open letters to the patrons in the library, 9:43 am

Dear Elderly Couple Sitting Next To Me:

Do you come to the library every day? To read the Chinese newspaper? Maybe it's Korean.
I love that you are here together, that the librarian said good morning to you and that you are quiet. (Sometimes the people in the reading area do not respect the quiet rules.)
I love your outfits too. Sensible shoes, fine cardigans. In short, you are adorable, especially when you point out articles to each other.
Thanks for sitting near me.

Best,

bb




To The Library Staff Who Man the Front Desk:

This is a freakin LIBRARY, people.
What's up with the full volume voices? And the clunking?
We, here in the reading room, like silence. We would, perhaps, accept the
occasional clunk of a book being re-shelved, but I think I can speak for myself and this old couple sitting next to me when I demand that you stop with the loud voices.

Yours,

bb




Dear Guy In The Reading Room With the Incessantly Chiming Cell Phone:

First of all, that's an annoying ring tone. You probably saw "chimes" and thought it would
be tranquil, but I'm telling you it's not.
Did you not see me shoot you the look of death when it rang for the third time in ten minutes?
You can't be that important and be hanging around the reading room of the library on a Thursday morning.

shut it down,

bb



To The Bird Chirping On The Library Patio:

Thanks.
I appreciate it.

Love,

bb


Attention: PERSON SCREWING WITH THE ALARM DOWNSTAIRS.
Subject: WTF

It's not like this place is open 24/7. In fact, the building is closed for half a day on Wednesdays.
You couldn't have screwed with the alarm system yesterday?

Emails may be addressed to blackbirdmail@mac.com




WARNING TO THE HOMELESS GUY WITH THE INFECTED SORES:
DO NOT COME OVER HERE AND SIT NEAR ME.
DON'T .
DO
NOT.



Dear Sweet Old Man Who Left That Plastic Bag Of Stuff On The Floor Near The Table:

Is that a bomb?
Why would anyone want to bomb the Tuvalu Public Library?
It looks like gym clothes.
Why did you leave it there? Are those your car keys? Are you just very comfortable here
or maybe a little senile.
Oh, you were off buying stamps somewhere?
I didn't know they sell stamps here.
Hey!
Where ARE you going? You are making me nervous.
Sit down and read. Just look at how nicely the couple at my table are behaving.

Really,
bb



Dear Librarian In The Biography Stacks:

My GOD those are gorgeous eyeglass frames. You've got a real Carrie Donovan thing going on there and I appreciate what you've done with what must be a 40 year old skirt.
The hair is good too. Very chic.
You are probably living my fantasy life.

hugs,

bb

Comments

RW said…
I love these posts. You are quite witty. I laugh outloud.
Badger said…
Dear Lady with the Laptop:

What could you possibly be typing over there? All the time with the clack, clack, clack. Is that really necessary? Some people are trying to read in here, you know.

Signed,

Just Kidding

P.S. I am alarmed by the snowball update photo. Is it gone already? Or is that an extreme closeup? Is there a photo set on flickr for that sucker? And why am I so anxious about it all of a sudden?

Co-signed,

Needs A Xanax
I couldn't remember who I saw in the library if my life depended on it. I run in, list in hand, get the books on the list, check the NEW BOOKS shelves, quickly peruse the MAGAZINES FOR SALE-10 CENTS table and I'm outta there.

Elderly Couple sound sweet.
And our librarians also use their outdoor voices.
When I volunteer at my daughter's school library, I have thought it would be enjoyable to be a librarian. Maybe I should consider a public library instead of a school library.

http://jmeg.typepad.com
I do so enjoy your keen powers of observation.
psychicgeek.com said…
I loved this so much I'm a gonna stumble it.
And the snowball looks more like a hairball now.
Melissa said…
Dear Blackbird in Tuvalu,
Your posts make me smile every day. I adore your commentary on the ordinary and the way you see the extraordinary. You raise blogging to an art form.
Your Admiring,
Green Girl
ssheers said…
Our library has a quiet room. The rest of the library is not very quiet. I used to spend time in the quiet room when my kids were very little (without the kids). It kept me sane.
be*mused jan said…
Thanks for that, bb. I needed a good laugh today and this was it.
In fact, it might have made my top ten favorite bb posts.
Olga said…
I wish I could bottle this stuff and sell it on e-bay. You are living my fantasy blog life.
barbra said…
Dear Sublimely Cool Blogger from Tuvalu:

How do you manage to make life's ordinary events so beautiful? I love that you let us get a glimpse of how you think. It's a great way to BE in the world. It helps me start off my day, every day.

Thanks for being you.
Terese said…
Hi Bibliophiles,
my favourite library place is the Reading Room of the State Library, Macquarie St Sydney. It has such atmosphere,stained glass windows and a pattern of griffins in a bas relief around the ceiling. I go there to write and sketch the scenes in my plays.
Ginnie said…
What RW and Jen on the Edge and Melissa said.
Miz S said…
One time a crazy homeless man sat near me in the reading room and spanked his monkey, if you catch my drift.

I ratted him out and the police came and took him away.

It was gross-slash-funny.
Saoirse said…
You can't be that important and be hanging around the reading room of the library on a Thursday morning.

i LOVED IT! TOO FLIPPIN' FUNNY!!!!!
jessmonster said…
We use normal conversational level volume at the check-out desk. I like it. The worst volume offenders are the book group, but I love hearing them fight things out in the fiction room. Most of the tables & chairs are on the opposite side of the building, so I don't feel bad about the volume.
This was all good (in fact you are on fire atm bb with your posting) but the one that touched my heart was the bird on the patio.
Kris said…
I love our librarians. They are quiet and best of all, give out balloons to stickers to kids just because hey, it's important to encourage kids to feel good about public institutions (no really, the nice man in charge of the children's section said that to me).
flossyblossy said…
Hahaha....i reckon that ties with your Zakka post for the funniest thing i've ever read. You So brighten my day!! Thank you!
paola said…
Beware of Bb's "look of death".
It's lethal...
he he
dear bb:

bring me some of those lasagna rolls for lunch, and I'll give a stern talking-to to the patron with the noisy phone, investigate the elderly gentleman's bag, and tell my staff to pipe down -- sorry, I don't have any cute vintage skirts or cool eyeglasses, but I'll do my best there, too