our Hairshirt horoscopes

Cancer: The hostess of the party you ruined this week was absolutely right. Pumpkin pie is horribly out of season and you shouldn't have brought it and she was completely justified in slapping you in the face.

Scorpio: Big changes are afoot, Scorpio. But to really take advantage of them, you're going to need to figure out what the hell "afoot" means. You're so pretty.

Leo: A nice relaxing foot massage would be wonderful right about now, wouldn't it, Leo? Well, maybe someone better cut their fucking toenails so that the poor masseur/masseuse doesn't get his/her poor goddamn hands sliced to ribbons.

Sagittarius: It's not okay for you to drink mustard straight from the jar.

Taurus: Romance is in the air, Taurus! But you can get rid of it with a little Febreeze.

Go! Read yours.


jordi said…
since I am on the exact cusp, I get to combine K's and Middles. I guess I can put my feet in the mustard jar while smiling cutely?
Anonymous said…
"Pisces: It's just plain wrong that you find William Shatner kind of hot when he's doing those "Priceline Negotiator" commercials." Eek! Maybe I'll take Aquarius, since I am technically on the cusp.

Those were pretty funny.

Anonymous said…
jbhat here again. Nope, I'll just accept Pisces' decree, since being an involves potential poo in my shoe. Eek indeed.
Anonymous said…
an Aquarius, that is.

(sorry to comment so many times!)

jbhat, over and out.
Chris said…
I don't usually believe in horoscopes, but I have an urge to start an art collection, immediatly.
Unknown said…
You know, Joe is a friend of mine. I had dinner with him and pregnant Mrs. Hairshirt the same day you and I met for lunch.

They're both very funny. We did some sketch comedy together when they lived here in Seattle. Good people.
I am a Leo, in desperate need of a pedicure/foot massage. But I am also hopelessly out of season, as I made a pumpkin bread the other day.
Geggie said…
K and I have the same birthday. I'm moving to Chicago. What's afoot for him?
Anonymous said…
I'm cancerian and I haven't made a pumpkin pie, let alone been invited out to dinner. I guess I should be thankful for that...
alice c said…
Scorpio and Pisces are a great combination so could you ask K to put me on the reserve list. Thanks.
Unknown said…
I'm a cancer too, and I have a can of organic pumpkin sitting in my pantry. I was thinking of making a pie, but maybe now I should make pumpkin muffins or some pumpkin ice cream. I don't want to be slapped!
Paula said…
I am with Middle. So if we can't drink mustard, can we drink pickle juice from the jar?
Anonymous said…
Oldest and I are leaving momentarily for our foot massages, just as soon as he finishes with the nail clippers. Tell Middle that he can't drink the mustard b/c my Older already drank it all.

Those were hilarious.