those 5 hours. sitting. in. my. car.

I am the Greatest Mom On The Planet. Perhaps even In The Universe.
You have all confirmed it.
Yes, I drove Middle and his girl (are they a couple? did he break up with her? are they back together? we may never know as he is his usual quiet self) for 90 minutes, in bumper to bumper, rush hour traffic to see his Favorite Band In The World.
And that's not all. Trapped, far from home, hungry (no food for miles), having paid $15 to park the car, I sat there and waited until the concert was over.
It wasn't all bad, and, now that YOU mention it, I could have sought out a parent lounge. But five hours alone with my laptop, a crossword puzzle and satellite radio kept me pretty occupied, and, for at least a couple of hours, there was plenty of activity for me to observe in the parking lot.
What did I see?

father and son

A couple of pairs of parents escorting teens. I think I've mentioned before that while Middle and I both like this band there is NO WAY we would want to sit together at one of their concerts. But this dad did and I think that was kind of nice.

parking lot1

Seen above: group A had just packed up their barbecue equipment. Middle had offered to beg a burger for me but I declined his offer. They had chairs and cold beer and burgers and ketchup and potato chips and it smelled great. Also pictured above: a person of interest. This POI was wearing a piece of fabric that had been intricately tied to her torso and a microscopic skirt. My favorite part of her look were the angel wings tattooed on her shoulders. They were very detailed.
It's a shame I had to wait for people to have their backs to me - the pictures would have been better if I didn't have to sneak them.

Meanwhile, in the car parked next to me, a couple slightly older than Middle broke out a gigantic bottle of sake. Imagine. Sake at a rock concert. Kids these days. After pouring it into those huge red plastic cups they proceeded to give our portion of the parking lot a preview of the evening's music by turning their car stereo to 12 and opening the doors and windows of their VW. He was a smallish nerdy looking fellow with a brown military shirt and hat and she was a goth princess complete with red fishnet stockings and garters. He surprised me again when he lit a cigar and sat on his tailgate enjoying it long after I thought they should have gone in for the concert.


This blond lady looked, from a distance, like a flight attendant or school teacher. Young and pretty with gorgeous hair, she had turned it up a notch for the concert and was wearing a heavily boned velvet corset and tight black pants. The final touch was black lipstick.
Somehow she didn't pull it off. I'm sure my boys would have called her a poser.

short skirt

Skirts this short are difficult to pull off too. I wonder how she sat down. If she sat down.

jack top

Use your imagination here. You could make this at home. Take one Jack Daniels tee shirt and cut off everything but the JD label on the front. With the remaining pieces, fashion strings and then lace the frontispiece onto your boobs. Take pictures for me and email them to the address above.
I'll make one too but I think I'll use mine to wash my windshield. It's looking pretty dirty in this picture.

event staff

I kid you not, I have always wanted an Event Staff tee shirt. And I could totally do what these guys did: stand around.
The woman on the left couldn't decide if she wanted her garter belt to show or not. Things are rough out there.


I'm still not sure if it was comforting to have an ambulance parked outside the venue or not.

I did my crossword in record time, watched my movie, played with my radio and then was treated to some live entertainment of my own.
A couple came out to the lot about 90 minutes before the show was over. It was clear that they had had an argument. He looked like Silent Bob and she was attempting a biker girl look. He pleaded with her as they walked back and forth in front of my car for over an hour. Every once in a while he'd try to put his arm around her but she'd swat it away. A couple of times she gave him a good hard slug but he never lost his composure - never raised his voice. After a long time he cracked and let out long hard sobs whilst resting his head on the roof of the sake couple's car. I feared that he might do some damage but he never did - and, when the concert was over he was still there with his hands clutching the luggage rack as she looked on. I was very anxious that sake couple would return and a brawl might ensue but they moved the argument a couple of rows over. When sake couple did return, looking slightly worse for wear, crying guy came back and chatted with them. They were friends who had arrived in separate cars. So that was exciting for a while.

Finally, near midnight, people began streaming out of the arena. I looked for the people I saw going in and noticed that lots of people had concert tee shirts. I started feeling bad about not giving Middle money for one but they are so damn expensive and I knew I could order him one for Christmas or his birthday. Just as I was getting lost in that plan there was a knock at my window. A guy in his late 20's, wearing a pink button-down shirt and khakis motioned for me to open the window.
Hey, buddy, he said, seemingly sober, can I bother you for a beer? LIKE I HAD BEER.
(Note to me, it would have been smart to bring SOMETHING to eat and drink.)I was pretty incredulous, LIKE I WOULD GIVE HIM A BEER, and told him I didn't have any. I sure did want one then, though. He came back around, after Middle returned, and asked for a ride to Tuvalu. Ballsy, eh? We showed him where the buses were and though he complained that "it wouldn't be as much fun" he walked in that direction.

