an open letter to Kelly Preston

Hey there!
I saw your photo over at Go Fug Yourself and I thought I'd drop you a line...

Picture 1

And I just want to say, hon, that I'm a Unitarian, so that freaky religion thing isn't really a problem for me. We're kind of 'live and let live' about stuff like that, so I'm really just interested in your outfit.
So the first thing I'd like to mention is the fit - because I have those thighs, Kelly, and I don't think we can wear a dress like that. And if we have to wear a dress like that, perhaps it shouldn't be in an animal print.
I see that you are stepping on your train. Walking and posing with a train is tricky, I know, but with some practice, I think you can pull it off. I don't know what awards shows might be coming up but it's worth wearing a train around the house so that this doesn't happen again.
My kids love seeing me load the dishwasher with my train on...
Your bosom seems pretty nicely hoisted, bravo, but I feel obligated to mention Spanx. Are you familiar with Spanx? You should be.

I think the rest of you looks pretty damn good.
You're a regular poster-girl for long term marriages within weird religious confines, which is totally cool.

See you Thursday?



savvycityfarmer said…
These two posts made the whole live long day....
Anonymous said…
I'm guessing someone told her that print would look awesome with her haircolor. Bleh. With all that money, she coulda done bettah. (And I think she might actually be wearing spanx.)

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