urban necromancy
1. The Soap Fairy - wanders the house and replaces slivers of soap with fresh bars. Guilty of throwing slivers in the kitchen trash bin (as the dog seeks them out and eats them from the wastebaskets in the bathrooms. Efficient at her job, she has never actually been seen.
2. The Sock Fairy - refills empty sock drawers/bins with clean rolled socks. Can be lazy during the school year as members of the household can often be heard requesting socks. Sighs a lot, especially when she realizes requested socks have been left wet in the washer for over 24 hours.
3. The Beverage Witch - replenishes the refrigerator with beverages of each household member's choice. Is very bad about putting beer in the fridge, never remembers to bring white wine upstairs from the wine fridge, which is her downfall as she appreciates white wine.
Not to be confused with:
4. The Beverage Troll. The beverage troll leaves empty water/soda/tea bottles throughout the house, most notably:
a. in front of the big computer
b. near the drum set
c. in the rooms of the offspring.
Giggles and is completely guilt-free.
5. The Washer Fluid Pixie - responsible for depleting the window washer fluid in the vehicle. Disregards the dashboard light admonishing that said washer fluid needs replacing. Works best during high pollen season.
6. The Gasoline/Petrol Vixen - is able to drive to town and back a minimum of 5 times without refilling the tank. Takes certain pride in this accomplishment.
7. The Scissor/String/Cellophane Tape Elf - disperses these items in unknown parts of the home. His work is especially apparent just before birthdays and holidays.
8. The Invisibility Thief - able to make items completely invisible to male members of the household, does his best work with remote controls, that recipe one was perusing and cd's belonging to the library. Works with lightening speed making it possible to lose the remote after answering the door only to find it in the dining room seconds later.
9. The Water Monster - takes special delight in wetting the floor of the office in the basement and upstairs loo. Works under mysterious conditions and cannot be outwitted. Scoffs at towels, pumps and dehumidifiers.
10. Lawn Wizard - convinces grass to grow especially quickly when the weather is warmest.
2. The Sock Fairy - refills empty sock drawers/bins with clean rolled socks. Can be lazy during the school year as members of the household can often be heard requesting socks. Sighs a lot, especially when she realizes requested socks have been left wet in the washer for over 24 hours.
3. The Beverage Witch - replenishes the refrigerator with beverages of each household member's choice. Is very bad about putting beer in the fridge, never remembers to bring white wine upstairs from the wine fridge, which is her downfall as she appreciates white wine.
Not to be confused with:
4. The Beverage Troll. The beverage troll leaves empty water/soda/tea bottles throughout the house, most notably:
a. in front of the big computer
b. near the drum set
c. in the rooms of the offspring.
Giggles and is completely guilt-free.
5. The Washer Fluid Pixie - responsible for depleting the window washer fluid in the vehicle. Disregards the dashboard light admonishing that said washer fluid needs replacing. Works best during high pollen season.
6. The Gasoline/Petrol Vixen - is able to drive to town and back a minimum of 5 times without refilling the tank. Takes certain pride in this accomplishment.
7. The Scissor/String/Cellophane Tape Elf - disperses these items in unknown parts of the home. His work is especially apparent just before birthdays and holidays.
8. The Invisibility Thief - able to make items completely invisible to male members of the household, does his best work with remote controls, that recipe one was perusing and cd's belonging to the library. Works with lightening speed making it possible to lose the remote after answering the door only to find it in the dining room seconds later.
9. The Water Monster - takes special delight in wetting the floor of the office in the basement and upstairs loo. Works under mysterious conditions and cannot be outwitted. Scoffs at towels, pumps and dehumidifiers.
10. Lawn Wizard - convinces grass to grow especially quickly when the weather is warmest.
Comments
Hilarious
These are great!
And you forgot a couple:
1. Toilet trolls, who paint the underside of the toilet seat with translucent yellow paint;
2. Apple annies, who leave apple cores on tables near the television, or put them in wastepaper baskets to get all squishy and smelly;
3. Backpack Boggarts, who leave overstuffed backpacks all over the place;
4. Shoestrewing elves, who leave big, boat-like male shoes where women will fall over them.
And the Scissor/String/Cellophane Tape Elf? Hate. Him.