questions I have, for the internet

1. Why? Why, internet, do your wood floors always look SO DAMN CLEAN. And, if it is because they have been refinished, where did YOU sleep for six days while the floor guys refinished them?

2. Do you have piles of crappe all over your house, internet? Because I never see them.

3. Everyone has a Bernina sewing machine, right?

4. Are my kids the only ones going to an actual school?

5. We all drink wine at 5:00, don't we?

Comments

Jan said…
1. Ditto
2. Ditto
3. Wrong. Bright red Viking, vintage 1982.
4. It would seem so.
5. Thank goodness it's not 5:00...I would have sprayed shiraz all over my screen when I read this.
telfair said…
Hm. You obviously haven't seen MY wood floors, or my piles of crappe, OR the new sewing machine which I can't figure out how to work, no kids yet, and if I were home at 4, I'd start drinking wine then.
Anonymous said…
My floors don't always look great, but I did just get a flier on my door (JUST YESTERDAY, weird huh?) advertising a wood floor finishing system that could do it without the dust and without the chemicals that would kick you out of your house. It had some super duper vacuum to keep the dust at bay and a water based durable varnish. Worth looking into.

Crappe? EVERYWHERE, just pushed out of the picture if I post one.

No sewing machine...you think I could use one? No way.

My kids go to school. Everyday.

Wine at 5:00? More like Rum and diet coke for sure on Fridays and Saturdays...wine is saved for more refined moments when I don't want to get drunk in 10 minutes! :)
Anonymous said…
Hey, a lurkers first post....

1. It's got to be a camera optical illusion because sometimes, just sometimes, even my floors look clean and scratch free and I know this is not true. I've noticed that this same illusion makes the bathtub look clean when ,er, that's not high on my priority list.

2. Photo editing, it has to be photo editing. I should have my own imaginary perfect house onto which I superimpose pictures of my offspring.

3. I know someone who has one...does that count?

4. My kid is too young to go to school but that sounds blissful right about now.

5. As long as it's in the afternoon...
Anonymous said…
1. We had our floors refinished as a condition of closing on our new house (Yay!) before we even bought it. We did live through refinishing the floors in our old house, though - they did the upstairs first and we all slept downstairs with the stairway door closed and lots of windows open. We survived.

2. A few piles of crappe, more problems with baskets of laundry in their various stages and many many toys strewn everywhere. They are in my blog all the time, thank you. Come take a look and you can see the disaster that is my basement today, and a video of Julie enjoying it.

3. I have an Elna. I bought it a couple of years ago, and while my relationship with sewing is not that great anymore, this machine works very well for me.

4. Julie goes to pre-school three days a week, and we will be availing ourselves of the very-good public schools here when she is old enough.

5. I don't drink nearly enough wine. I did have a Citron and Coke last night, though. Does that count? I happen to still be nursing, too, so I can't drink as often as some people do.
jojo* said…
Bernina, shmernina. I have a Kenmore. Does a *fabulous* straight stitch.
kmkat said…
1. My wood floors look clean? Surely you jest. There are dust/fur balls the size of Wyoming even though I vacuum, er, monthly. Maybe.

2. The crappe gets moved out of the frame. Or sometimes it IS in the picture.

3. Nope, wish I did. I have an el cheapo brandX that I bought second-hand in 1975. I also have a 60s Kenmore I inherited from my MIL and a new White free-arm, ditto. But I'd trade them all in a NYminute for a Bernina or an Elna.

4. My kids have always gone to public school.

5. 5:00, check. I occasionally bemoan the fact that 3:00 or 1:00 or sometimes 9 am is too early. But I limit myself to one BIG glass :-)
Anonymous said…
-My wood floors are always clean, but that is my thing. Floors must be clean! (My floors, the condition of other people's floors don't bother me and I'm not sure why.)
-There are piles of shit everywhere, yet this does not offend me as much as crumbs on the floor and I'm not sure why.
-If I had the money, I'd have a Bernina. It's the Jaguar of the sewing machines. However, as a student driver in the sewing world, I realize I'm not worthy.
-My kids go to nearly every kind of school available: public, charter, parochial-ish preschool. When they fold the towels into fourths, I'm homeschooling and when we sit and watch Spongebob marathons, we're unschooling.
-Wine gives me headaches, but I've had a cocktail just after breakfast before.
Gladys said…
From a lurker and first-time poster:
1. My wood floors are clean and lovely because they exist only in my dreams. I have carpeting and tile.
2. Don't dare open any closets.
3. 33 years ago I made a clown costume for my daughter. End of sewing career.
4. Are you kidding? My son is 38 and my daughter, 36...-years that is.
5. I prefer wine-drinking from 3 til 5 so I can process dinner with a clear head and sleep peacefully.
Alice said…
Wait.. your supposed to wait until 5?!? That rule just doesn't apply here.
Velma said…
1. New house. Not my fault they are gorgeous. For you, I suggest a week someplace warm while the refinishing is being done.

