Survivor

Before I get into last night's episode, I need to tell you about my invention.
You see, after I made a simple, stunning meal of burgers on the grill (with wood charcoal), corn on the cob, nearly done steamed artichokes and some avocado (which never made it to the guacamole stage of preparation), my mother and I watched Oprah.
In case you missed it, Oprah had inventors of home goods on her show yesterday.
These people brought their inventions to some home shopping channel people with the hopes of winning the chance to manufacture and broadcast their item and make millions of dollars.
There was a woman with a veg peeler (boring!), a lady who created a remote control lady bug in which you put a marker (it drew circles mostly), and a woman who created drapes for the shutters of your home to commemorate certain holidays (and I think she should have won because people LOVE to put crappe like that on their houses). But the winner was the woman who invented a baking pan that came apart so that cakes and lasagna could be cut into perfect squares and removed easily without falling apart. She didn't mention the greasing of the pan or the cleaning of the pan - but everyone loved it.
While we were sitting there, puffing on my mother's cigarettes (DON'T SAY A WORD) I realized that I had a million dollar invention of my own.
It's called The Clumping Ashtray. And it works somewhat like clumping cat litter.
STOP LAUGHING.
I realized that my mother's car is an ash pit...every time she flicks her ashes into the minuscule ash tray, they fly everywhere!
Now, if there were some kind of liquidy, yet waxy substance in the ashtray below her cigarette, it would absorb the ashes. And it could be mildly scented. And when no more ashes could be absorbed into this substance (don't ask me about the chemistry, SOMEONE will have to come up with this formula), the tray could be lifted out of the car and the mess could be dumped as a solid.
No muss, no fuss.
I haven't worked out how you could use it on your boat or RV - and these things must ALWAYS be able to be used in those two places, I know because they SAY THAT ALL THE TIME ON TELEVISION, but I'm close.
And I'm pretty sure I could make millions off it.
My mom isn't sure...But we're not ALLOWED TO SMOKE, mom pointed out to me.
No matter - someone will buy it.
Just remember: you heard it here first.

Okay.
So. The Clumping Ashtray.

Now, for Survivor, which mom took notes on while I fetched Middle.
Mookie was voted out last week.
Alex is trying to do the math.
Earl tells us that he is voting straight from now one (I don't know what that means and forgot to ask mom).
Stacy tries to explain her vote but they won't let her, and Alex decides to stay out of the discussions and just observe.

It's day 31 and Alex "listens like a ninja."
Earl feels that honesty will win him the game and there is a core four: Dreamz, Alex, Cassandra, and Yau.
Cassandra feels Yau is a big threat just for being himself and having the idol.

The first challenge (and I'm glad I missed it) is ripping suspended pork off a suspended, um, pork thing, and then spitting it out.
Mom dutifully listed how much pork each person ripped and spit, but it's making me a little nauseous this morning, so I'll let that go.
I arrive back at the house and realize that they have been spitting pork and that I can't look at their pork covered faces.
Boo wins and sends Earl to Exile.
Boo takes Dreamz and Yau off on a helicopter ride as the reward and he cannot shut up and let the other two admire the beauty of the island.
They are brought to a river and raft through rapids to a picnic.
While they eat big sandwiches, Earl reads about where a new hidden idol is.
The picnic crew get letters from home -
Yau's daughter gets great grades on her report card (HATE REPORT CARDS)
Boo's letter reports that everyone is eating well (WTF)
and Dreamz's sister talks about his great opportunity.

On day 33 the winners return to camp and complain about Boo.
Everyone bitches about him and Alex ads to it by challenging them to vote Boo out.
People think it over but they are off to another challenge.

The team must dig through deep sand to uncover steps for climbing a pole out in the ocean and retrieve flags.
Boo wins and this seals Alex's fate.
He knows he's going but he makes a last ditch effort to save himself by trying to convince everyone to vote for Yau.
Of course this is upsetting as we love Yau, and he has no idea that people may vote for him and won't even consider playing his idol.
And even though Earl tells us that he'd rather vote "his (Alex's) ass off now," we see people wavering.
I wonder if Earl should warn Yau - but he doesn't, and it's very tense.
We are so worried that Yau will go, blindsided.
But he doesn't, and Alex is on the jury.


Middle is off this morning on his school trip.
I'm just not used to sending them away, even for just a few days.
I couldn't tell if he was already missing his girlfriend, upset with his new haircut (very short all over with a shock of hair right in the front) or concerned about the trip (boys he doesn't know sharing his room, two long performances, being far from home) but he wasn't happy when I dropped him off and, because he's Middle, he didn't want to discuss it.

Fortunately, we have a busy weekend.
I was going to say that perhaps I won't have too much time to think about him and worry, but that's just bullshit.

Thanks to mom for taking notes...

Comments

Badger said…
Okay, well I would be remiss in my duties if I didn't tell you that the "core four" was Yau, Cassandra, Dreamz and EARL. Not Alex.

Your mom was drinking when she took those notes, wasn't she? I'm not judging or anything. I'm just SAYING.

I loved the meat challenge.

And ACK on Middle. I hate when you drop them off for something and you're not going to be there and they're not happy about it. UGH UGH UGH.
BabelBabe said…
what, you don't want to hang the extra meat hooks in your larder for your sides of beef and pork?

thinking of middle and you. i hope he has an awesome time at the end of it all.
jenny said…
next week's preview, with all the talk of ousting Yau, worries me.

as for shipping off a boy who isn't that keen on being shipped off - I am doing the same at the end of the month and will spend three days second guessing myself. At least I'm in good company.
Jennifer said…
I really liked Alex.. I didn't want to see him go. They should have listened to him, he had good points, now they're all screwed!

your ashtray invention sounds good. I'll buy one from ya!
RW said…
Thank goodness Yau is still in the game! Our team has lost so now the TV will be free on Thursdays... and we can watch again.
Jake said…
No need to worry about Yau, he'll be safe and sound for a while.

And I used to really like Alex, but he became SUCH AN ASS around Tribal Switch. All of a sudden he saw people as cogs in his plan instead of friends to be utilized and played with. I'm not gonna miss him in the slightest.

And DREAMZ was counting his votes, because he was a MORON and the editors are finally really letting his stupidity leak through this golden boy edit they're convinced they have to give him.

Don't let Mom take notes anymore. Other than that, enjoy the next episode!