why I watch All My Children

You can make fun of me all you like, but I watch All My Children.
And I'm going to tell you why....

Sure, there are dozens of studies covering this topic - I know, I've googled them, but then I was too lazy to draw parallels so you'll just have to go with my reasons.

First of all, no one has a real job on All My Children. They have jobs that we all would love; modeling or running a cosmetics company or being a private investigator, but, what I mean is, no one actually GOES TO WORK. No one has to crawl out of bed to shower, shave and trudge off to the train. People actually only shower if there is a chance someone hot can walk in on them and lather their back.

People don't have to make lunches and put the kids on the bus or drive to school ten times a week either. Children are either adorable moppets, used as props, or perfectly dressed teens talking about stuff writers pretend teens talk about. The children on AMC never interrupt their parents on the phone, never need a ride anywhere and never wear tee shirts with stupid sayings on them.

Everyone is perfectly coiffed, all the time, on AMC. Their clothes are always freshly laundered and no one ever has static cling or dog fur on their hem. Plus, everyone dresses as though they are going to a cocktail party EVERY DAY. Imagine spotting me in the supermarket in my black strapless chiffon dress? Wait, I don't think anyone GOES to the supermarket in Pine Valley.

And, can I talk about Pine Valley for a minute?
Pine Valley is supposed to be in Pennsylvania. I know a little about life in Pennsylvania but I didn't realize they have an OCEAN there. And Pine Valley is 15 minutes, by car, from New York City. I'm thinking that's not true either.

Finally, I'm pretty sure that no matter what happens here in Tuvalu, no matter what trials we face, we'll never have to deal with K's ex-wife, who we thought was dead, coming back and kidnapping one of our children, because she believes the child should be hers because her embryos were destroyed in a black-out, and driving off a cliff in a horrendous accident which leaves our child stone deaf but with no other apparent injuries. And, even if that did happen, we would just have my ex-husband, who owns casinos and a multi-million dollar organization, with no actual products or employees, hire someone to pose as her long lost psycho brother and torment her until she leaves town. And this, my friends, is a great relief to me.

Comments

Badger said…
Ha! I watched it years and years and years ago. I had to quit because Brooke and Erica were making me crazy. (Sarah Michelle Gellar will always be Erica's daughter to me, and that girl on that show with Regis will always be a round-faced Goth with dyed black hair.)

I watched One Life to Live for ages, too. But I had to stop because of Antonio and the fact that he's an asshole and everyone knows this except the writers of the show and the actor who portrays him. And also because Roger Howarth left.

Now I just watch Jerry Springer.
Sarah Louise said…
I used to love Santa Barbara and General Hospital. But my mom wouldn't let me watch soaps so I had to watch One Life and GH b/c that's what my friend watched at her house. I caught a little bit of AMC this week and thought it would be interesting if they created a Dr. Drake Ramore slot for Joey Tribiani (of Friends) now that he doesn't have his own show.
Jen said…
I used to watch Another World religiously, so no laughs here! In fact, you make AMC sound very appealing. :0

Jen
Angela said…
Confession: I watch Days of Our Lives. Every day. I put Harper down for her nap, I make a cup of Earl Grey, I pull out my knitting, and I watch EJ and Sami plan their disaster wedding that will take place only to end the vendetta that Stefano has against the Brady family.

240 hours every year. (Minus those hours that they schedule it at 3 in the morning because of Wimbledon or something. I refuse to Tivo a soap opera.)
marian said…
Thank you for enlightening me.
Who She She said…
I used to be a General Hospital & AMC girl, but then my husband turned me on to Days of Our Lives. Whenever one of us says something dramatic, the other will do his or her John Black imitation (Angela, you know what I'm talking about here). Confession: Even though I work full-time and can't watch it as much as I like, sometimes I'll run home from the office to catch a half hour of it.

I think Susan Lucci (or most of her) is 61, but I'm not sure if that's dog years or not.
paola said…
We all have our skeletons in our closets, see?
I don't watch soaps but I do watch a LOT of fictions: Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, The West Wing, Ally McBeal, Alias (ended), Friends reruns and I am a devotée to Sex & the City.
There, I said it.
On my defense, I do this to keep my English pratcised, slang and all.
gabe said…
General Hospital....because it was on at 3 after school got out. Purely a timing decision. But I was hooked through the Luke and Laura years. And I loved Tracy the evil Quatermaine who wouldn't give her Dad his heart pills when he needed them.

But now if I have an hour in the afternoon to watch TV-when would that ever be-I would rather catch the Daily Show and Colbert etc. Guess we all grow up and move on.
I believe that Susan Lucci is ageless. She'll never die. Scientists around the world are working feverishly to clone her.
Keetha said…
All My Children was my favorite back in the day - Tad and Liza and Brooke and all.

Soaps make me like my own life even more. What if I had to don a black chiffon gown to go grocery shopping?
Jeannie said…
IMDb says Susan Lucci will be 61 on 12/23. When you see her picture, don't look at her face...look at her neck. it is SO 61 yrs old. I have watched AMC on and off since Day 1 cuz Tad is so freaking funny.
Donna said…
Having a place to go to escape from reality for a short time is a very good thing.

I visit Wisteria Lane every week myself.
Annagrace said…
LOVE it!
alice c said…
You would LOVE 'Footballers' Wives' - it would make AMC look like a slice of everyday life.
Sue said…
I used to watch AMC for about five minutes back when Tad and Dixie FIRST got together. Loved them.

I already outed myself on my blog with the whole Jack & Jenn on Days thing. I floved them so much. Sigh.
Saoirse said…
guilty pleasure--gotta love 'em!
Miz S said…
Dude. I totally get it. Back in the day, way WAY back in the day when I was in my 20's, I had a work schedule that allowed me to watch AMC, OLTL, and GH. Not every day, but a few times a week. Life was sweet.
TX Poppet said…
Here I go dating myself again, but... Back in college EVERYBODY male, female, teacher, student, watched AMC. When Greg & Jennie got married, the entire campus shut down and all classes were cancelled. I even got talked into cutting class to see Jennie get blown up on her jet ski. And the girl who talked me into it? She graduated, went to New York and landed a recurring feature role on All My Children. Ohh yeah. I get it.
AMC Rocks! I have never seen a woman on that show that does not wear heels 24/7. Even in the house! LOL