skills for men
By Tom Chiarella
I thought I'd see how K stacked up.
A man should be able to:
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
K is pretty succint in thought and word. I'm not sure he gives a lot of advice, but when he does he's probably terse.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
I don't think he's very good at this. He's not very cynical, but I am, so I watch out for him.
3. Take a photo.
K is a much better photographer than I am.
4. Score a baseball game.
Although I tease him all the time by saying he doesn't know anything about sports, I know he knows how to score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
Hmmm, maybe not.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
Absolutely. You're not surprised, are you?
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
Never. That would be my job.
10. Buy a suit.
He's only bought a few in his life, but he knows where to go, how it should hang and pays handsomely for quality goods.
11. Swim three different strokes.
I think he probably can.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
Yep. He abhors the suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
I'm pleased to say I've never known if he knows how to throw a punch, though I think I remember him describing how to to one of the boys. Once. A long time ago.
14. Chop down a tree.
I've seen him do it. I've seen him calculate where to rope a tree and successfully bring down a tree much larger than I thought he could handle.
15. Calculate square footage.
He can calculate ANYTHING.
16. Tie a bow tie.
The last time he wore one was in 1982, but he tied it himself.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
Uh. I'm not sure. Purchasing wine by the case doesn't count?
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
Uhh. I think he may be out of practice.
20. Sew a button.
He's very good at sewing.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
He's not especially argumentative, and knows nothing about soccer.
23. Be loyal.
For ever and ever and ever.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
He can build just about anything.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
A fly rod. Lovely to watch.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
He doesn't spend much time with old guys - I think he would if the opportunity presented itself.
30. Feign interest.
Once again, an area at which I excel. He usually can't be bothered.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
Remember when I said he was succinct? He's not pretentious either.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
I'll have to ask him. I doubt it.
34. Dress a wound.
I've seen him do this too - he's the resident wound-dresser.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
Yes, yes and yes.
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
He says: and know what I'm doing? sort of...
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
Yes. He taught the boys.
38. Tell a joke.
Not really. He never tells jokes. I'm the funny one - he's the good looking one.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
Yes - because it's all about math and odds and he's good at those.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
Yes. He's never used a baby voice and is good with small kids.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
Yes. He's never condescending or rude.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
He says hello to the dog every single night when he comes in the door.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
Yes! He's very handy!
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
I doubt it. But he might surprise me and dredge up something from childhood. Now lyrics...
48. Remove a stain.
He tries daily.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
Yes. Which sometimes is a good thing and sometimes is not.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
I like to think he could...
54. Break up a fight.
Oh! I don't know!
55. Point to the north at any time.
Yes. He's into astronomy too...
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
Not since high school, but yes.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
He's never bored.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
Usually food - pretzels, chips...
61. Cook bacon.
Is cooking bacon difficult?
62. Hold a baby.
It's been a while, but I'm sure he'd do just fine.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
Ohhh. I don't know.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
He says he didn't know that. I knew he had trouble with morale on his boats...
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
The baseball, yes, the football, maybe, the basketball - if he's lucky that day.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
I think he could, yes.
69. Tie a knot.
Dozens. He's the son of a sailor.
70. Shake hands.
Yes. And I like the way he does it.
71. Iron a shirt.
Yep. But only when I'm behind in the ironing.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck. Back of your fingers, in a slow fan.
Hmmm. I'll pass that on.
74. Know some birds.
He definitely knows some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.
Not very good at this - but he usually gives a shot.
Read the article here - it's a good list.
It turns out, K did pretty well.