guidelines

For those of you meeting me this weekend I'd like to set up some guidelines:

  • I don't like the kissing thing. You know what I'm talking about, it's that polite kiss you give when you meet someone for the first time when you already know them. I'm not comfortable with it.
  • I do like to shake hands. I think shaking hands is a very nice way to say hello to someone you admire but haven't met yet.
  • I had cards printed - ask me for one, I want to give them away.
  • The whole anonymity thing aside, I don't like being photographed. I have explained this several times before so I won't go into it again. I especially don't like being photographed for any other purpose than personal ones or by anyone in the media. If you are taking pictures for business purposes I would hope that you would ask my permission.
  • I'm short. You don't need to tell me how surprised you are about it. And remember, short doesn't necessarily mean small.
  • I don't discuss politics or religion. You may, if you like, but don't expect me to join you.
  • I haven't seen or read or heard the latest whatever.
  • I have a B.A. in the Humanities and I did work in publishing for several years during the Paleolithic era, but don't assume that means that I am up to speed on the ways of business or higher education.
  • I can't write code.
  • I twist my mouth in a funny way when I speak. I swear. I am not especially 'nice' but I'm not really a bitch either.
  • No one impresses me.

I can only imagine, after writing this, that no one will be interested in meeting me.
But, there you are.

Comments

Jan said…
You crack me up.
Wendy said…
Deal.
mckie2 said…
How tall is short?

Just thought I'd ask.

Susan
blackbird said…
Not freakishly short.
5' 1"-
Saoirse said…
Well, that IS short, but certainly not circus/carny short!

I hope you have a good time and I hope, for goodness sakes, that folks "lay off" about trying to take a picture. What's up with that anyway?
Schmutzie said…
I wish that I could meet you there. I don't like the kiss kiss thing either.
christina said…
I'd be terrified to meet you now (teasing!) Wish I could go! You have such a wicked sense of humor..
islaygirl said…
i'm a hugger and a kisser, but i love the polite shaking of hands. of course, i won't be a slapher (uh, i mean blogher) so it's all moot anyway. have a good time.
Emma said…
I found your blog while searching for blackbirds and have read with interest. I've stopped for a while because I'm writing my works Annual Report but this is great. I hate kissing greetings too and think it's fantastic that nobody impresses you. this was a nice break from writing.
margalit said…
I like you SO much better now. Very few people impress me either. Mostly, I hate people. The queen of misanthropes, I yam. But I am tall. Not freakishly tall. 5'9".

No photos for me either.

Or air kisses. HATE THEM. Or hugging. Blech. Or any kind of licking, boobie grabbing or anything else so prominently displayed in Blogher photos. I have a personal bubble. Stay the hell out of it!

Which is why I could never go, even if gifted with an all expenses paid trip. The first time someone went up to me, I'd blend into the wall and stay there hoping that someone knows how to transmogrify me right back home.

yeah, I'm really friendly, too!
alice c said…
I think that you need a posse of huge bodyguards pushing people aside as you walk through the conference and putting greasy palms over the lenses of the paparazzi. It would also stop the kissing thing.
Poppy Buxom said…
You're staying at my place, so I'll kiss you if I want. But I won't put my tongue in your mouth, even if Madonna would.
JaniceNW said…
Funny and honest. Good for you.
Anonymous said…
This makes you sound all wierd and standoffisch, of which your neither.

I think the hug, kiss and photo rules are all respect issues.

That said, at the pot luck b-b-q I will have someone take a picture of me kissing and hugging you next to a height ruler (like the kind they have in 7-11 by the door) holding the Microsoft annual stockholders report in your arm ala statue of liberty.

Have a safe trip.

Love you,

L.

be careful
Kim said…
This is genius.

I'm totally a kisser. And a gusher.

Be glad we're separated by an ocean as there's no telling what I'd do if I got to meet you.

But this, this is genius.
Marijean said…
I'll be looking forward to requesting a card and shaking your hand. At this point, I may not even bring a camera.
marian said…
We don't do the kiss thing here in Minnesota. Just handshakes. Maybe a hug if we're feeling especially jovial. But I won't be there, so that's no help.

I don't discuss politics, ever, and I actually don't discuss religion, either, despite the leanings of my blog. But again, I won't be there.

That was a very cute list, anyway. Hope you have a great time. So looking forward to hearing about it.
BabelBabe said…
she's AWESOME, don't listen to her (except the parts about not kissing her, and not photographng her to post on your blog). I wish I could go.
robiewankenobie said…
so, you're tall like me!
Miz S said…
Short, strict blackbird, refusing to kiss the hordes of squealing bloghers.
Suse said…
But you know *I* will kiss you.

You have no choice babe.
Jennifer said…
Now I REALLY wish I were going to BlogHer! :-)
MsCellania said…
Don't forget your whip and chair!
I bet you have a great time and are surprised at the respect you're accorded. Especially if you leave each evening before per capita alcohol consumption exceeds the liter mark.
Too funny. I think I could fall in love with you. If you don't get rid of all the cards, I'll send you an envelope so you can send me one. I won't be there.
Badger said…
Am now convinced that if we met in person, you would hate me. So it's just as well that I'm not going.
Lee said…
Wow.

I was given a shorter protocol when I went to meet the Queen.
tut-tut said…
You sound quite delightful.

If you send me your card, I'll send you mine . . .
paola said…
Oooops, unintentionally I believe I kissed and hugged you.
Did I? IF so, please excuse me, but I was so very happy I had to.
Anyway, I'll try and keep the guidelines in mind...
So, nobody impresses you???
kassi said…
I would have liked to shake your hand...but I was riding an elephant. Riding an elephant wasn't particularly interesting, and would have preferred to shake your hand.
there you have it.
Angela said…
If I saw you at BlogHer, I would quickly blow a kiss in your direction. And then I would slip you a tiny note that simply said, "You are delightful. Coffee?"
catsteevens said…
I never realized so many people do the kissing thing! I thought it was only Hispanics/some Europeans that do it. I understand not wanting to be kissed/hugged/touched....and would kinda be freaked out if someone (that I did not know) tried to do it to me too.

I don't discuss politics or religion either (although I do post about it). Nor do I discuss money. I find it rude.

Sometimes I am impressed by what other people may have accomplished (but they have to be pretty big accomplishments), and even then, I never let them know that I'm impressed.

I like your guidelines. Nothing wishy-washy, standing firm.
Sue said…
I cannot imagine the social anxiety I would feel if I ever went to something like this. Gah.
Loretta said…
Now I'm nervous because I think I DID kiss and hug you!

Who knew??
Joke said…
What happens if someone kisses a picture of your blog?

-J.