Survivor

They’ve changed Heath bars. Did you know that? They used to be two pieces and now they are one long bar. They still stick in your teeth, though – so there’s that.

Joe went home. There was no tribal council. There are only nine people left in the game.
It’s night 21 and the team is huddled around a fire. Coach is bummed and wants to share a piece of his life with the team. There are only three people (and us) who know the story of how Coach was dropped into the Amazon. Why? I don’t know. He was captured by indigenous people and beaten. He escaped bloody and brutalized. The team is silent upon hearing this story. Brendan and Debbie don’t know how to react.
As we say here in Tuvalu: THE HECK?

The next morning Coach is doing his wax on wax off shtick while the team looks on. JT feels vulnerable but he has an alliance. I think I’m getting used to his accent.
It doesn’t matter, Coach feels that he is born to run this show. Sierra, he says, is the bowel movements of Brendan’s dragon. Imaginative, isn’t it?

Erinn and JT go fishing. She likes all the guys, she tells Brendan. She’s been staying below the radar for a while and is starting to maneuver now, IMO. JT is pleased that she’s reached out to him.

The first challenge of the evening divides the team into three groups who have to break tiles with metal balls. The reward is an afternoon of white water river rafting and a picnic. One person goes to Exile alone.

The groups must break the tile of the other teams. This leaves me sort of confused. Coach claims to have done this challenge before. Time lapse photography leads me to believe that this challenge takes a while. I SO don’t understand the strategy behind this game – but I will continue to report TO YOU. Sierra can win it for the white team but fails. Erinn could winn it – but doesn’t. Neither does JT. Debbie and Stephen fail to win it. Brendan almost wins but only chips a tile. It’s VERY close. Players keep missing. Brendan wins for his team. JT, Debbie and Brendan win and choose Stephen to go to Exile. Coach tells him to BE THE WIZARD.

There’s nothing new at Exile and Stephen doesn’t know how to make fire. He says he might die. He can’t make fire. He finally does it and “it’s like giving birth.” He’s very proud.

On the river rapids in a raft – which doesn’t look like a whole lot of fun to me, JT has a blast and feels like a little kid. They all seem to have a great time. Then they have lunch on a sandbar. Brendan and JT bond and talk about the team and do some planning. Brendan tells us that he’ll be happy if JT wins.

On day 24 Brendan tells us that he has spent the night planning how JT can get in the final four. He talks to Sierra and tells her how much he loves JT and explains how they should take out Tyson, Coach and Erinn.

Then, Brendan talks to Taj. They plot.
Brazil looks like a muddy terrible place at this point.
But I can’t think about it because it’s time for another challenge.
Stephen comes back – it’s been a couple of days.
Attached to a rope, the players must weave their way through a series of obstacles.

They all seem to move very quickly through the first set of obstacles. Stephen and Taj lag behind. Tyson, JT, Sierra and Brendan get through first.
Erinn moves first but others are right behind her. Tyson, JT and Brendan are ahead. JT, Tyson and Brendan move to the final round. The obstacles are taller in the final round. Tyson wins. It looks so hard! Coach has many words of wisdom regarding slaying the dragon (Brendan).
Brendan wants to vote for Coach.

Back at camp Stephen talks about his triumph over fire and then, suddenly they are all talking about who they are voting for. Tyson wants Brendan out right away and for Sierra to go next.
But Brendan tells JT and Sierra to vote for Coach. He tells them that he has Taj with them.
I have to admit – I’d like to see Coach go. I don’t have a problem with Brendan. JT tells Stephen about the plot to get rid of Coach but I don't understand much.

Coach is looking forward to Brendan leaving.

At Tribal Jeff asks who keeps the tribe laughing, who tells the best stories, Taj talks about Coach and his Amazon story. Coach says he’s toned the story down for his audience. Coach feels very confident.
(We have a little phone charger convo at this point.)
OH, I WISH THEY’D VOTE ALREADY.
They talk about the idol – they all lie and say they don’t have it except for Brendan who admits it.
COACH IS THE DRAGON SLAYER. WHO IS THE WIZARD?
OH, I wish Coach would get voted out.
STEPHEN IS THE WIZARD SHOOTING LIGHTING.
THE HECK?

Tight vote – but Brendan becomes the first member of the jury.
ACK. We are NOT HAPPY.

Comments

Mary Beth said…
Very, very unhappy about last night's vote. I wanted Brendan to look into the camera and say "FREAK!" after writing Coach's name down. I really don't care about the outcome now - I still like Taj but Brendan was the one I was rooting for the most. Do you guys think Tyson's beginning to look like a bird of prey when he turns his profile? That just hit me last night.
I'm still not ever watching this show. I'm sure your recaps are 100% better than the real show.

BE THE WIZARD! Might have to be my new catchphrase, only because it made me laugh out loud.
Badger said…
I HATE COACH SO MUCH.

I was rooting for JT to win, thinking he wasn't a total goober, but WAY TO THROW AWAY A MILLION DOLLARS, GOMER PYLE. Brendan was setting him up not just to go to the finals, but TO WIN. Does he really think Coach and Tyson will take him to the finals? GAH.

So now I'm all about Stephen.
Karen Dietrich said…
I stopped watching Survivor years ago, when the women flashed their ta-tas for peanut butter and chocolate, but your updates are making me interested again.
Chris said…
I love heath bars. Oh how I miss them. But they are hard on the teeth and there is the whole no insurance thing.

I was really hoping coach would get blindsided, I loved how his morning ritual of whatever it was was called histerical. And his stories...HUH? What a liar.
Anonymous said…
Oh Mah Gawd. Could not get over how weird that man is. Oh, and don't try to look up his morning exercises on the internet or anything...because it's an ancient secret that's passed down from holy men and only 3 people know about it. Hey, maybe it's the same people who first knew the tall tale about being airlifted into, being captured and attacked in, and escaping from the Amazon!

I guess he makes for good entertainment?

jbhat
Anonymous said…
ACK. Double ACK.

ErinH

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