make my day

Go ahead, tissue in the laundry, do your worst.
The dryer is my friend and we, and our lint trap, will make quick time of you.

I'm not afraid of you either, giant cutting board with last night's ham fat, and don't even think of pulling that crap wherein you cling mightily to the counter - I will kick your ass.

And you, man who slices my deli meat so thinly that I need a magnifying glass to separate it, you are just doing your job, aren't you.
So will I, when I put the entire quarter pound of organic chicken on Youngest's sandwich.

Many find the garbage men daunting - flinging the cans about and strewing trash on the street.
Not I. Another opportunity to finely tune the feng shui in the front of our home.

I've outsmarted you, aged dishwasher. It was simple to realize that mashed potato residue and flour dust will ruin the load of dishes...go ahead, break your pump. You can be replaced.

You know what, Athleta Catalogue? Why don't you just STAY AWAY FROM ME. I'm not built like your tall, sinewy surfer women, so JUST GET OUT OF HERE.

And, you, decrepit wood floors? I just don't care about you.

Comments

Sharon said…
Yes, what is it with that Athleta catalog? It appeared out of nowhere. I am the least Athleta-ic person in the world.

But the little dresses with bra cups intrigue me.
Joke said…
Is this the start of your new career as a motivational speaker?

-J.
paula said…
Tall, sinewy surfer women. Bah!

There's our bb, kickin' ass and takin' names!
tut-tut said…
Yes! Athleta catalog came in yesterday's mail; it reposes in the recycle bin "Paper, mixed"

I'm with you in your battle against the inanimate.
Velma said…
I likey the attitude. I need me some attitude this week. May I borrow a cup of attitude, neighbor?
Julie said…
delurking to say thanks, I needed that. Also, what a relief to replace the crappy old dishwasher with a nice quiet Bosch - made me very happy. Enjoy your day.
MizMell said…
That's right. Let 'em know who's boss.