great new fall looks which on me? aren't

I love reading the fall issues of the fashion magazines. I like to browse the internet and see what people are talking about wearing when the weather turns chilly. And every year I get excited about a couple of things that I would like to incorporate into my wardrobe like brown boots and the great shawl I got for my birthday. But. Every year there are some things...some things I see on television or in a magazine that I might appreciate or find interesting, or even know instinctively are going to be big hits but also realize that there is no way in holy hell I could wear. I suppose this is the case with anyone who looks at the trends and says not me!
But here?
For me?
These are the big trends for the fall which just aren't gonna happen here at my house.
In no particular order.
The shrug, the capelet, the caplet, the mini sweater, the sleeves with no body.
This garment is not suited to a person who is under 5'6" in my opinion. Which I am.
Plus, I am buxom. Busted. With breasts. Which I used to consider having reduced, but you know what? They match my ass.

See? The capelet. Which, I don't know why it implies a cape, cause it isn't, and I don't know what you do with sleeves like that cause I am not gonna wear tee shirts for the rest of my life
and I kind of like the idea of the small jacket but this might drive me crazy. Also. It might fit as though it was a jacket for a petite person. Crazy.

Which brings us to the whole shrunken wrinkled creepy blazer sort of thing.
shrunken blazer
which? on so many many levels, is just not going to happen. I cannot walk around in something that fails the test wherein I hold my arms out straight, cross them, to see if the seams in the shoulders give way. I just want to take the blazer off this olsen type girl and put it on Youngest.
And NO. Not even in tweed. (tweed this season is apparently for SHOES anyway)

Also? The women of the world are supposed to be walking around in this.
the cami
I am sorry, but I am not Erica Kane. I will not be wearing this to drop Oldest's sax off at the high school when he forgets it. I will not be wearing this at whole foods, I won't wear it on open school night -- though there were those who did.

And see - that? we are supposed to wear under the blazer. Like this.
the cami thing
It is underwear. Not a blouse. Put on a blouse and then we can talk.

Finally, lest you fear that I have forgotten my lower half in this freak-show-fashion-parade, I bring you these.
I can only reference a very funny Lewis Black comedy routine about carrying a spoon with him to help distract him from what he is seeing. Suffice to say, these flow-y, camel toe-y, gaucho things will not be finding their way to my closet.

I have a little headache now.
Maybe tomorrow I will figure out a way to show you what I will wear.

Our thrifting trip snagged me a couple of sweaters ($7 each) one J Crew and one Ann Taylor.
And my mom totally made out with a couture jacket from paris ($20) and a sleeveless shell with calf length cardi of very very fine knit, Ellen Tracy, tags still on ($20 for both pieces). There was a bespoke Givenchy tuxedo, incredibly made for $45 and many other delights - nothing really more than $25.

Across the street was an incredible boutique that had pre-owned couture wear. Chanel, Prada, Gucci, Dior -- nearly new, very expensive. A Chanel sweater was $900 - imagine the original price? And who would spend $250 on well worn Prada heels?


irene said…
I so love your fashion posts. they make life so much more interesting.

ps: ditto on the lingerie-type tank tops magazines are showering us with lately.
Badger said…
The silky-camisole-and-blazer thing is so 2002, man. I can't believe that look is still around.

I don't like the boxiness of the capes/capelets/whatever. My shoulders are broad enough on their own, thanks.

And the flowy gauchos? There are no words.

Oh, and the tweed! I am seeing peep-toe tweed pumps. And also shrunken tweed blazers with 3/4 or 1/2 sleeves. Which makes no sense, because there is tweed weather, and there is peep-toe half-sleeve weather, and never the twain shall meet. You know?

I blame Sex in the City for every bit of this nonsense.

Please do tell us what you WILL be wearing. Restore my faith in humanity, I'm begging you.
christina said…
Oh this was so fun. Thank you for saying EXACTLY what I've been thinking. A CAPLET??? Seriously, who wears that?? They even make them for babies. Yup. At baby Gap. Ick.

I loved to read about your thrifty finds. I want to go shopping with YOU!!!
blackbird said…
Badger -
I am not sure yet.
I do have my new brown bag and want little brown boots.
I like skirts and tights and sweaters and scarves -- like to have something around my neck.
I have a gorgeous coat (kind of like this that was difficult to manage in my little car that will be fun to wear in my new larger vehicle.
I want to do my usual tops and bottoms with interesting accessories.
robiewankenobie said…
blackbird, darling,

would you please come and thrift with me? you always get the most interesting pieces. and, well, i can't dress to save my life (it's a good thing that dressing well isn't a requirement).

Oh, I was praying for a gauchos pic as I scrolled through your post. What I don't get is, what's the difference between gauchos and culottes?
And those shrunken blazers? If they don't even fit the worlds-skinniest models, how are they supposed to fit US?
Great post!
BabelBabe said…
God, I had to wear gauchoes/culottes in jr high instead of real jeans (less evil, dontcha know?) and I will never ever ever put a pair of those, no matter how trendy, on my body again.

I think i'll stick to my little t-shirt, hoodie, cargo pants routine for now, thx.

Yes, please tell us what you wear, inquiring minds want to know.
Anonymous said…
I couldn't agree with you more Blackbird - I want the home phone number of the designer who every few years decides it is time for gauchos to reappear - not a good look in junior high, no need to repeat now! Also the shrunken little jackets with 3/4 sleeves and the gauchos or other short pants on grown women just look like there was a mishap at the drycleaners!
silverthorn222 said…
I just started noticing those gaucho things this summer. They are so awful! Even if you have a fabulous ass and legs, it's just an odd look and shows waaaaaay to much of your, ah, parts.
MistressMary said…
Oh stupid me. That was my comment above.
jess said…
Please do show us what you're wearing. I love seeing what other people pick out - and I have to agree with you on the no-no's this fall. My pet peeve lately is the asymetrical skirts. Yuck. Give me a nice clean line, please.

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