how to paint

1. Prep all surfaces to be painted carefully. Sand, wipe down and vacuum all areas.
Or, be lazy and swat at cobwebs whilst brushing.

2. Tape off the edges of walls and surfaces that need protecting.
Or tell yourself that you will be VERY CAREFUL and not get paint anywhere it
doesn't belong.

3. Wipe spots and spills immediately.
With your tee shirt, or NO! Those tissues over there, WAIT! THEY ARE LINTY.

4. Cut in first to ensure proper coverage in corners and along the ceiling.
What the heck! Why not just keep on with the cutting in and do some of the wall!

5. Always wash out brushes and rollers when done for the day.
I thought that was why god made aluminum foil.

6. Keep turpentine or other solvent on hand when using oil based paints.
Or a loofah.

7. Fight the urge to answer the telephone whilst painting.
Have plenty of toothpicks on hand for cleaning the phone after you drop it in the paint.

8. Remember to dispose of empty paint cans during special waste days or bring them for
disposal at your town's hazardous waste refuse center.
I have 35 empty paint cans on the side of my house.


Anonymous said…
Busy, perhaps?
We survived yesterday dramz...
Anonymous said…
Rules, schmules! That was hilarious.

Dani said…
You are so goddamn funny...
Jen said…
tee hee, that was so funny!
Mary said…
This is how I would paint.

Which is why I outsource it.

Because I would dement myself.
Anonymous said…
I can't tell you how many articles of clothing I've ruined after I thought, "Oh, I'm just touching up, I don't need to put on my painting clothes."
The Tutugirl said…
I always forget to move the drop cloth over when I moved down the wall. Paint does not come out of the hardwood easily.
Anonymous said…
I don't think I'd ever get past the lazy swatting at cobwebs....
Wendy said…
That is why God made aluminum foil(or saran wrap). And then I stick the paintbrush and rollers in the fridge til the following day. They go in the freezer when I have to wait til the following weekend to get back to work.
Suse said…

Have I ever told you what Mr Soup does for a living?
Sarah Louise said…
the toothpicks have me laughing--excuse me I can't finish this comment...

ha ha ha ha, hee hee hee!
That is why we put off the repainting until we put the house on the market.
And that #7? ooohhhh noooooo!