real

Heather has tagged me to post about being a real mother.
I'm supposed to write about being a 'real' mother and then post a photo, if I want to.

This is an interesting time for me to write about being a mother. A real mother.
I'm not entirely sure what constitutes 'real' but I'll tell you what I think is real.
I find it oddly coincidental because my anonymous troll wrote negative things about my children and I was very conflicted about whether or not I would defend myself against the things she said.
I wondered if my readers would believe that I live in denial and that my children have the serious issues she wrote about.
During the time that I obsessed about who it was (I know who it was now) and why they'd hurt me (they are hurting) I spoke to my psychic friend, M. M asked me why the comments upset me so much - and we talked about that, and she told me that everything the person wrote about me was really the truth about herself. And M was right.
Both M and my friend D suggested that I step back and think about writing a post about being a mother and the truth.
So.
A coincidence? Probably not.

Real mothers see their children's faults, defend those faults to the world and help their children be better people.
Real mothers fly by the seat of their pants, read books for inspiration, and check with their mothers for advice.
Real mothers never lie to their kids, unless they are watching a Disney film and have to explain what happened to the mom.
Real mothers scream and curse at their kids, are often ashamed of their behavior, and are their children's most primary source of support.
Real mothers realize that it's not always someone else's fault.
Real mothers embarrass kids every day with kisses or hugs in public.
Real mothers always do too much.
Real mothers fret and worry and cry and laugh and blush.
Real mothers let them play guitar and drums really loudly, in the basement.

I could go on for hours - you may have read my thoughts on my job before. This is very important to me, this mothering thing - it's my very first priority, and I have a lot of rules about it, as I do my writing.
And, I guess, that's why the troll's words hurt me so much. They implied dishonesty, and the fact of the matter is, I'm nothing if not honest.
Those of you whom I am lucky enough to meet this summer in Chicago will probably be put off by it.
I am terribly, horribly, wonderfully real.



three boys

Comments

Heather said…
You are wonderfully real to me.
I'm enjoying the lying about the Disney films years while they last.
Sinda said…
I'm all sniffed up. You're quite sage-like, you know? I will keep this description handy.
Badger said…
That picture gives me a lump. I mean, the good kind. Not the scary kind.
margalit said…
What a lovely post. I can't understand why anyone would be offended by anything you post about mothering. People are so strange sometimes.

You're my kind of mother!
Betsy said…
I love your list and truly enjoy reading what you write. Thanks for being real.
paula said…
Why is it 10 people can tell us we are the person we are striving to be, but the words of one sad, pathetic person sticks with us so long?

You wrote a lovely post bb, don't diminish your life one more minute by thinking of the words from that person.
Mary said…
Sorry to hear someone felt the need to try and hurt you. I love reading your take on mothering.
catsteevens said…
Being a new (first time) Mom of only seven weeks, your post made me cry, in a good way. I loved this - Real mothers fly by the seat of their pants, read books for inspiration, and check with their mothers for advice. I've looked to my Mother for everything in the last few weeks.

And that pic of your boys....f*cking AWESOME :)
RW said…
Thanks for this post.
Paola said…
I did meet you already, and consider myself very lucky that I will see you again pretty soon.
You are wise, kind, clever and definitely REAL.
The pic? Inspiring...it says way more than it shows.
Kristin said…
"Real mothers always do too much." And there's no stopping us : )

Very honest post.
Suse said…
Amen sistah!
Saoirse said…
LOVE the picture! ABSOLUTELY LOVE the label, too! What Paula (above) said: it's a mystery to me, too, why 10 people can say something nice and we discard it, yet the ONE person who tosses off something mean, we hang onto. CLEARLY, THOUGH, you are not hanging onto any of that negative #*$@!! Thanks for the lovely post!
Irene said…
I don't know what I love best, this post or the label.

your kids are very, very lucky.
MsCellania said…
This?
May be your best post yet.
And that photo of the boys? Brings up the tears, it does. Oldest with the dark hair! Midddle with the advanced musical abilities! Youngest who is just A Dear -- Look at him!
Annagrace said…
I can't even tell you how much I needed to read this today. Perhaps I'm not completely fucking it up after all.
Schmutzie said…
Absolutely you are real. I want to kick that woman in the shins, but then, I have a couple of old trolls who I want to kick in the shins. They called me a drunkard and a liar and a backstabber in my own comments section, and it made me miserable to think that some of my readers might believe what was being said about me. But, everyone stayed, the trolls eventually left, and I picked myself and moved on.

Your troll hurts and feels low. I feel sad that she lacks the skills and support to communicate her suffering and grow out of it.
Deb said…
So who is this creep that is making you feel like you have to justify the way you mother your kids? I will take a lot of criticism from people - strangers, family, whover feels the need to make themselves look big and me small... but I will kick the sh** out of anyone who goes after my kids.
Real Moms make mistakes ~ and know when to admit them.
Anonymous said…
I can't understand why someone would insult your kids. I've always thought they sounded really cool. The sort of boys I'd like my daughters to date someday.