russian

I may have mentioned that chez weens is tres musical. Everyone plays at least one instrument, everyone can read music, everyone can play by ear, and several music teachers have pointed out that the children play in tune. (I don't really know the implications of this, I believe it refers to fact that they may on occasion play the wrong note, but it is always in tune.) After his first violin lesson, many years ago, our violin teacher, The Grim, came out of the room shaking her head. She touched my arm and said, gently:
Mozart's mother had a hard time too.

Fast forward to about a year and a half ago. Oldest played violin, in tune and often refusing to read the music he could play pretty well after hearing it just once, through middle school and then quit and now plays a mean guitar. Youngest asked to play trumpet when he was 7, we let him begin when he turned 9 he is quite accomplished for a small kid. And Middle begged to go on saxophone and has been playing for a few years, he too can really wail on guitar and we have been treated to concerts at the teen center with Middle and Oldest rockin the house. (I am so truly not hip at all at this moment.) At some point I had asked around and had hired a private instructor for Middle for sax. And we also have a surfer hippy guitar teacher who is on site for periods of time.

The sax teacher came with good references. He was a gentle soul, which I knew would be good for Middle as he can be sensitive. He had served in vietnam, he had supported his elderly mother, he had a couple of teenagers, he was clinically depressed. I know these things because he told me about them. To my mind, clinical depression may or may not effect your moment to moment interactions with people. I don't know a lot about it, but I do know several people who suffer from it and function and interact and go food shopping. I don't think this guy did any of those things terribly well. He kind of schlumped into our home, worked with Middle for half an hour. Gave Middle an assignment for the week -- which Middle ignored, being, I would guess, not very motivated by this man. And he schlumped out. He had a nasally drone kind of voice and he never got really excited about much of anything. I suppose it was a medication/therapy issue, but frankly, I didn't have time to address it. After a couple of years of this inspiring instruction I asked K to let him go. I asked K because I am chicken. K explained to him that we didn't feel that Middle was motivated enough about the sax to continue having a private teacher.

A few months later I began the search for a new teacher.
I called The Grim and asked her if she knew anyone:

Well, I do. She said.
But I don't know his name.

How could you not know his name? I asked.

Well, I'll tell you. He teaches at Mrs. S's house, in the room next to me while I teach her son violin. I have never seen him but I can hear him shouting through the wall at the other kid.
He has a booming voice.

I am thinking...hmm, not really what I had intended.

The thing is, she goes on, the guy shouts and bangs on the piano and it all seems very intense, and the thing is -- I see the kid at the end of the lesson and the kid is just totally in LOVE with this guy. It's like he's a little crazy but the kid thinks he's great. So - call Mrs. S and ask who he is. Maybe she'll give you his number.

First I think I will have K call. He knows what to ask. He knows so much about music.
But then I think, I'd better call Mrs. S myself. She's a mom (who is also the president of the school board --eek) and I am a mom (who really can only discuss food shopping and craft projects) so, you know, we can level with each other about this teacher.

She gives me his number. Tells me he is a real life mad russian. And I call him.

We set up a lesson. He has a very thick, wonderful, rolling r's accent.

On the appointed day, he arrives. He RUNS from his car to my front door. Briefcase in hand.
He bows low and introduces himself. Pictures. He has pictures of many students. Student who mean so much. To him, and music. Is important. Music. It makes children (rolling r) strong (rolling r). Children with music have health. We do exercise. DO THIS.

He lays on the floor. Middle and I lay on the floor. He takes a breath like a locomotive and raises his feet off the floor and lowers them slowly to the carpet.

IS GOOD FOR BREATHING. WE LEARN(rolling r) TO BREATHE.
BOY. YOU COME. YOU PLAY SAX FOR ME.
I LISTEN AND TEACH.
THIS IS GOOD. YES?
THANK YOU VERY (do I need to say rolling r again?)MUCH.
I COME AGAIN NEXT WEEK?HERE. RUSSIAN CANDY FOR GOOD WORK.
YOU PRACTICE. WE WORK. YOU PLAY WELL BOY. BOY PLAYS WELL.
WE SEE. WE WORK ON EVERYTHING. THE BREATHING THE SINUS THE
LIPS AND TEETH. YOU SEE MY TEETH. THEY ARE STRONG. FROM GARLIC.

He is short and built like bulldog.
He bows low.
And says, instead of goodbye,

I AM VERY SORRY.
He waves and runs back to his car.
Middle and I wave, shut the door, look at each other,
and SCREAM WITH GLEE!