Survivor, meet the Survivors

This time around, I'm switching up my research process. My brother L emailed me a couple of weeks ago with his impressions of the Survivors having seen their videos. The first half of this post begins with L's comments with my thoughts...



Sydney - she needs to stick to modeling, anything where you can't hear the words and thoughts come out of her mouth. And she ain't all that pretty, but who knows, maybe she'll be prettier after she hasn't eaten for a week or two. bb says: ooh, harsh, YA KNOW. She'll fly under the radar for a while YA KNOW.

Carolina - another place name, hmmm, she was born to a single parent, her mom...how unique, because i know it takes a woman to give birth. A lot of people think shes one way, and then another, and that's going to help her. Its gonna try everything she stresses at home....brilliant Another freakin genius. bb says: ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO WATCH THAT COMMERCIAL BEFORE EVERY VIDEO? YAWN.

Erinn - ok, a second N, oh wait...a stylist. 15% of her job is being good at styling hair? Remind me not to let her cut my hair. She doesn't have any real annoying habits? People are surprised by how much smarter she is, ok, surprise me. bb says: 15% is the hair stuff and MOST of it is getting people to trust her. You know. With their HAIR, which is a BIG THING, L.

James - luvs da outdohrs, he luvs da ouhtdors, he kin feed hisself, (was there a IQ maximum for survivor this season? I'm thinking double digits.) Oh yeah, he luvs da outdowers. bb says: oh! I thought he was an opera star, but it's a commercial. I don't know...it's easy to make fun of a guy that sounds like him, but I could have a soft spot for him. Then again, he could be the guy who's full of outdoor talk and walks into a branch and gets airlifted out on day two. I'll bet he's got a heart of gold.

Brendan - Entrepreneur - OMG at least he can compose a sentence, what a relief. Watch they vote him off because he's got a brain. bb says: I'll bet he looks good shirtless too. Just you watch. How do you get to be an entrepreneur anyway?

Tyson - another place name, not as smart as Brendan. looks like he has man boobs. Dudes with boobs shouldn't wear colored deep v-necks. Doesn't have a problem lying or cheating. Oh wait, he a cyclist. Liked J- Fairplay, oh wait, he called himself better looking, and he thinks that will help...he's a trainwreck. Never mind. bb says: Tyson is a place? He was a missionary, that's kind of cool...but a lying cheating arrogant ex-missionary? What's up with that? Ack, I want to slap him.

Taj - Sounds sharp. She can sit out forever without eating. Living off her bellyfat? Umm, I like her. She has a foundation, Women of Infinite Possibilities. Shes here to help. bb says: She's gonna "nurture you out the door." She's a good talker - but I'm looking forward to seeing her lose her cool.

And here is where my brother decided to go for a bike ride, or hang out with his adorable kids or have a little snack. I'll continue with MY thoughts on the following players, having watched their videos...

Stephen- oooh, a "city boy who might get eaten alive by an animal" ! Someone ought to point out to him that there are NEVER any animals near the camp. He lost me when he started to talk about the anti-ivy bias on the show. As soon as people begin behaving that way my eyes glaze over. He's gonna "fade into the background" and be devious. Got that? He left corporate America to win the money and live in a cabin.

Sierra - Sierra? Sierra needs a bra. And to stand STILL. She's a weaver. She needs to keep her hands and mind busy. She's a little scared of the night-time though - cause it's dark. She doesn't over-think things cause "when you over-think things you are screwed." People call her The Iron Butterfly. FYI: I couldn't even sit through her whole three minute video.

Sandy - I'm thinking Sandy is our Old Person. She's 53, from Kentucky and drives a school bus. Sandy's got it all figured out. She's gotta be on the winning team. GENIUS. She's going to provide the big-sister/mom support that people NEED. I give her two weeks.

Joe - Joe is from Austin (holla, Badger!) and "does" real estate. He's gonna play hard, play smart and evade and persuade. He says he's strong and confident and is "pretty well rounded."
I presume he will be shirtless in five, four, three...two...

Jerry - Yo, Jerry, is shirtless in his video! Smiling, happy, with a fabulous accent, Jerry's got ten brothers and sisters. He likes to work hard, is laid back and can fix anything. I have a crush on him. He's a military man and full of charm. He is a "different individual" and I'm looking forward to watching him. HE WAS BORN FOR THIS OCCASION. WOOT.

Debra is a middle school principal. In her video she is sitting in water in a bikini. She feels that her age is an asset and will help her appear as a mother figure - and she said something about doing back handsprings. She's got a tendency to boss and lead and feels she will need to step back, AND she hates whining and negativity. Good luck, say I.

Is Candace going to wear that little tiny bathing suit for 39 days? That's all I want to know. She's going on and on about how unbelievable it is that she's a lawyer and, it's true, I'm having a hard time focusing on her being a lawyer while the camera is pretty much focused on her chest. OH, AND she's Miss Ohio. That explains it. I didn't get through her video either. I was too busy waiting for her top to slide off. AND IT WILL.

Spencer has a little boy face. Gah. He's 19, so he IS a little boy. He's hoping people underestimate him. Fortunately for him, there are two women who are going to "want to be his mother." He sure talks a lot - and doesn't say much.

Benjamin's friends call him The Renaissance Adventure Man. He certainly is interesting. He started a symphony, writes music, he's a jock, and he set the world record for the longest solo kayak expedition - which he has the tattoo to prove. Aside from what appears to be the world's longest mullet, I'm thinking I like him.

So, there you are people. Tomorrow night, we'll be having my mom's vegetable soup and taking notes.

Ready, set, go.

Comments

I don't watch this show ever, but I read your entire post because your commentary (and your brother's) was some of the most entertaining stuff I've read since my last P G Wodehouse book. And that's sayin' something. I am still re-reading and laughing.
PLEASE do this for the Academy Awards. I beg you.
The Orlando paper had a piece about Spencer because he lives down the road a bit.

I still won't watch, never have. I'll watch vicariously through your updates.
MsCellania said…
Send my regards to your mom.
They've gotta have a lot of people we love to hate to keep folks watching. Sounds like they have Plenty of annoying types this season.
Anonymous said…
I hate all of them already, and I can't wait to mock them on a weekly basis. Thanks for the preview!

jbhat

(And I don't HATE them. I'm just crabby today.)
Anonymous said…
I hate all of them already, and I can't wait to mock them on a weekly basis. Thanks for the preview!

jbhat

(And I don't HATE them. I'm just crabby today.)
eurolush said…
I like your brother. He be funny.
Michelle said…
FINALLY, someone who watches survivor. I have a small(ish) readership on my blog, and evidently NO Survivor fans...so I had to actually do a blog search.

Anyway, I'm with you on the Sarge. I'm calling him, as LONG as he doesnt let his natural inclination to be in charge get the better of him.

I look forward to talking Survivor more with you as the weeks go by.. havent actually gotten to watch last night's episode yet. Read my blog to find out why...heheheh..but if you do, will you leave a comment, so I can track back to you next week. Otherwise I forget where I've been.