meet the Survivors

I'll tell you, now that the Olympics are over, television viewing has dropped dramatically here in Tuvalu. Last week we were forced to watch a re-run of House which isn't nearly as exciting when you know the diagnosis.
But excitement looms as Survivor will premiere next week and I KNOW you want my take on the contestants. Those of you who aren't interested in my Survivor posts can click away now, I'm sure Poppy has some witty post for you. We all have our vices, you know. SOME of us are completely consumed with Australian Idol.

Anyway - here they are, my profiles:

Ace - an excellent Survivor name, Ace is quoted: "I'm probably better than you and highly more [sic] educated." Ace appears to be a somewhat cocky trust-fund baby and I'm looking forward to seeing him get voted out very early in the game.

Bob is the first "green" participant in Survivor, and also "the old guy." (Those last quotation marks are from me.) A teacher who intends to prove that nice guys finish last, Bob has been a first mate, a skunk relocator and President of his union. The CBS site hasn't listed "favorites" this time around so I can't tell you what cereal he likes or what his choice of alcoholic beverage is.

Charlie is a marathon running lawyer. And he's gay. I'm curious as to why CBS feels it's important to mention a player's sexual orientation at this stage of the game and think Charlie probably looks good shirtless. (If they can objectify, so can I.) He's a lifelong fan of Survivor, which just makes me feel old.

Corinne - " This catty former sorority girl uses her wit and sex appeal to further her goals. Aside from working out in the gym almost every day, Corinne keeps fit by hiking and running. Corinne will tell it like it is and couldn't care less what people think of her for it." Talk about catty! Whoever wrote this for the website has longer claws than I do.

Crystal is a former Olympic athlete. I'm impressed. Unfortunately, I know from experience that physical skill is not the only requirement in this game. Can she stab people in the back? Can she lie? We'll see.

Dan is handsome, young, and also a lawyer. He took time away from his career and investments to be with his friends, family and himself, an idea which I find very appealing. He was a member of the Moot Court Honor Society...I'm wondering if they sell tee shirts.

Fortunately, Danny is also known as GC. I wouldn't want to get them confused. CG is a maintenance supervisor at an apartment building in Portland Oregon which, I suppose, implies that he has lots of handy skills. "He describes himself as adventurous, outgoing and silly, and he doesn't like dishonest people," and these things could serve him well. His profile picture is cute and he sounds like he'd be fun to spend 30-odd days with.

Gillian is a retired nurse. I always think that age and experience will be useful for Survivors and I'm usually wrong. Gillian is pretty active for someone who is 61 and enjoys swimming and mountain climbing, scuba diving and hiking. How neat would it be if she wiped the floor with the younger contestants and won?

Jacque is a 25 year-old medical sales person. I've noticed that there are always one or two medical/pharmaceutical sales people playing each season. She is athletic and pretty and muscular. Oh, and, she's blond and from California. The most interesting thing about her is the spelling of her name.

Jessica is aka Sugar and she's wearing a leopard print, lace-up bikini in her pictures. She "hopes to grow as a person after the experience and win enough money to "get off people's couches." It would appear to me that Jessica is this season's token resident of crazy town.

Kelly claims to be a good salesperson. She's blond and 22 and has perfect abs. I'm sure there must be something more interesting about her...oh, yeah, she's "a denim expert." So there you go.

Ken may well be the first Professional Gamer to enter this contest. He uses his tournament winnings to help pay the bills in his parents home where he lives with his brothers and sisters.
He's only 22 so I respect that he's doing much of anything and had no idea there were professional gamers. Now that I think on it, though, I'm wondering if the solitary, dark, lonely world of gaming will give him the experience he needs to succeed in Africa. There I go objectifying again.

I have a little crush on Marcus who is a 28 year-old anesthesiologist. I have a thing for anesthesiologists. Marcus is single, romantic, adorable and looking for a date and that's all I need to tell you.

Matty is ALSO a trust-fund baby as well as a personal trainer. I don't know how people with lots of money are going to garner any sympathy from the jury later on. Do people win votes with sympathy? Matty doesn't like people who take themselves too seriously. I'd take myself a lot less seriously if I independently wealthy. He's young and muscle-y and is smirking in his profile shot.

Michelle is a 24 year-old music producer. I don't know how you get to BE a music producer at such a young age but she was also married and divorced before she was 19 so I guess she's a fast learner.

Randy describes himself as a ruthless bully! He likes to pick on people! I'll bet he's a softy underneath the bravado - but if he's not he probably won't last long. He shoots wedding videos for a living, how nasty could he be?

Susie is an adorable looking hairdresser from Iowa. CBS says she is bold and brassy and has "a huge zest for life." I say she could be one of those Survivors who skates through quietly and does well. Or she could be chewed up and spit out in the first week. What do I know?

Did you make it to the end of this post? Will you make it through the whole season?
I had originally reported that the show will premiere on the 19th - CBS says it starts on the 25th.
Check back on the 26th for my first recap - which ought to be interesting as it's my first day of work.

Comments

Badger said…
I. CAN'T. WAIT.
Dani said…
Didn't make it through the whole post. But you know I <3 you anyway. :)
ssheers said…
I made it through to the end. I never watch the show, but I enjoy your descriptions.
Mrs. G. said…
Survivor is one of my guilty pleasures.
Ms. Karen said…
Am I gonna get thrown off the blog if I say I've never watched the show? But... you make it sound interesting enough, I'll be back to read your thoughts on it.
Amy A. said…
I can barely contain myself. Can't wait.
Anonymous said…
25th? Argh!

Thanks, bb. That was super funny and super informative. I already know who I am rooting for.

jbhat
Poppy Buxom said…
HAHAHA saying something witty, as IF.

Actually, I was blogging about watching my very first episode of Buffy. Which shows that not only am I not witty; I'm behind the times.
alice c said…
It is a toss-up between Corinne and Sugar. I think I'm going for Sugar - don't let me down Princess.
Susy said…
I'm so excited. We get together with some friends to watch in every thursday. Pizza & Survivor on a HUGE HDTV. DH and friends DH are so excited it's in HD.
Jennifer said…
It just wouldn't be fall tv if it weren't for you and your updates on Survivor :)
Anonymous said…
i thought your first day was the 29th?

B
You know, they don't even air American Survivor here anymore. Not even the season before the last season like they do for ANTM or last season for SYTYCD. As if no one in Australia dedicated to their reality television has an internet connection.

Pfft.
I've never watched. I have anxiety issues, so I'd either be having heart palpitations or screaming at the players.

I don't think I'll be watching much TV for the next few months. Looks like I'll be working every night from now until 2009.
Anonymous said…
I can't wait, either. I just had to Google who won Survivor 2007. Todd? Then I had to find a picture of him. Oh yeah, him.
Weird that I'm so involved while it's on, then poof, it's all forgotten.
ErinH
eurolush said…
You forgot this one:

Franz Heinrich is a 79 year old retired pharmacist. He likes waking up early and sweeping his front walkway. Later, in the afternoon, he enjoys taking slow walks around the neighborhood, with his hands firmly clasped behind his back. His favorite pastime is listening to the radio. He prefers ballads featuring the accordion and oompah bands. When he listens, scenes from his long- forgotten youth rise from the fog of his mind and take shape. Franz Heinrich is older and slower than the other contestants. He doesn't speak much English. He's not interested in drama. If he wins, he will take his money and head home to a small village in Germany. He will use the money to finish his stone patio in the backyard, buy a camper and take his dear wife, Elke, on the trip to southern Italy she has always dreamed of taking.

PS--Don't have TV here...so no Survivor. Have to use my imagination.