2. Huge piles of crappe. Ungodly. Teetering piles of it, really. It's my system.

3. Nope.

4. Nope.

5. Yup.
Anonymous said…
1.Wood floors? Um, I have horrible brown carpet and some fake lineoleum in a small rectangle by the kitchen sink. Yes, my bathroom is also done up in brown carpet.

2.Piles of crappe? Have you met me? Tomorrow and Monday will be devoted to SHOVELING said piles.

3.I would SO love to have a sewing machine...but theyse not cheap, so...

4.No kids, therefore, no school, actual or imagined.

5.I'm not so much a wine person...and I'm usually still at work at 5 pm.

Um, and my vw is looks very much like the f word--giggle!
Anonymous said…
Here's a question, even though you are no longer taking them...did your dog go on a diet?

Cuz it's no longer described in your tag-line area as "fat."

Enquiring minds...
Badger said…
1. Don't have 'em. But I want 'em. BADLY.
2. HUGE piles. Notice I never take pictures of my office. Or my bedroom. Or the kids' rooms. Or the toy room.
3. Mine's a Kenmore. And I never use it. Because IT'S IN MY OFFICE.
4. Mine do too, as you know.
5. The wine comes out when dinner prep begins, whenever that happens to be.
Anonymous said…
1. Yes, hardwood floors with lots of dust bunnies. They appear at the worst times too.

2. Piles of crappe that are creatively hidden (it's the Type A)

3. Does a Singer Model with cobwebs on it count?

4. Yes, public school.

5. Winecoolers at 5:00.
mary said…
1. I swiffered enough dog hair from my wood floors last weekend to make an entirely new dog.

2. No piles of crap. It's the Year of Hellacious Efficiency (tm) and we're getting rid of crap. Besides, piles of crap make me nutty.

3. I don't sew, I don't own a sewing machine. That's why God invented tailors.

4. My kids go to actual schools and I'm not thrilled with either place.

5. Lemondrop martinis. Because it's always 5:00 somewhere.
Anonymous said…
1. It is an optical illusion. Trust me.
2. I scoot the pile over and take a close up.
3. Kenmore.
4. Out school now, but yes they went to school every day. Thank God.
5. Gin, wine, beer. Is there a difference?
Edge said…
1. GOod lighting.
2. Because we don't take pictures of them.
3. Sorry, Singer.
4. Our school is an actual charter school. How's that?
5. I don't drink wine at all. Because if I did, I would have to ask, AM or PM?
jo said…
1. When we ripped out all the carpets in the remodel all I could do at the time was use that stuff you can buy that contains some polyuethane, I can get you the name of it, but after standing the at work for the last 7 hours I can't be arsed to get off mine to go check the label upstairs. It made them look all shiny and lovely. My kitchen floor on the other hand was never sealed. It is bare wood, I have been down on all fours rubbing it with bowling alley wax before, don't guffaw, I know about your kitchen walls missy. We too have thought about having it sealed since, duh, it is in the kitchen, but we couldn't comprehend days awayto have it done either.
2. Despite my pledge to retain the clean, minimilist loveliness of our clean post party house, there are presently in within 6 feet of my person three piles of crap, cookbooks to research, catalogs to flick through and tax stuff arriving daily. Other rooms represent just about as many piles. Give me a flat surface and unfortunately I can fill it. My Dad used to joke that he always wanted to uild everything in his house at a 45 degree angle so no one can dump there stuff and leave.
3. Singer, bought from a friend, unused. I tried loading a bobbin once, it wasn't pretty, i haven't gone back.
4. Sorry, don't have any of my own.
5. In Maine once the sun crests the hill at the front of the house and begins its inexorable slide across the lake to set on the other side, we consider it appropriate to have cocktails. This generally happens close to noon.
At home, 6:00 is my cocktail hour. Only 45 minutes to go.
islaygirl said…
1. used to have wood floors, they were never clean. now i have tile and carpet. they are never clean either.

2. yes. lots of crappe.

3. i don't have a bernina, i have an old White. it works ok. my mom has a Husqvarna AND an industrial serger AND something else that's so technical i can't describe it.

4. YOU bb, live in a part of the country where you don't have to fear for your children's wee brains if they go to public school. I, however, live in arizona. where we rank right after alabama and mississippi in education systems. not that the privates are much better. don't get me started.

5. i have a 4-year-old who i caught cutting bandaids off her face the other night (maybe she had seen English Patient) so while i NEED the wine, i don't dare.
Anonymous said…
1. Carpet and tile, and they are never clean, in fact, I have renamed their color "dirty dog hair and wet footprints". It's going to be all the rage this spring, you just watch.

2. Not only do I have piles of crap, I have rooms full of crap. Two to be exact.

3. I do not sew. But my mom brought her sewing machine while she was here this summer. Does that count? I think it was a Kenmore.

4. No kids, but if I did have them, they would go to an actual school.

5. Vodka, but yes.
margalit said…
1. My floors look like shit. They haven't been sanded in at least 20 years and they look it.

