Tuvaluans around town

It's a very busy time of year here in Tuvalu.
I don't know when people ran their errands during the school year, but now that school is back in session you do not want to be on the main drag at eight in the morning or three in the afternoon.
It's quite obvious that people are planning their driving around drop-offs and pick-ups at the schools.
So, yeah, Tuvalu is bustling with energy and it's tougher to get around and I've been noticing lots of people and have decided to tell you about them. Again.
Here we go:

Bike Riding Guy - remember him? I saw him the other day, on his bike (duh) and he looked more beat up than EVER. What IS his deal? He's not a wimpy looking guy so I can't imagine someone is beating him at home. Maybe he's a professional sparring partner? Gosh, I wish I knew.

Palm Beach Looking Lady - SAUNTERING in front of me in the supermarket, choosing hummus as if she were at Van Cleef and Arpels FORGOD'SSAKE, she is George Hamilton Tan and has very short cropped bleached hair. She was wearing very large, pink tinted sunglasses and frosty lipstick. Her outfit was noteworthy too - especially for someone in her 60's: white mini skirt belted with a very wide gold belt, high heels (also metallic leather) and a tank top.

Smoking Sushi Chef - first spotted a couple of weeks ago and confirmed yesterday, the sushi maker at my supermarket hides behind some shelves out in the parking lot and smokes. He always looks a little sad and dejected too so my point here is: STAY AWAY FROM THE SUSHI AT MY SUPERMARKET.

The Other Crossing Guard - stationed on a different corner from the Kooky Crossing Guard,
this Crossing Guard is cut from a different cloth. (See how I tied that whole cloth/coat thing in? no?) She's a big lady with short hair and work boots. I think she wears the shorts version of her uniform most months and usually adds a pith helmet. She used to drive a little convertible which she left parked near her post but, last year, bought a Mini and had it completely customized in tribute to her favorite football team. She even has a big wedge of cheese on the roof.

Happy Monday.

Comments

Dani said…
She does NOT have a wedge of cheese on her roof! Seriously?? Can you sneak a pic?

I love that school is back in session. You post early. :)
Tammy said…
I love that I can people watch through you! Your descriptions are way better than anything I could conjur up. I'm a transplant to WI. The whole cheesehead thing is weird.
alice c said…
Please reassure me that you made that slice of cheese/car roof thing up.
jenny said…
Apparently sanity is considered a non-essential trait to become a crossing guard in Tuvalu.

Sending my application in today!
Anonymous said…
the sushi chef - do ya think he is depressed because he is a sushi chef at a supermarket? He must have worked hard to become a sushi chef. And all he could get was a supermarket. no glory in that. I think stay away from the sushi at the supermarket is a good rule regardless of how sad or dejected the chef looks.

crossing guard with the mini - Crossing guards can afford mini's?! And THEN have money to customize it! I am in the wrong line of work.

B
kmkat said…
You need to check Urban Dictionary for "Kinnearing." It is a skill that would enliven the Tuvuluan personnel posts immensely (although perhaps they are better as it; you have a wonderful way with descriptions).

A cheesehead crossing guard? How did she escape from Wisconsin, I wonder.
Anonymous said…
I want to see a picture of Palm Beach Lady in that outfit!
mom2
Jen said…
Our crossing guard makes a point of knowing everyone's name, whether you're a Mrs. or a Ms., and acknowledging what you're wearing. I suspect she keeps a binder.
Did Palm Beach Lady have "cereal bowl boobs"?
The ones down here have fake boobs that look like a bad plastic surgeon inserted 2 cereal bowls directly beneath their collar bones.
And they wear ALL their jingley gold jewelry at the same time.
I'm guessing The Other Crossing Guard is a Packers fan--no one else in their right mind would attach a wedge of cheese to anything (except a plate with some fruit or crackers).
barbra said…
Oh my gosh -- a Cheesehead Mini!

I looked up "kinnearing." Blackbird does that sometimes. But I didn't find out if the term has anything to do with Greg Kinnear, an actor I enjoy.
Wendy said…
What does it say about the crossing guards in Tuvalu if one who drives a Packermobile ISN'T the kooky one?
Badger said…
Heh. I had the same question as Wendy.

And you will NEVER know why Bike Riding Guy is all beat up, because the first rule of Fight Club is not to talk about Fight Club, yo.

Now I'm off to read your archives, because apparently I've forgotten a bunch of stuff.
MsCellania said…
I remember that old Hoi Polloi post! I need to get that Psychic Friend's number...
Hey! The neighbors got me a dog! It's TRUE! I told them if they got another dog I would faithfully walk him/her. They did and I do - so soon I will have fellow dog walking characters to post about. Our school pick-up lane is benign. I'm probably the weirdest one there every day (but way too ADD to ever be a crossing guard)
I am assuming the crossing guards are parent volunteers? Otherwise, YEAH, I need to move to Tuvalu to get a crossing-guard job.
You see, if I attempted to do this with the people around me here it would have nowhere near the same interest. Because the people are nowhere near as interesting.

This was like a cast of characters from a quirky American tv show!
Loretta said…
Ugh, a sushi chef with nicontine fingers!

Barf.
eurolush said…
I didn't get dolled-up in all this metallic leather, with my belted mini skirt, tank top and heels--lookin'-like-a-million bucks-at-60-years-old, thankyouverymuch!--to stay at home and read Prevention Magazine and watch C-SPAN all day with the husband.

These boots were made for walkin'!

Yours in tans, miniskirts and overall gorgeousness,

Palm Beach Looking Lady