Survivor

Debbie went home and JT confesses that they saved Coach. He's shocked...and that means that he has some metaphors to spew and must play with his hair a lot.
He "doesn't know what's going to happen next." Who does, Coach, WHO DOES?

Have I mentioned that it has rained for 40 days and 40 nights here in Tuvalu?
It's cold too.
You just wait, though, at any moment it will be 90 degrees and incredibly humid - because THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE HERE, PEOPLE.
(I'm channeling Badger.)

The next morning Coach polls the tribe to see who's going next. Erinn? Taj? Turns out his lungs don't feel good. He's breathed a lot of smoke over the campfire and his asthma is bothering him.
HIS WHAT?
It's KICKING HIS ASS?
He hasn't said a WORD about it until now. And NOW he mentions it because he doesn't want to be sent to Exile.
This makes Stephen and JT sort of determined to do just that - to send him to Exile or send him home.

OOOOOOOhhhh! The challenge spells out Survivor in a maze. Race through the maze, build a pole, swing a sandbag, raise a flag... with your feet shackled together - for an overnight reward of a bed, a shower a feast.
Erinn, Coach and JT are ahead - with JT leading the other two.
Next they build a pole.
JT is in the lead.
He continues to lead.
JT wins easily and sends Coach. I think he says something about being noble.
Coach says he will take the monastic approach and Erinn points out that he will take the martyr approach - he's not going to make fire, eat or sleep, thereby "minimizing everyone else's experience." Harsh words - but off he goes.
JT takes Stephen with him to reward and says that Erinn has just shot herself in the foot. (But he says it with a country accent, Lord Bless His Soul.)

Taj and Erinn go back to camp. Erinn feels badly about what she said but Taj backs her up. Someone had to say SOMETHING. But Erinn is nervous that she's blown her shot by opening her mouth.

On Exile, Coach wanders around. He does his best death march while birds circle over head. He makes a little speech for us and tells us he will not eat and will commune with the Creator Of The Universe. He gets totally mystical on us and begins speaking in the third person. (And not like Bossy. Blackbird loves her some BOSSY.)

JT and Stephen are in a private plane to the retreat...JT says some stuff...they land and are whisked off to the lodge.
The boys love seeing themselves in a mirror for the first time in a month, they have showers, and go to a feast of meats!
They toast to being the final two.
They discuss taking Coach to the final three and voting Erinn out.

Sunday is the finale! And Youngest's birthday! Stay tuned!

It's day 36.
Coach is soaking.
Birds are hovering.
No sleep, no food - an incredible experience he tells us.
But he's not tired or hungry. He's focused. And he must win immunity.

Challenge time...and it would appear to be an endurance challenge.
Taj thinks he's a drama queen.
The players must brace themselves between two poles with their arms and small foot-holds.
Stephen appears to struggle early on.
They move down a notch to smaller foot-holds.
Jeff and Coach have a convo. Coach feels strong. It's mind over matter, Jeff says.
They move again and Erinn falls.
Taj looks tired.
JT has a hard time - and Stephen falls.
Taj falls.
JT and Coach - the listener and the talker (says Jeff) are left.
They talk about trust. But JT is looking for a way out.
It's a battle "against the best."
50 minutes pass.
Taj tries to talk Coach down.
He struggles.
He grimaces.
He screams.
He steps down.
JT wins.
Coach collapses. He staggers to the side, but he doesn't want medics to come and check him.
They walk off to camp, helping Coach.

Erinn is aggravated. Taj thinks Coach is full of it.
They think he had the classic excuse for failing.
Coach has some philosophical bull to explain it all.
JT reassures him and says that Erinn must go.
Stephen and JT tell Coach he's safe, but Stephen isn't sure who he's voting for.

At Tribal, Debbie looks ten years younger.
Jeff discusses what Erinn said about Coach regarding Exile.
Coach says he wasn't trying to minimize Erinn's experience and has a Mark Twain quote for us.
He always has a damn quote.
NOW he has a poem he has written for the tribe.
He recites it - Jeff glosses over it...the Jury have a little breakdown.
Everyone looks at Coach while Jeff reads the votes.
Does JT have a tear in his eye?
He just may have!
COACH GOES.

Will he have a poem during the closing credits?
Nope - and his little speech about wizards gets cut.
K says: you know what? This isn't Dungeons and Dragons.

Comments

Anonymous said…
How much do you want to bet coach writes a book about his life? How much do you want to bet when then find out most of his stories are bull.

he never mentioned asthma, he never mentioned his ruptured discs.

I am thrilled he is gone. My money is on JT.
You BADGER very well.

I spent last night reorganizing the prop aisle at work, then I watched the Orlando Magic beat the Celtics. Then I watched the finale of Grey's Anatomy. Then I collapsed into a coma.
Anonymous said…
I was saying last night that they need to give Coach his own show or something, because as annoying and crazy as he is, he is definitely entertaining. And then I read the SAME EXACT thing on Jeff P's EW.com blog. Have I missed my calling?

Still loving JT, but doubting that he'll win. Taj just might sneak in under the radar. Can't wait for Sunday.

Have a great weekend, bb, and happy early bday to Youngest. Good times!

jbhat
MsCellania said…
Notice how there is always someone we love to hate on Survivor? I swear The Man insists to the other players "We want ratings. Keep the Dickhead until the last coupla shows."
(er - am I stating the patently obvious? sorry)
Badger said…
THANK GOD COACH IS GONE, I swear I've wanted to punch him in the throat since DAY ONE.

When they voted him out, I suddenly realized that I would be okay with any of the remaining four winning, and that has NEVER happened in the whole time I've been watching Survivor.

But I am still rooting for Stephen.
Anonymous said…
Whatever else, Coach did make some entertaining tv. And I'm totally GREAT with him being gone now. I feel a bit sorry for him as a person though, and wonder about the psychology of him. What can it be? Failure to attach?

Anyway, really looking forward to Sunday, and now, even Monday!

ErinH
Mrs. G. said…
I think the Dragon Slayer going home was my favorite Survivor moment ever! What a freakin' hypocrite. Wouldn't you just love to date him?