the pirate movie

When I got home from the supermarket on Saturday afternoon K said that the boys had expressed some interest in seeing the pirate movie. The Pirate Movie.
Not Oldest - he knew full well that there was no way he would be able to sit through it. He's nothing if not self aware, that boy.

Youngest was especially excited, and I was excited because I thought I might get a chance to sit with Middle. I hardly ever get time with Middle.

And so, off we went.
We went to the big theater. The one with the cushy seats and headrests (which I am SURE give you lice). I smuggled in some popcorn, green apple Twizzlers and Hershey bars. K bought drinks. Drinks which cost more than a decent bottle of wine.

I won't give anything away here - save for the fact that if you want to see the real END of the movie you'd better stay through ALL of the credits. Youngest was smart enough to know this.

I haven't really seen the other pirate movies. I've seen bits and pieces of them.
Johnny Depp is wonderful in all of them, but at times in this one he almost looked a little tired of it all. I can't blame him. Hasn't he been this pirate guy for, like, five years? That's got to be a little tiresome.



He looks damn fine though. I had plenty of time to study his costume etc. and I love all of it.
Keira pretty much made me crazy. She does a lot of yelling and screaming and acting with her teeth in this one. Her costume for the last half was wonderful.
I guess it's pretty obvious what I look at - but, really, it's because the plot was inscrutable.

But a lot of it revolves around this lady...



whose accent was often inscrutable.
Several times she made prophetic statements



which would leave the pirates bereft and Middle and I would look at each other and yell: WHAT?!
And it was possible to yell to each other, nay, necessary even, as this movie is SO DAMN LOUD.
It couldn't possibly get anymore epic-al (YES, that is a word).
Just when we thought it couldn't get any wilder, there was a MAELSTROM!
AND TWO BOATS DIVE INTO IT IN BATTLE.
I tell ye, it was exhausting watching it.

I'm not giving anything away by telling you that Keith Richards is in it for a few moments, am I?
I will give this away: they should have just left him the hell alone.
He's a fine looking pirate just on his own -



but they tarted him up. It even looked as though they filled out his face with some latex. Not so good. He does a good job, but, it's funny, he's less Keith Richards than we expect because we are so used to seeing Depp overplay him.



I have no real fondness for Orlando Bloom.
I'm too old I suppose.
My nieces are crazy for him.
And that other guy just looks like he has terrible breath.
I'm sorry, that's all I can think of when I see him.
He has a pain-in-the-ass monkey too. Two strikes.

It's all a good ride.
Lots of action. Too much maybe.
(I could be a professional movie reviewer, don't you think? SO COHERENT.)

There's a good pirate meeting -



and somehow a bunch of Asian pirates get involved -



but most of them have open sores on their faces.
I'm not kidding.
I can't even LOOK at that Davey Jones Squidhead Guy. He just freaks me out.
And then, it turned out that he was very well played by the guy who was the aging rock star in Love Actually - one of my FAVORITE MOVIES. Of. All. Time.



Love in the ruins.
It doesn't turn out well. Sort of.
I smell a sequel!
How many times do you think Johnny Depp will DO a pirate movie?



In summation -
fun
good art direction
and pirates!

I think I'd better work on my reviewing skills as I have been tapped to review that Kitchen Confidential series which has just been released on dvd.

Guess what we're doing next week? It's 13 episodes.