Middle loved the show and told me about it as we maneuvered through traffic toward the long way home. He's a lucky fellow. Not only did I drive him there and wait for him, but his girl bought him the concert tee shirt.


KPB said…
Damn it. I thought you were going to say that couple had sex on the bonnet of a car or something.
Anonymous said…
You are an amazing mother. Does Middle realize that?
WOW. A great night of entertainment for the bargain price of $15.
Oh, the drama of young love.

I would have been sitting there and saying "Damn, why didn't I bring my camera."
Jen said…
I think you had a way better time than most people at that concert, what an entertaining evening!
Anonymous said…
You may have forgotten the wine and cheese, but you had your camera. And, unlike the fellow who knocked on your window, you had totally brought your brain. I loved this post!
Anonymous said…
Yes, you are the Greatest Mom On The Planet. And you know how to entertain yourself (and your fans).
Badger said…
Yep. You are.

I am trying to figure out which band. You've probably told us, emblazoning their name across this post in 24-pt type somewhere, and I JUST CAN'T SEE IT. Right? Because you know how I am with that.

Too bad you weren't peeing in a cup that whole time. Then you would have had something to offer Gimme A Beer Guy.
Anonymous said…
I thought exactly the same thing Kim did whiel reading and was expecting some dirty car sex too.
And, Badger? Ewwwwwwwwwwww.
jordi said…
You know, I used to say when i die that I want to come back as one of my animals.. there are some logistics to be worked out, obviously I want to have ME to look after reincarnated me... Like Terminator,I guess... but I digress. I now think I want to come back as Middle.

which crossword puzzle?
Dani said…
Short skirt girl should be wearing a longer skirt. I'm just sayin'.

I don't think I'd drive my kids 90 minutes to anywhere, never mind sit in the car for five hours waiting for them. I do believe you've one-upped me in the parenting department once again. (With my oldest only being 13.5, I guess I have a few years before I know what my real limits are... we'll see.)

Was there WiFi in the parking lot? If so, I would have found it easy to pass the time. The absence of food, coffee, and bathroom WOULD have put a cramp in all of that, though.
Anonymous said…
Great post! And you are an awesome Mom no doubt about it!
Anonymous said…
I like short skirts and angel wings, but when I saw the footwear I thought "there's a hooker in Jersey who wants her boots back!"
Miz S said…
I can't get past the no food thing. I always focus on the wrong thing, don't I?
alice c said…
I have just remembered why I encouraged my son to be sporty rather than musical - the games only last 90 minutes.

On the negative side there are no girls with angel wing tattoos at rugby matches. Or maybe there are - I was just in the wrong part of the car park.
Amy A. said…
You really are the best mom in the world.
Anonymous said…
Ha! I love it. NIN?

jbhat (who was probably deemed a poser by a parent parked in the lot during The Damned's concert, back in the day.)
Pretty Things said…
Dying to know the band, because the way everyone was dressed, I probably would have loved it! All that black and "edginess".

Me, I would probably have fallen asleep at some point -- unless I could have figured out how to get wifi out there.....
Stomper Girl said…
Oh my goodness, this is what the teenage years hold? You ARE the greatest mom on the planet.
barbra said…
I am DYING to know what band it was! Fall Out Boy? Panic at the Disco? Or am I revealing what I square I am with those guesses?

I really want to make Middle cringe and guess The Jonas Brothers! Ha ha ha ha !
Anonymous said…
You've got skills, m'lady. People-watching can be an art form when done properly. You had a lot of good shite to work with there. Damn.

My favorite was the girl with the tattoos of angel wings on her back. You KNOW I'm crazy about all things angels! You should SEE my curio cabinet!! ANGELS! ANGELS! ANGELS!
Mary said…
You did a sterling job of keeping yourself amused.

Still. FIVE HOURS?!!!!!
Anonymous said…
I have done this very thing - without the photographs. I love crowd watching and reading your stories of crowd watching!
MizMell said…
I have always enjoyed "people watching." I thoroughly enjoyed your narrative as well!
Anonymous said…
Only you, BB, could take hours in a parking lot and turn them into prime time entertainment.
Karen Dietrich said…
This comment has been removed by the author.