf (left side only) in Positano! It's true. On day two I woke up deaf. It was handy for sleeping well, but inconvenient in conversation and slightly dizzy making on walks. Because it was not painful it was only a nuisance and provided me with the perfect excuse for visiting the pharmacy. (I absolutely love pharmacies.) This is the spray they sold me, with ear drops, which I used faithfully for two more days to no avail. I knew what I needed was my baby ear syringe back home - alas, Italian mommies aren't instructed in sucking snot and ear goo from their infant's heads (can you imagine?) and no such thing was available. Here is an Italian illustration of the inside of my clogged ear! On television!
Even Senza Gas, my poor ear was cloggedcloggedclogged until TEN MINUTES AFTER I WAS IN MY HOUSE, when I used my diabolical, 24 year old, bulb ear thingy. And then? I was cured.
Click.
OH! A pirate! Talking to...
Winnie The Pooh? Wait...
a cat in a vest with glasses? Wait...
George from Seinfeld?
We may never know.
Click.
There are manymanymany mattresses on sale at this hour in Positano. This one seemed to be a good deal.
Click.
Please note: Channel 4 has very pretty station identification animations.
Click.
OH MY. WHAT IS THIS?!!!!
IT'S THE A TEAM! MR. T IS PERFECTLY DUBBED. Even the voice is close! Be still my heart, it was difficult to take my eyes off it - but I did...
and a good thing too!
DAFFY DUCK! SPEAKING ITALIAN! Interestingly, he had the very same speech impediment that he has here. A "bill impediment" Middle has told me, which I cannot explain but I know YOU KNOW. Wonderful.
But, at the same time:
Stracchino con yogurt? IS ON SALE.
Here's what I watched.
The opening credits to:
Love Fever - or FEVER OF LOVE - or One Life to Live...or SOME AMERICAN SOAP OPERA. Skillfully dubbed. Sadly for me, it was not All My Children. So I clicked the channel.
What's this?
A man. A woman. A man and a woman IN LOVE.
A baby.
A man and a woman IN LOVE with a baby.
A what? A STROLLER.
A man and a woman IN LOVE WITH A BABY AND A STROLLER.
If you love your baby you'll love this stroller.
(You know I don't speak Italian, right? Aren't you impressed?)
Click.
The Rowenta Pro Perfect steam iron is amazing.
I think, if I am understanding this, all you need to do is: press the steam button...
and a cloud of steam resembling a god or goddess floats down over your room and every garment you have ever owned magically prostrates itself, perfectly pressed, on your bed.
One button, I'm telling you.
Click.
It took me a little while to figure out what these chefs were doing. Chopping? Dicing? I had to check the view for a minute but when I turned back I saw:
they were dropping whole roasted chickens on to aluminum foil which was stretched across the room and DID NOT BREAK. Miraculous Italian Aluminum Foil!
Click.
AHA! I didn't tell you that I was stone-deaf (left side only) in Positano! It's true. On day two I woke up deaf. It was handy for sleeping well, but inconvenient in conversation and slightly dizzy making on walks. Because it was not painful it was only a nuisance and provided me with the perfect excuse for visiting the pharmacy. (I absolutely love pharmacies.) This is the spray they sold me, with ear drops, which I used faithfully for two more days to no avail. I knew what I needed was my baby ear syringe back home - alas, Italian mommies aren't instructed in sucking snot and ear goo from their infant's heads (can you imagine?) and no such thing was available. Here is an Italian illustration of the inside of my clogged ear! On television!
Even Senza Gas, my poor ear was cloggedcloggedclogged until TEN MINUTES AFTER I WAS IN MY HOUSE, when I used my diabolical, 24 year old, bulb ear thingy. And then? I was cured.
Click.
OH! A pirate! Talking to...
Winnie The Pooh? Wait...
a cat in a vest with glasses? Wait...
George from Seinfeld?
We may never know.
Click.
There are manymanymany mattresses on sale at this hour in Positano. This one seemed to be a good deal.
Click.
Please note: Channel 4 has very pretty station identification animations.
Click.
OH MY. WHAT IS THIS?!!!!
IT'S THE A TEAM! MR. T IS PERFECTLY DUBBED. Even the voice is close! Be still my heart, it was difficult to take my eyes off it - but I did...
and a good thing too!
DAFFY DUCK! SPEAKING ITALIAN! Interestingly, he had the very same speech impediment that he has here. A "bill impediment" Middle has told me, which I cannot explain but I know YOU KNOW. Wonderful.
But, at the same time:
Stracchino con yogurt? IS ON SALE.
Comments
Oh, and next time bring the snot sucker with you. But you knew that.
Watching Italian commercials on your blog is FUN.
Paola
I need me one of those Rowenta Pros, *especially* if a god or goddess shaped cloud of steam emerges and every garment I've ever owned magically appears, perfectly pressed, on my bed.
If only they could get the god or goddess shaped cloud of steam to put everything away in its rightful place, too, then they'd REALLY have something... :)
And the pirate talking to Whatever-the-Pooh made me laugh out loud. No easy feat.
Only the COOLEST THING EVER.
I pity the fool who tries to tell you any differently.