It's nearly time for Survivor

That's right - February 7th is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.
But don't worry your little heads. I've done all the research for you. As usual.
You're welcome.

Set in Micronesia, which is like AMnesia, but without the forgetting part, this season it's Fans vs. Favorites. (Do your kids say 'verse' for versus? Because Youngest does and it makes me nuts.)
And WHO are these favorites of whom they speak?

Amanda, from Survivor China is playing - and I HAVE TO SAY I already forgot who she is. That's not too good is it? I don't know if I would necessarily classify her as a favorite.

Amy from Vanuatu is playing. She's a nanny. I think I remember making fun of a nanny, but I don't remember Amy. Heh. I'm two for two.

I do remember Cirie. She played in Panama. I distinctly remember her face but I've just read that she lost 30 pounds to play this round, so I'm not sure I'll recognize the rest of her.

I'm thinking I'm only going to remember people who kicked ass...

Yeah. I don't remember Eliza either. Was Vanuatu a really long time ago?

Okay. I totally remember James. But he just played.
And I remember Jonathan. He's the writer/producer who probably thought he was smarter than he actually was in Cook Islands.

HERE WE GO. Johnny Fairplay. I certainly know him. Asshole. He's the guy who lied and said his grandmother died. He was on Survivor Pearl Islands.

I remember Ozzy too. Because he's cute, and I remember Pavarti because she rhymes with Havarti and BECAUSE THAT'S A CHEESE. Actually, I remember her because I have a girl-crush on her.

And WHO finishes off the team? Yau-man. This makes everyone happy.

So, those are the 'favorites.' As far as I can tell, some of MY favorites are missing. Then again, a team made up of all the interesting past contenders might not last very long.

The Fan team is described as Ultra Fans who will be tested to see if their enthusiasm and passion for the game will distinguish them as worthy competitors. (I totally ripped off that sentence.)
The fans are:

Alexis - a 24 year old motivational speaker. Of course she's gorgeous, but the thing that gets me is that she's A 24 YEAR OLD MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER. I sort of feel like I wouldn't be motivated by anyone who has only been around for 24 years. Maybe it's just me, but I think I'd like the person to have a little life experience.

Chet is my age. He's a pharmacy customer service person AND a pageant coach. This is an intriguing combination of careers, no? He likes Twix bars and whiskey and has 15 sheep, 75 ducks and three cats. I'm thinking he'll last about 4 days.

Erik is ten years old. Okay, he's 22, but his bio reads like he's ten. Except for the list of alcoholic beverages he likes. It's sort of hard to imagine that he's only been drinking legally for a year when you read the list. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW.

Okay, Jason is 22 too. It's creeping me out that the contenders are younger than MY CHILDREN.

Fortunately for my delicate sensibilities, Jason is 32. He is one of those guys whose neck is as big as my torso. He's a fireman. He assists in the treatment and transport of patients with medical emergencies and also helps fight fires. Wow. I never would have known what firefighters actually DO if it weren't for the Survivor website.

Kathleen is 45. This is what they've written about her:
Born in Manitowoc, Wisconsin, Kathleen Sleckman currently works at a golf course in Illinois where she moves about selling thirsty golfers snacks and beer.
MOVES ABOUT?

Mary is 29, has fake boobs and a navel ring. That's all you really need to know at this point. She'll probably be the runner up.

Mikey is an aspiring actor/writer. He's 34, single and likes beer. He looks like a good guy. Ladies?

Natalie's photo makes her look like a porn star. I'm sorry, but there it is.

Tracy's photo IS TRYING hard to make her look like a porn star. Her bio says she is a commercial and residential builder which is a great twist, I'm thinking.

That's all of them. Gosh I hope this series of college admission meetings I'm supposed to attend this year don't impact my Survivor watching.
Sheesh.

Comments

Badger said…
I think "moves about" is Survivorspeak for "pretty spry for an old broad".
I sure hope that your college admissions meetings don't impact your Survivor watching. I count on YOUR recap in case I have meetings that impact MY Survivor watching. It's a heavy burden you have to carry.
Kim said…
oh you're on fire today!
Amy A. said…
Can't wait!
Sarah O. said…
I'm rooting for The Cheese Girl, Phavarti.
Ginnie said…
But why isn't your name on the Fan team list, bb?
might I add...? said…
Do you think there's a college somewhere that you can major in motivational speaking? I completely agree with you about the life experience thing.
jenny said…
Okay, I'm late to the game here, I kept meaning to come back to this post but seriously...

YOU HAVE A GIRL CRUSH ON POVERTY? Say it isn't so!

Johnny Fairplay? He's almost enough to make me NOT watch.

Kathleen is 45 and drives the beer cart? I thought the maximum age for that was like, 28 or something. Unless 'moves about' means that she pulls a wagon.

A thousand thank yous for your list, it's now my must-read before the season starts.
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Sahara Thompson said…
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