2. Piles of crap EVERYWHERE. Living with the biggest slob in the world, my daughter, makes it impossible not to have piles everywhere. The cleaning lady was here today and the house is filthy. I just have given up.

3. An ancient singer that has been in my car for at least 2 months because it needs to be repaired and I'm never near the repair shop. You know, just in case!

4. My kids both go to school. Thank God.

5. Nope, no wine. I would if I could afford it, but with no two buck chuck around here, I can't afford to drink. An occasional cocktail, perhaps.
Suse said…
I have a Singer. And lots and lots of crappe. Plus lots of dirt on my BRICK floors.

My kids go to an actual school.
katie said…
point the camera the other way and everyone is looking at the left overs at a jumble sale. well - I know I am...
BabelBabe said…
My floors were refinished before we moved in; it was the onylthing I insisted on. But you could have them done while you are on vacation, and a good place (ask for reccs in yourneighborhood) will clean everythiing up after.

No piles of crappe at the moment but onyl because Home Depot was having a basket and container clearance and so the piles are prettily contained.

I have a Kenmore which I love. and SL, you can get a decent Kenmore for about $150, so they are not that expensive. Go for it.

My kids go to an actual school. If I were forced to homeschool, my children would probably kill themselves, if I didn't kill MYSELF first.

As a VERY WISE FRIEND (um, you, in case you don't recall) once told me, it's always five o'clock SOMEWHERE. So drink away. Whenever.
Paola said…
1. Got cotto tiles here...
2. Tend to avoid it, if possible.
3. Have NO clue how to sew.
4. My son does.
5. We tend to start a bit later, but also finish a bit later!
elena jane said…
i didn't leave you a question tho it was fun reading all the answers!

wood floor is dusty and dirty in places, i am wild about keeping it clean and make everyone take shoes off when they come in my house!
loads of crappe, all over...
i have a singer, works fine, can't afford a bernina!
my kids go to a real school.
if i drank wine at 5pm, i'd be asleep by 515pm!
amy a. said…
No wood floors, piles everywhere, my machine is from Montgomery Ward, which doesn't exist anymore, real school for the kids and tea at 5:00.

I hope we all didn't cause you too much disillusionment.
my wood floors are like the great plains, with dog-hair tumbleweeds blowing across them constantly. we did have them refinished with the water based solution, and were able to sleep in the house that same night, with no breathing issues for my very allergic-to-everything husband.

the crappe, it never goes away. it just relocates occassionally.

the bernina sewing machine... i just inherited my grandmother's last month when she passed away. she was a seamstress. i may just learn how to sew now.

yesterday i drank wine at 12:30 in the afternoon!
jess said…
Photos hide dirty floors.

I have piles of crap everywhere and i'm not afraid to show it.

I wish i had a sewing machine.

My kids don't go to a normal school, but we live in hickville.

Wine is good whenever you need it.
Anonymous said…
1. Not many wood floors, so they look not so great.

2. Piles and piles of books and magazines.

3. Bernina 830 (got from eBay)

4. tried, tried, tried to remain at actual school; finally had to give up.

5. promptly.
celestial opus said…
1. Hell no.
2. Hell yes.
3. What? I'm a craft envy, not a craft goer.
4. The hypothetical ones, yes.
5. If only I was off work by then...Does 9pm count?
lk said…
1. Hardwood floors photograph well. I don't have dust bunnies; I have dust wolves. The dog hair is short and blends with the wood grain. I have a white floor in my kitchen which is sort of like a pre-purgatory experience.

2. No. Since piles of crappe drive me crazy, I only have piles of crappe where they are an impediment to my ability to work. They are in my studio, both wrecking my aesthetic (since doesn't everyone else has gorgeous studio space?) and sidetracking me while I put all the crappe away. (or pile it up more attractively.)
*snort*

3. Janome. cheaper.

4. Real school here, too.

5. Yes, we even drink wine at other time zones' 5 o'clocks. Perhaps we should work out a chart? An excellent use for all the clocks around the house!
jess said…
1. Tile floors. Filthy.
2. Yes. I move them for photos unless I want to look not as anal as I really am.
3. I just use my roommate's. I have no idea what it is, but it's not a Bernina.
4. No kids, but I go to a public school for the first time ever (okay, it's a masters program).
5. I would if I weren't at work then.
Marie said…
Since you asked:
1. We have nice wood floors, but it's hard to tell sometimes, being covered as they are with dust-tumbleweed and the occasional pile of cat hack-up. But when I sweep and clean, it makes everything look lovely. They could use refinishing...
2. Yes, piles of crappe everywhere. Crappe because you, know, it's artistic clutter. Any horizontal surface immediately starts to attract piles through some mysterious force.
3. Nooo. I have a 15-year-old 6-stitch Kenmore that suits me fine, although it needs oiling right now.
4. If I had kids, they would be going to a real school, yes.
5. I'm more of a tea girl.