thoughts on evening wear

I had lots of time to inspect and criticize evening wear last night.
Fortunately, I made notes.
Fortunately for YOU, I've typed them up here, because I KNOW you want to know what I thought.

If I've missed someone and you want me to criticize THEM, drop me a line.

K's secret girlfriend, Heidi, was the first person I saw.



I liked her dress. It was beautifully cut and the color looked very pretty on her. Little did I know that 250 other actresses would be wearing RED, so I HAD thought she was very progressive...Heidi's hair freaked me out a little and I can't find a photo of it. It looked like someone pinned a loaf of bread to her head.



Here's Marion, who went on to win Best Actress, which I didn't care much about until I saw what they did to transform her into Edith Piaf. Her speech was so heartfelt and, I don't know, French? Thank you life, thank you love, and it is true, there is some angels in this city. she said with a big lump in her throat. Trust me, it was moving.
At first I was a little appalled at her fishy looking dress...really, scale-y, but now I'm thinking it was a work of art.



Jennifer had a lot going on. Pleats and tucks and ruffles and a smooshed bosom. I'm not sure I like it. And her HAIR? Was par for the evening. It was messy ponytails wherever one looked.



Here's the worst offender. Cameron is seen wearing the sheet she woke up in. She couldn't read, couldn't speak, and left me speechless.

And, speaking of sheets,



George's girlfriend wore the bedspread from the house on the Cape.

I was anxious to see Nicole as she is K's FORMER girlfriend. He doesn't like what she's done with her face, so he's not in love with her anymore.



Here she is sucking in her bump.



Do I like the dress?
I have no idea - I'm distracted by the necklace and the bizarre ballet arms.



I could run away with Penelope but I wouldn't let her bring this Olde Tyme Saloon dress, even though she's the only person who can wear a bustle in the front. There is an off-putting application of feathers here.
And she's not the only one -



You know how they say women should wear something up near their face to distract from a pregnant mid-section? I don't think they mean a squished Muppet.
I had a nightgown that color when I was a teenager - I just WISH it had a train like that.

I know you won't believe it, but I've never seen this young woman before.



I thought she looked lovely and was appropriately dressed for a teen idol. Too bad about the ponytail.



A gorgeous dress on Ann. In a breathtaking shade. With one small problem. The areas I've indicated seem to be lengths of fabric the designer didn't know what to do with.



Jennifer H had a slight problem area too...but she still looked very pretty. She left her scary little bolero jacket at home this year.



I've been seeing Katherine everywhere. Every time I turn on the television she's there. Her dress does not impress me. I don't even know who she IS.

And the wild ones? The ones everyone can talk about?



Talented former exotic dancer and award winning writer Diablo needs to choose a theme. She can be Cleopatra OR Amy Winehouse OR Wilma Flintstone (thank you Manolo) OR a pirate, but she can't be all of them.

MAKES MY NECK ITCH/SHITS ME TO TEARS Winner Renee...



touched her hair constantly on the red carpet, and I'm pretty sure she wore that dress in Chicago.



Daniel Day Lewis brought a brooch. The brooch brought the woman with the auburn hair.

My favorite?



Tilda. I cannot take my eyes off her. I know she's wearing two lengths of Michael's Craft Store satin, but I just think she's mesmerizing.



I do think I'd cut that sleeve off....













(btw, I read the Fug girls AFTER I wrote this)